New Look; New Post

So, I've decided to change the look and reposition of some of the stuff from right to left not because I lack the creativity but because I'm not very smart when it comes to html..so I fear the slightest error will send my computer crumbling into tiny little bits and like Humpty Dumpty, I will never be able to put it back again.

Kudos to Ayin for helping me out..Great help!

No lah, I'm not that stupid (I try to convince myself everyday without fail), I just wanted change. Change from a lot of things. I was hoping that this blog will get things rolling..

Anyhoo, why change?
Why the fuck not?

Theoretically..you can be one of three agents of change.. You can be...

...the one who initiates change
...the one who administers change
...the one who is forced to change regardless of his/her willingness

Let's look at this from a perspective that's larger than life: THE FACEBOOK TIMELINE FIASCO

...the one who initiates change...

OK.. Like it or not, Mark Zuckerberg has this one policy: Swallow all the shit I feed you! From the first time Facebook became popular till today, he has made changes that no one really knows why. Perhaps Napster asked him to do so, perhaps he wants to see the world end (for some people), or because he truly believes that the change will be good and help us communicate better with one another and hide dirty linen harder from one another.

Zuckerbeng, seen here with his wife, Chan who wasn't interesting enough to make it to the movie..perhaps they haven't met, give me a break..sheesh!

The bottom-line is he initiated how Facebook looks!


...the one who administers change...


Here we have people who zealously and sometimes mindlessly carried out what's being asked of them. This has been looked as a noble and loyal gesture not only in the corporate world, but in the likes of the military and some even believe...in heaven. They say money, honour and a new set of feathers on their wings have driven them to do such things.

Well we will leave God and the army aside and look at YOU! Yes, you in the super-awesome-I-will-puke-rainbows-on-your-grandmother's-eyebrow-and-cure-her-from-cataract-like Facebook office!

See, these Facebook administrators have been doing the will of Zuckerberg.. first they send pop-ups and tutorials, then later they threaten us by giving a deadline, then they simply switch your profile to the Timeline and there goes your privacy settings. Now your boyfriend will for sure know you are fucking around..but all fixable within seconds.. Cheers for opposable thumbs and adaptability!

Whether they like the new Timeline or not they have to do it..therefore making them the administrators of change..


...the one who is forced to change regardless of his/her willingness...

My personal favourite, the end users..you, me, the people we love, along with millions of jerks!

You can say a lot about the way a person accepts change by the way they handled the Timeline issue..we have:

The Optimist:

Makes the best of things and does well with change
Will most likely look at the Timeline as another way to express creativity and him/herself
Still enforces custom privacy settings

Page will most likely look something like:

The Neutral:

Doesn't really care about the new changes

Changes profile picture

Updates status

Still enables privacy settings

Visit my FB page  to see how a Neutralist's page looks like..mine is somewhat private..

The Negative Nancies/Nicks

Will bitch about the Timeline

Will tag you in a picture about liking/sharing so Zuckerberg will revert to the old profiles after 200,000,000,000 'likes'

Will reminisce  about how awesome FB used to be

Will claim to have found a solution to the Timeline problem, which in reality is just some browser settings which is also kinda like having an unshaven crotch hiding a small penis and masturbating in front of a two-way mirror.. embarrassing on so many levels..

Oh you know those people..if you don't, it's most probably you then.. 

So well, just wanted to say either embrace it, initiate it or administer it..either way change is gonna happen!

Change is neither good nor bad..it simply is - Don Draper, Mad Men

Word of the Day: Refulgent

Before I do this, let me assure you, I'm not gonna do this every day.. Only when I find interesting words..


So

WORD
refulgent (adjective): [ri-FUHL-junt]


MEANING
Shining brilliantly

ETYMOLOGY

From Latin refulgere (to radiate light, to reflect), from re- (back) + fulgere (to shine). Earliest documented use: before 1500.

USAGE

"Michael slowly walked into the water yesterday, his board tucked under his arm and his sun-kissed blond hair refulgent even in the dull light."
Mark Bode; Surf Tribute Farewells a Great Dad; The Sunshine Coast Daily (Maroochydore, Australia); May 9, 2011


NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH
The way Edward Cullen shines


Living for centuries as a pedophile vampire, Edward sits silently at the window, pants down to his ankles with the tremendous urge to jack off as he watches Bella sleep soundly into the night. Knowing that he is indeed a vampire that doesn't breathe, has no heartbeat and the blood doesn't flow in his veins, he couldn't muster a simple erection. But Edward is not the type to give up; he tried for hours!

