Happpy April Fool's Day To Mario...and to All!

I was browsing NOT looking for porn, when i came across this. I'm so sure Mario would love it. I just hope he's reading...

A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"
Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."
So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.
The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."
To which the mother replied, "April fool!"

How?

Little did she know, moments before the fight, he was trying to move into his new house today. While munching on two cookies he was pestering Bitch Boy to get the keys. It was on his fifth trip to the car where he loaded about thirty-five kilograms of stuff as he received her call.

In his mind, he was calculating if he could finish moving today as the weather has already turned gloomy. He thought he made a SMRT! move by not worrying her. Hence, he did not mention anything about the plan to move.

He wanted to finish moving today n follow her tomorrow but at the same time did not want to get her hopes up by prematurely agreeing to follow only to cancel later on. All he wanted to know was what exactly will she and her friends will be doing.

She cut him off. He got annoyed. Now, he is sitting and waiting for her to call even though she already swore not talking to him anytime soon. He now waits. He loves her...

Pak Lah Must Not Step Down...Yet!

I've been seeing and reading of calls for Pak Lah to step down. Some may call it irony or repetition - remember Anwar asking for Tun Dr M to bow down "honourably."

Remember this?
''Dr. Mahathir must accept the facts, hear the grievances of the people, of his own people, the Malaysian people, Mahathir's people and withdraw from the scene in an honorable manner," - Oct 1998 - of course it was regarding the Reformasi which viewing the circumstances I will be hit by comments that it is not the same as Pak Lah's situation...but spare a thought and remember closely...he stepped down in 2002...honorably? Maybe...

What did you think would happen to the country if Tun resigned after he was asked to?
If he did, our economy plunge so far down we could see Satan! We were already at an economic low at that time and all activists should thank goodness he stood firm.

If it wasn't for him standing firm, no PKR...no Opposition alliances...yet maybe and more importantly nothing to gloat or blog about nearly a decade later!

I am not criticizing the voice of the Rakyat in the elections nor am I buying front row seats to the gallows but if Pak Lah steps down now, Malaysia will have to be on guard. I'm not Nostradamus or do I want to be, but, are we ready for a political, social and economic turmoil?

By Pak Lah resigning now, wouldn't it theoretically bring us closer to a modern day Hang Tuah in full glory of keris swinging...a lost art some might say. :)

From what's happening in Perak, even the Opposition might not be able to take sell the idea of a Bangsa Malaysia. Racial composition again? After tonnes and tonnes of Bangsa Malaysia and Barisan Rakyat ideas, this?

NIAMAH!! (did i say it right, Pat?)

Go ahead and be heard! Anyone from Dato' Mukhriz and his dad to the trishaw puller in Malacca, or anyone who wants an immediate change of leadership in Malaysia voice out!

But if you ask me, if Pak Lah resigns now, it's like looking up with your mouth open just as shit is flung towards the fan! In the future however, if he steps down for reasons unmentioned now, we'll never know, would we?

Sex Quotes

*blush

1. "It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
Joan Rivers

2. "If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all."
Rodney Dangerfield

3. "Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy."
Steve Martin.

4. "My girlfriend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'."
Emo Philips.

5. "When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better."
Mae West.

6. "What's wrong with a little incest? It's both handy and cheap."
James Agate

7. "I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though."
Elton John.

8. "My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects."
Les Dawson

9. "I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
Woody Allen

10. "A terrible thing happened to me last night again - Nothing."
Phyllis Diller

11. "The Love Bird is 100% faithful to his mate, as long as they are locked together in the same cage."
Will Cuppy

12. "Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night."
Woody Allen

13. "My best birth control now is to leave the lights on."
Joan Rivers

14. "It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on."
Marylyn Munroe.

15. "Oh Lord, give me chastity, but do not give it yet."
St Augustine

16. "The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin."
Honore de Balzac

17. "My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty."
Woody Allen

18. "Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure."
Bob Hope

19. "I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women."
Bernard Manning.