With this realisation and the uprising sun, he flees the room in panic and as the rays of the sun catches his legs, there was a shine coming from his skin. Seeing that how Edward isn't that brilliant, that shine wasn't a refulgent one.

Five Ways to become a HARIMAU

Seeing that it is about 26 hours till kick-off at the National Stadium between bitter rivals Malaysia and Singapore for a ticket to the World Cup Qualifiers, I've decided to let you in on a few ways to get you in the mood.

How to prepare for a Harimau Malaya (Malayan Tigers) game?


1. Secure Entry


Make sure that if you aren't as Lucky as Ramon and Mario, you get your tickets early! Don't go around like a fucking hooker on crack trying to ask everyone, anyone and anywhere..including Twitter for tickets the moment the word is mentioned.

So, I bought tickets for 9pm..

Dei, the match is at 8.30pm! You better go early..and you got how many tickets, hor? Got extra ke?

The tickets...Captain America la!

Memang Douchebag la lu, bro!




2. Energize


Remember that games kicking off at 8.45pm can end at midnight. So, make sure you have enough water, food, rest, etc to sustain your energy levels.


Frankly speaking, cheering is almost as tiring as playing the damn sport because when we cheer, often or not our levels will peak in direct retaliation to what's happening on the field - be it a wrong offside call, a Jewish lad kicking the ball..or even dismal performances by our own lads. Therefore, the more often things happen, the more you peak in excitement and you get tired..




3. Seat Right


Generally, there are a few sections when it comes to seating at a stadium.


VIP Boxes
Here's where politicians and big names watch the games. It's believed that within the tinted glasses is a room where you can indulge to your heart's desire.


There even was a rumour that there were strippers, cocaine and midget whores inside a Manchester United - Cardiff or something game.


Grand Stand
This is where rich folks pay more to see the same game from the same distance as the Rakyat Jelata from the other side.


Usually occupied by kids who were bullied in school and think they are cool now.


Home Seats
The whole stadium except the top corner of the stadium and a few more rows


Ultras Malaya
Look out for people at top corners of the stands usually singing and drumming..sometimes dancing and most importantly cheering.


They'll most probably be wearing black tees with yellow scarfs held high









Away Seats
Whatever's left. Possibly 3 rows in some corner with a fucked up view.


For this occasion, look out for an awkward looking group dressed in either red and white (Singapore, not Indonesia) or Blue.






4. Get in the ZONE


To get in the zone, you'd need to prepare your mind and body for the experience. Here's the simplest way to shift to a football fan mindset:

I know the beer is Singaporean but the name is Malaysian but 6 of this, you'll be massive!

If you can't drink, Tiger biscuits also counts!




5. Lose Your Voice


Shout, scream, sing...tell the referee what a cunt he is, taunt the away fans. Go ahead! Don't just sit quietly, you have bloody libraries for that!


Here are a few songs and chants that might help you out tomorrow:


Negaraku


Inilah Barisan Kita

How it is



How it should be sung




Malaysia Chant






So, see you tomorrow in Black and Yellow!

Towards a Developed Rakyat

The vast growth of our nation in the past 13-15 years, perhaps more but at least that's how far back I remember and started to take notice, has been immense!

From world class facilities and landmarks such as stadiums, twin towers and the Bandar Tasik Selatan one-stop traveling center, its undeniable that we have progressed in certain areas abreast or even better than some of the most developed nations.

However, one question still haunts me: Are we, The Rakyat ready to be a developed people?

To be a developed nation, in all honesty takes more than just facilities or the industrial development of a country. Yes, I'm very proud that we have produced cars and stuff and now are embarking on a knowledge-based industry. Alternative coverage of Bersih has proven that we are well equipped and empowered to take advantage of various social media platforms to share knowledge.

Sadly, that is not enough to constitute us as a developed people. To me, a developed people needs to be inclined to start practicing the following:

Civic Mindedness


How often have we been to Ikea, fuck that, McDonald's and when scouting for a decent table to sit we find one or all of the following:

1.  A bloody filthy table that roaches and rodents will call Utopia
2.  A table that sits 6 occupied by two or three people

How hard is it for us to stack up all the plates, cups, utensils and all of them wrappers and sauce plates on the tray and put them accordingly (ie Reusable stuff at the rack provided and disposable stuff in the dustbin)?

Ikea puts up a notice, for humanity's sake! Plus, isn't it common sense to clean up after oneself? Try walking away leaving your plates at home wouldn't your mom/step-mom or Kermit the Frog smack you square at the back of your head?

Another thing that grinds my gears, and this is nowhere near the sexy kind of grinding, is the aftermath of a Pasar Malam.

Sure, from as early as 4pm till as late as 11pm we will be flocking to get various stuff from Nasi Lemak to cheap ass toothbrushes but when it ends, our dear entrepreneurs leave the place in a dump.

Don't just take my word for it. Taken by Khristabelle at TTDI late yesterday

What will it take for them to clean up themselves? Do we have to enforce laws? Summonses? Tear gas them? It just doesn't make sense that common ethics is so hard to comprehend. Or are we too complacent with the 'Cleanliness Deposit' we pay?


Appreciation of the Arts


No, I'm not asking us to be fucking poets or painters. I'm just calling for a little appreciation of all art forms. Take a look at European nations, heck look at China and Japan if your mind can't venture that far. What element do we see in common?

They are nations that hold pride in their arts, and art here is not restricted to canvas. These people preserve their artworks like gold and at the same time have developed the sustainability in the creation of content that engulfs all art forms.

From Picasso to wacky Japanese shows, the content developed is relevant and has enriched their society.

I'm not saying we haven't done our bit. Shows such as Showdown have done its part in highlighting dance in Malaysia but what about other shows we see on TV and locally produced movies?

Are our intellect so low that we are forced to come up with Halimah Jongangs and Adnan Sempits? How many times are we going to make 'funny' movies about Mak Limah and zombies?

It's an honour to point out that the CGI on Karak and the fight scenes in KL Gangster and Kongsi is superb but somehow the general plot lacks the depth to challenge our intellect.

Let's face it, we have been recycling material for way to long. P.Ramlee did the 'gitu-gitu' bit and half a century later, we are still emulating that?

I'd hate so say stuff about our music scene because I don't want to be accused of having conflict of interests but I can't help point out that our TOP local stations play more Lady Gaga and that girl-boy Bieber more times than rabbits fuck.

We have good music and having only a hour-long music chart is not good enough. I know that at the end of the day it's all money but do we hear an American calling us up wondering who Yusri is sleeping with now?

Perhaps the government could impose a quota, I mean we are used to quotas, what's another, right, of local content on all fronts? Or we as a people start demanding?

Buy Malaysian, Travel Malaysian...content? Foreign!

Self Help: How to shave with ONE SHAVER

Remember a few posts back, which seems like forever from today? You know, the one about the benefits of shaving?

Fuck, you do have the memory of a bloody gold fish. This is the post I'm talking about!

Ever since that post, I've been getting loads of questions. I was amazed at the different levels of questions I got. I didn't know whether I should laugh, cry, spit shit out of my nose or just go fuck a mermaid but here are some of the questions which I'll  answer here but do take note that I'm not paid to entertain questions like these and your daddy should be the one teaching you about shaving (Ladies with daddy issues, kindly drop your number).

Q:  Would you recommend a three or four bladed razor?

A:  Why don't you go all out and get a seven-bladed one

 

 

 

Get this perhaps

Q:  How much foam should I apply?

A:  Fuck off!

Q:  How often should I shave?

A:  Depends how long your hair takes to grow, you bloody gorilla!

However, this takes the cake:

I only have one shaver? How do I go about shaving my whole body?

Firstly, how the fuck do you have only ONE SHAVER? Don't you have a 7-11  or a KK Mart nearby or a kitchen knife? Please get another shaver...or two!

If you live on a tree beside a cave in the middle of the jungle and your only way out is to be eagle bait, then let me shed some light on how you should shave yourself.

Rule of thumb is, please trim yourself to have hair/fur at most 3cm. Get scissors or a lawnmower. Now comes the important bit. Essentially, men need to keep all parts well groomed. Therefore equipped with only ONE shaver, please shave in this order:

Face
Chest 

Back (If you have limbs of a spider monkey)

Armpit

Crotch

Always shave till you are happy with the result and never, Never, NEVER go back. You just don't shave your face then move to your balls and say:

Hey, I think that little patch under my lower lip needs no go.. 