20. "I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds."
Joan Rivers

21. "I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls."
Groucho Marx

22. "She said he proposed something on their wedding night that even her own brother wouldn't have suggested."
James Thurber

23. "My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often."
Emo Philips.

24. "It is impossible to obtain a conviction for sodomy from an English jury. Half of them don't believe that it can physically be done, and the other half is doing it."
Winston Churchill

25. "You know of course that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery, are now extinct."
Somerset Maugham

Of Curry Debal and Hopeful Churches Part 3 - It Is Called 'A Place To Rant"

Well, what makes the Portuguese people think they deserve a Church? Is it jealousy that every other race in the country, which congregates in a close geographical proximity, has a place of worship? Or maybe it’s because the only full-fledged Roman Catholic saint who walked the lands of Malacca and by the way cursed it to slumber, was not really Portuguese (he was of Navarre origin, by the way)? Or is it because there is no more land in the Portuguese Settlement?

NO OFFENSE TO ANY OF MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS OF DIFFERENT FAITHS. THIS PART IS JUST TO SHOW COMPARISON AND IN NO WAY IS MEANT ANY PREJUDICE, MALICE OR DISRESPECT.

Take a look at Take a look at any Malay kampung, there’s bound to be at least a surau somewhere. Even Pulau Melaka has a mosque when the place is practically lifeless. I can’t buy bullshit even if it’s on discount but if they were to say that the Portuguese community is a small community, then what about the Chitty Melaka, they have a temple. Or is the trend of breaking temples the new in-thing and the small Gajah Berang temple is on the list?

I hope I can personally smack the cheek of the next person who comes up and say that there is no more land for a church in the Portuguese Settlement. The issue of a hotel to come up in the Settlement was very easily settled when everyone believed there was no land. I think it was probably settled like this:

“Dato’, there’s no more land herelah to build the hotel. How ah?”

“Reclaim the sealah, we’ve done it to build Melaka Raya. Do the same here!”

I can only hope that when “hotel” is replaced with “cathedral (oh, come on, you know how it works, ask for a thigh, you’ll get a toe)”, the answer will be the same!

As far as I know, Melaka has the most inter-religious understanding. Melaka boasts Temple Street, a street where a mosque, a Hindu temple and Buddhist temple sit next to each other. With that, I don’t think the spawn of a new church would cause any distress in the local community.

To rub salt to the would, the only place of worship near to a Portuguese community will eventually stick out like a sore thumb in a few years time. Praya Lane as I know it is slowly diminishing to make way for urbanization. The land has been sold to developers and one by one; memories of childhood are torn down together. With the soon non-existence of Praya Lane, the chapel will remain but it will cease to be a bastion of the Portuguese Catholics, the jenti Kristang.

Currently, the Mass in the Settlement is celebrated every week with at least 300 (Leonidis is not involved) people attending…and it’s held in a community hall. Yes, Jesus was a simple man, born in a stable and worked as a carpenter but why compromise worship and confine it to a hall which can hardly sit 200 people? The worship has to be grand but if the worshipers are simple, Hallelujah!

It is not cool letting people believe the illusion that the HALL is overflowing with people that many others have to stand outside! Wouldn’t it be easier to pray in a little bit of comfort? I’m not talking a robot choir, air conditioning, 3D glasses, just enough places for everyone to sit inside and some fans.

Speaking of halls, the chapel in Convent of the Infant Jesus, Banda Hilir has been made into a badminton hall. Wow…creative huh? I don’t think the guys over at Casa Impian could have come up with such a brilliant conversion!

Here’s a hint to THE MAN, you (plural – it’s a Rock & Roll slang) have one parliamentary term to get cracking after calls to buck up to try to redeem yourselves! Do the right thing. No, the Kristang de Padre se Chang don’t want their hall converted into a chapel. They want a religious complex with facilities ranging from classrooms to places for fellowship.