Sick!

The Official Chick Code...Part 2

The Chick Code

Article 31:
When on the prowl, a Chick hits the most decent seeming guy first in hopes of catching a good one.

Article 32:
A Chick must get married before she's forty.

Article 33:
When in a public restroom, a Chick (1) does not look in between the crack in stall doors, even by accident; (2) waits until the restroom is completely empty before streaking to the next stall when you find that the stall you chose has no toilet paper rather than asking anyone if they could pass her any (this also applies for when she needs to sprint to the tampon dispenser thingy); (3) taps foot impatiently and huffs a bit when there is a wait; (4) always uses soap.

Article 34:
Chicks never reveal where they get their toys especially when involved in lesbian intercourse or a tricycle.

Article 35:
A Chick never rents or buys porn.

Article 36:
When the situation arises where a Chick spies another Chick with fake breasts while with her boyfriend, then he comments on it, a Chick always has the right to read between the lines at the bf's reaction comment (aka catching him staring at her breasts--but at least give him a few brownie points if he decries the silicon masses).

Article 37:
A Chick always reserves the right to get miffed if her male companion does not exhibit gentlemanly conduct (i.e. not opening the door for her, not pulling out her chair for her to sit down, not offering to pay, etc.)

Article 38:
Even in a fight to the death, a Chick never assaults, or attempts to assault, another Chick's breasts, bum, or "No-No Square". Scratching (this includes eye-gauging) is also not acceptable, on account of the usually long and sometimes sharp nails of our gender. Hair pulling, unfortunately, is both acceptable and encouraged.

Article 39:
When a Chick exchanges numbers with a guy, she is allowed to contact him twice before she must honor the weird "wait three days" thing guys do.

Article 40:
Should a Chick get the chance to be engaged to be married, her Side-Chicks are obligated to help the betrothed out in any way the bride-to-be deems possible. And they shall also throw her a kick ass bachelorette party as one last fling.

Article 41:
A Chick is always allowed to cry (and if she can cry on cue, all the better).

Article 42:
Upon greeting another Chick, a Chick may engage in a hug, cheek kiss(es), high five, hand shake, fist bump, Bro hug, jumping up and down, booty bump, or light ass smack, but never a kiss on the lips nor grope/caress in any way. Exception: lesbians.

Article 43:
A Chick loves her country, especially if it's in Europe.

Article 44:
A Chick may never take off or move around her swim bottoms while applying sunscreen, though untying the back of her top is acceptable.

Article 45:
A Chick does not go to a strip club as a general rule, though it is not completely prohibited.

Article 46:
If a Chick is seated next to a Chick who's stuck in the middle seat on an airplane, she shall yield her all their shared armrests, unless the girl has (a) been talking absolutely nonstop; (b) is snoring; (c) makes the Chick get up more than once to use the lavatory; or (d) is really fat.

Article 47:
A Chick loves pink, regardless to whether or not she really does live pink.

Article 48:
A Chick always, when the opportunity arises, participates in a drinking game (i.e. "I Never"/"Never Have I Ever", etc.) or risky party game (i.e. Truth or Dare, Seven Minutes in Heaven, Would You Rather, Spin the Bottle, etc).

Article 49:
When asked, "Do you need some help?" by a super hot guy, a Chick always replies yes, whether or not she's really got it.

Article 50:
If a Chick should accidentally boob or butt brush another Chick both shall continue on like nothing had happened. If a Chick should boob or butt brush a guy on accident she shall act like nothing happened and try not to blush.

Article 51:
A Chick checks out another Chick's blind date and reports back, though the Chick going on the blind date is obligated to still go on the date and give the guy a chance even if the report is bad.

Article 52:
A Chick is required to remember her Side-Chick's birthdays and anniversaries, and children's birthdays and anniversaries.

Article 53:
Even in a drought, a Chick always washes her hands after every potty break, and washes her face every morning and night.

Article 54:
A Chick is required to go out with her mother on Mother's Day, and her Side-Chicks on Halloween, New Year's Eve, Boxing Day, Black Friday, and Desperation Day (February 13th).

Article 55:
A Chick is always allowed to borrow clothes from another Chick, unless said clothes are unwashed, frumpy, obsolete, ugly, and/or gross.

Article 56:
A Chick is required to alert another Chick if the Guy/Chick Ratio at a party falls below 1:1. However, so not to create a Chicklandia, a Chick may only alert three Side-Chicks. Chicklandia is when there is little to no men, while a Sausage Zone is when there is little to no women. The perfect range is around "for every girl there is three guys".

Article 57:
A Chick always reveals the score of a sporting event to a guy, if she can remember it.

Article 58:
A Chick always shaves, or waxes, her legs, armpits, eyebrows if they need to be, and "down there" (if the need be, then other places may be shaved/waxed as well). Exception: butch lesbians, girls too uncomfortable or sensitive, or girls who are making a statement by not doing it.

She didn't get the memo

Article 59:
A Chick always brings a jailed Chick the necessities ("necessities" may vary in definition for each individual, so be sure to know what the jailed Chick would appreciate).

Article 60:
A Chick will always be respectful to others' parents, even if they're driving her insane.

Article 61:
A Chick will always alert the significant other of her Side-Chick's life to an upcoming anniversary, birthday, or other important events. This is to protect the feelings of her Side-Chick, because you know that the significant other she's alerted had forgotten.

Article 62:
In the event that two Chicks lock on to the same target, they may be somewhat petty towards the opposing chick and somewhat slutty to the target. It is important that the target be aware that there is competition for his affection, but not find out just how vicious and important the situation is. Should it happen that the target choose neither Chick, they reserve the right to blame each other and call each other bad names under their breath.

Article 63:
A Chick will be completely supportive of all decisions of her Side-Chick in the event of pregnancy. This includes the touchy subject of abortion, but even then a Chick must respect any and all decisions made by the preggo Chick.

Article 64:
In the case of a road trip, the Chick that suggested the road trip must pay for the food and a fraction of all other expenses. Bad things, like car sickness or post-Taco Bell potty breaks, and it will be blamed on the Chick who suggested the road trip. Therefor, she must pay more.

Article 65:
A Chick can order any type of alcoholic drink she wants. Because, unlike men, we can have both fruity drinks with umbrellas and cheap beer.

Article 66:
A Chick shall always participate in karaoke when the even arises, and, if she can't carry a tune, reserves the right to pretend to be drunk or get drunk.

Article 67:
Should you know for a fact that your Side-Chick's significant other is cheating on her, then she MUST tell her Side-Chick, even though it'll hurt her. Getting evidence first also helps.

Article 68:
A Chick must NEVER EVER EVER get her vagina pierced.

Article 69:
Duh.

Article 70:
A Chick will drive another Chick to the airport and, if she's available, also pick her up--both of which on time and/or early. She is expected to inquire how her trip was and her general well-being, and at least offer to help her with her luggage.

Part 1 here
Part 3 cumming soon

How to live longer

So, a few more days to Christmas and I realised I wanted better health and a long life this year..how am I ever going to get that?

Staring at boobs

It's scientifically proven that boobs will help us MEN live longer.
Here's the math:

10 minutes of Boob-watching a day = 30 minutes of Exercise WILL increase the life-span of a male by up to 3,153,600 minutes = 6 years

Think I'm lying?

I'm NOT!!

Therefore, I've coined up a Christmas tune on my own to give to good ol' Saint Nick..

All I want for Christmas

Every body pauses and stares at she
These two tits are round as you can see
I don't know just who to praise for this discovery!
But my one wish on Christmas Eve is as plain as it can be!

All I want for Christmas
is your two round tits,
your two round tits,
see your two round tits!

Gee, if I could only
have you two round tits,
then I could wish you
"Merry Christmas."

It seems so long since I could say,
"Sister Susie has a nice left nipple!"
Gosh oh gee, how happy I'd be,
if I could only suckle (thhhh, thhhh)

All I want for Christmas
is your two round tits,
your two round tits,
see your two round tits.

Gee, if I could only
have your two round tits,
then I could wish you
"Merry Christmas!"

 *To be sung in the same tune of All I want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth

10 minutes starts.....NOW!

How to Eliminate the first 10 on The Bachelor

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The Official Chick Code...Part 1

After accepting the challenge by Khristabelle of posting the COMPLETE Chick Code..I, Darian Henry, the ALMIGHTY and ever Just read la:

The Chick Code

Article 1:

Chicks before dicks. The bond between two women is more stronger than the bond between a man and a woman because, on average, women are more willing and able to commit than men. 