Thank you for reading.

Of Curry Debal and Hopeful Churches Part 2 - Portuguese Heartache

Nearly 500 years later, a small Portuguese Community still stands along the shoreline of Melaka. Although the residents don’t really look like white Bengalis anymore, but the tradition, language, food, beliefs and religion are still strongly practiced.

The Portuguese Settlement is flocked by the thousands (in total) in late June during festivals like Festa San Juang and Festa San Pedro. Around six months later, the crowd would just come out of every nook and corner to see a snow less winter wonderland. It’s just madness (in a good way) to see the lights and decorations from every house. Giant Santa Clauses and mechanical sleighs just complete the hospitality of the people at the most wonderful time of the year…at least according to Andy Williams.

Christmas in Portuguese Settlement

It is also safe to say that Christianity, or the Roman Catholic faith came along with the Portuguese in 1511. (There are claims that the Nestorian faith landed in Mongolian lands, but that’s beyond the point) The ruins of a church, The Madre de Dios (Mother of Christ*) Church on St Paul’s Hill accentuate the claim that the first Portuguese were Catholics. However, the oldest performing Catholic Church in Melaka, St Peter’s Church was erected only in 1710 on land donated by Dutchman Maryber Franz Amboer.

Interestingly, the descendants of the first Catholics in Malaysia do not have a Church to boast in their back yard. They have a Catholic school which is no longer run by the men or women in robe. Thankfully enough some Catholic elements still stand strong. There’s also a sudden emergence of a certain hotel, which most probably were influenced by Goa or some other Portuguese conquest in India. The architecture seems just about Portuguese, with canons facing the sea and a small courtyard in the middle but the cuisine somewhat questionable. However empathic I may be, I do find a Nasi Kandar based menu quite far from the likes of Dabel (Devil) Curry or the Portuguese baked fish.

Debal Curry

Imagine food-lovers who waltz in the hotel’s cafeteria and asks for the menu, wouldn’t that bring shame to the hotel or even worst, the community...macha! The nerve! Anyhoo, we shall continue the story about the hotel some other time.

Work is Work

I woke up late this morning to the sounds of my MONOPHONIC, CAMERALESS phone ringing for me to be wished good morning. Laziness sat over me like a dark cloud. I admit I was about to succumb to it. I was going to call up the office and lie through my teeth about some overrated medical condition. Then I thought of what Scott told Paul sometime ago.

It was quite late or early in the morning (bloody politically correct people) when we decided to play Counter-Strike after shisha and mamak. Clifford and I was then in a non-profit organization called JOBLESS.ORG while JaQhua,Zach and Edward had the next day off. Paul and Scott were the only ones who had to wake up in less than 3hours.

"Cannot make it la..tomorrow work..I tired, balls."
"OK"
"No hal"
"I also sleepy dy"
"Come la..go home"
"Eh, Paul...chill la..I also work tomorrow"
"You sit at the desk, balls...I must change gearbox"
"Relax la..I also got work...must get up early, balls...lepak is lepak...work is work, Paul. We lepak today...Zach, Edward, Darian all down..."
"OK...1 hour la..."

So we went to play Counter-Strike and had fun like an 8-year old. Around 4.30am all of us went home to sleep.

When we met for breakfast(around 3.30pm- I got up at 7.00am...I SWEAR)...

"Paul sure never go work"
"Went, balls. He called me from office so that I'd believe him"
"Yes, balls. He called me also"
"You guess who my mother and I saw this morning"
"Who?"
"Who, balls?"
"OG?"
"Balls OG, I saw Scott, smiling out of Dr Pandu's Clinic...holding MC in his hands"

WORK IS WORK, eh?

Of Curry Debal and Hopeful Churches Part 1 - Malacan History...Briefly

Let’s just say on an idle Saturday afternoon, an Average Joe takes a two-hour drive (assuming he follows the speed limit) down south from the Klang Valley, he most probably would end up at the Ayer Keroh toll plaza. For those who don’t know, Ayer Keroh is one of three toll exits leading to the state of Melaka. It is also the nearest to the Historical City of Melaka itself.

Malacca Coat of Arms

The drive down to the city itself would tease Joe’s eyes to fascinating places to visit; the Crocodile Farm, the Melaka Zoo, arguably the next best thing after Taiping Zoo, the Butterfly Farm, a man-made waterfall, and the Spice Garden among others. A short drive later, as Joe hits the heart of the city, shopping havens like Jonker Walk, Bunga Raya Road and a few other malls would definitely give him a run for his money and around the corner, places like the Clock Tower, Istana Melaka Museum, A Famosa would just fascinate him so much, he’d be wishing he paid more attention when Puan Safiatun taught History.

Anyways, fasten your seat belt, here’s a short trip down memory lane. Around 1400, Parameswara founded Melaka. He embraced Islam and was known as Sultan Iskandar Shah. He ruled Melaka until the year 1414 when Sultan Megat Iskandar Shah reigned. The Melaka Sultanate continued it’s supremacy throughout the century for which Melaka grew as the number one port in the world. Even China sent her princess, Hang Li Po who married Sultan Mansur Shah and Admiral Cheng Ho along with fleets of diplomats and traders to Melaka. Melaka was also the first foreign government to have strong Sino-Melaka relations after Sultan Iskandar Shah paid tribute to the Ming Dynasty.

Somewhere along this era, legends were born and bred. Melaka boasted the earliest Malayan heroes through the likes of Tun Perak, Hang Tuah and his brave brotherhood, Jebat, Lekir, Lekiu and Kasturi and the exemplary administration from Sultan Muzaffar Shah to the reign of Sultan Alauddin Riayat Shah.

Melaka also faced lacking leadership which indirectly led to her fall to the Portuguese. The “White Bengalis”, as they were referred to by the Indian traders came not as conquerors of evangelists but more in search of trade. With the capture of Lopez de Sequeira, the Portuguese retaliated by conquering Melaka and capturing her on the 24^th August 1511.

The Way It Was In The Fifties...

I wonder if this will ever be brought back in schools. The excerpt below is REAL and was taken from a US Home Economics text book in the fifties...

How to be a Good Wife


Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a
delicious meal--on time. This is a way of letting him know that you
have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.
Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good
meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take fifteen minutes to rest so that you'll be
refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in
your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of
work-weary people. Be a little gay(HAPPY) and a little more interesting.
His boring day may need a life.

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of
the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up the school
books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables.
Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order,
and it will give you a lift, too.

Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's
hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if
necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he
would like to see them playing the part.

Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise
of the washer, dryer, dishwasher, or vacuum. Try to encourage the
children to be quiet. Be happy to see him; greet him with a smile
and be glad to see him.

Some don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't
complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with
what he might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable.
Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in
the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his
pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft,
soothing, and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the
moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to
dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to
understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home
and relax.

Your goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where
your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

Rules for Bedroom Golf

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club
and two balls.


2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.


3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep
the balls out of the hole.


4. For most effective play, the club should be a firm shaft. Course
owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.


5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid
damage to the hole.


6. The object of this game is to take as many strokes as necessary until
the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete.
Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the
course again.


7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon
arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to
admire the entire course, with special attention to well-formed bunkers.


8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or
are playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course
owners have been known to damage players' equipment for this reason.


9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.


10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been scheduled,
particularly when a new course is being played for the first time.
Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover
someone else playing on what they consider to be a private course.

A Bear and a Rabbit

A Bear and a Rabbit was taking a dump in the forest...

"Hey Rabbit...do you have any problems with shit getting stuck in your fur?"
"No."

So, the Bear picks up the Rabbit and wipes his ass...