Article 2:

A Chick is always entitled to do something wild, as long as the rest of her Side-Chicks* are all doing it. For example: partaking in "WOOO!!!"-ing. The license to be wild is why we have Side-Chicks in the first place.

Article 3:

A Chick never divulges the existence of the Chick Code to a man. It is a sacred document not to be shared with guys for any reason...no, not ever that reason. Note: if you a man reading this, first, let me apologize: it was never my intention for this book to contain this much math. Second, I urge you to look at this document for what it is--a piece of fiction meant to entertain a broad audience through the prism of stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really is like we're from different planets! -Too late! 

Article 4:Whether she cares about shopping/shoes/clothes/makeup/etc or not, a Chick cares about [the aforementioned].

Article 5:A Chick shall not stare inappropriately if she and other Chicks must get naked in front of one another in a locker room. You may gossip, joke around, and many other fun activities but never should you stare at another Chick's breasts, "No-No Square", and/or bum.

Article 6:A Chick never admits that she's PMSing to a guy, not even when she is PMSing.

Article 7: 

A Chick always sends greeting cards (even if she doesn't really want to). While some Chicks may not enjoy sending greeting cards, the respectable thing to do is to send one, whether it be a "Thank You" Note, a "Get Well Soon" Card, a Birthday Card, a "Congratulations" Card, a Holiday Card, or a "Thinking of You" Note.

Article 8:Should a Chick be critically injured, her Side-Chicks are to never make jokes about it, unless the hurt Chick does first.

Article 9:A Chick will drop whatever she's doing and rush to help her Side-Chick when and if she gets dumped. Things required to ensure maximum comfort for your dumped Side-Chick: a shoulder to cry on, arms to hug, things to break, tissues, chocolate, alcohol, chick flicks, angry chick music, popcorn, mani/pedi kit, facial kit, and words aimed to describe what a douche what's-his-face was.

Article 10:A Chick always asks for a guy's help when moving. For more effective results (aka getting a reluctant guy friend to move your massive couch and queen sized bed) butter him up about how strong and able and manly he is. For even more effective results, it is acceptable to slut it up a little or "involuntarily" show off your assets while buttering up. Pouting and begging in a sexual manner are also acceptable in this situation.

Article 11:On dinner dates, do not eat like a pig. But do not be peckish either. And when dessert rolls around, and you're hoping for an "active" night, nonchalantly licking icing, whipped cream off your finger(s), or the underside of your utensil works most effectively.

Article 12:A Chick must always help her fellow Chicks stay away from known or rumored creepers.

Article 13:A Chick shall always help a Side-Chick get a guy. Should your Side-Chick be pursuing a taken guy (in a relationship, engaged, or married) you are not obligated to help her win him.

Article 14:If a guy should inquire about another Chick's sexual history, a Chick shall lie and say that she doesn't know so that the Chick questioned about looks not like a whore nor a prude. Exception: should a guy inquire about another Chick's sexual history with women, a Chick shall indignantly say that the Chick questioned about has never done anything with in a sexual nature with a woman or women, regardless of whether or not she has ("I don't know" is also acceptable but not suggested). Exception to Exception: The Chick questioned about had previously told you of their sexual interactions with women and it was not a secret.

Article 15:A Chick never dances stupidly nor too slutty. Exception: when a Chick is drunk or under the pretense of being drunk.

Article 16:A Chick should be able, at any time, to recite the following: winner of American Idol and Project Runway; who's on the cover of Vanity Fair and Vogue; the the new hottest couple is; who the top celebrity couples are; what the latest celebrity scandals are.

Article 17:

A Chick shall be kind and courteous to her co-workers, unless they are beneath her on the Pyramid of Screaming, i.e. C-workers who are total jerk wads, completely incompetent, and/or inappropriate (You know what kind of inappropriate).

Article 18:A Chick shall not sleep with another Chick's brother (unless genuinely deemed okay with the Chick who has the brother). However, a Chick shall not let it bother her in any way if another Chick says, "OMG you're brother is, like, so hott!" And should a Chick's brother be interested in the Chick's friend, it is not acceptable for them to get together unless genuinely deemed okay by the Chick with the brother.

Article 19:A Chick respects Chicks in the military because they've selflessly chosen to defend the nation, but more the point, because they can totally kick your ass when you comment on how camouflage print doesn't look good on them or their tragic haircut.

Article 20:
A Chick may share her observations about another Chick's smoking-hot boyfriend, but in no way must she say anything further to ensure that the Chick with with hot bf doesn't think that the observing Chick will attempt to steal the bf in any way, shape, or form.

Article 21:
Homosexual men are completely acceptable as Side-Chicks. Sometimes even better. For example, less of your Gucci's will "go missing". Unless your homosexual guy-friend cross-dresses, which is also completely acceptable.

Article 22:
There is no law that prohibits a straight man from being a Side-Chick or "one of the girls". He can make a wonderful wingman or, if all else fails, a backup boyfriend/hubby.

Article 23:
A Chick shall not sleep with another Chick's ex, unless the Chick whose ex it is does.

Article 24:
If two Chicks get into a fight, they shall make catty remarks and pretend to ignore each other, rather than stripping down and wrestling it out. See Article 38(see how cleverly I get you to look out for the next one) for a description of the rules should the strip-n-wrestle situation occur.

Article 25:
If two Chicks are wearing the same outfit, each retains the right to "accidentally" spill a drink on the other.

Article 26:
A Chick doesn't let another Chick get a"tramp stamp".

Article 27:
A Chick never removes her clothing in public, unless at a pool, beach, or (sometimes) a concert.

Article 28:
A Chick will, in a timely manner, alert her Side-Chicks to the existence of a sale/clearance.

Article 29:
If two chicks decide to catch a movie together, they shall split a tub of popcorn to save money. However, they are not to share a drink because that would just be awkward.

Article 30:
A Chick comparison shops.

Part 2 Cumming Soon

In light of the seriousness of the matter, I have decided NOT to put any pictures

Not the BRO code

I've got no stories yet and I have finally gotten the complete BRO CODE..but this is NOT it..

The (now UNOFFICIAL) Chick Code

1) A chick shall not sleep with another chick’s ex-boyfriend unless the other chic does so first.

2) A chick never pays for anything. Ever!!

3) A chick shall never support another chick, whatever the reason maybe!!

4) If a chick asks another chick to keep a secret, then… Are you kidding!! In the entire history of humankind, chicks have never been able to keep a secret!! Ever!!

5) The favorite color of all chicks shall always be pink. And none other than pink.

6) If two chicks get into a fight, they shall make catty remarks and pretend to ignore each other rather than simply stripping down and wrestling it out.

7) If a chick hears a chick empowerment song like “I Will Survive”, she shall stop whatever she is doing, grab another chick’s hand and shriek the lyrics at the top of her lungs.

8) If the TV is showing the movie “My Best Friend’s Wedding” or “Sex in the City”, the chick has to leave whatever she is doing and watch the movie till the very end. No matter how many times she has seen it. 

 Corollary: A chick will quickly find some work in the kitchen or somewhere else if her boyfriend is watching the movie “Die Hard” or “300”.

9) A chick may get a dog as a pet but only if it fits in her mailbox.

10) If two chicks are wearing a same outfit, each retains the right to accidentally spill a drink on the other.

11) A chick shall not operate a motor vehicle in a safe manner. 

 Corollary: If a chick does operate a motor vehicle, she will at least hit someone.

 

A chic driving My chic driving

12) A chick shall never use the side mirror for applying lipstick while driving the car. It is extremely dangerous since it messes up the hair!!

13) A chick has a free pass to slut it up on Halloween.

 

14) A chick shall always say “Oww.. Sooo cute!!” at the sight of a baby or a kitten or a puppy or a man with a cute baby or a man with a cute puppy.

15) A chick shall never leave the house without putting on make-up first, even if the house is on fire. 

Corollary: A chick shall never go to sleep without putting on make-up first. 

Corollary: If a chick is on a date, she shall find some excuse to use the restroom at least three times in order to check the make-up.

16) A chick shall always demonstrate an absolute lack of common sense. Especially, if she is really hot!!

 

Bro Code cumming soon

How to keep your Astro/Celcom/P1 Services (Temporary)

Just last month I started a NEW job..so naturally some bills were unpaid delayed. And a few customer service personnel were given the task of calling me..and I think somehow their weeks and weeks of training did not prepare them for an encounter with me.

Here's how it went:

*Ring *Ring

Hello

Hello sir, I'm ******* calling from Astro. 

Yeah, can I help you?

Actully sir, just checking, Your name is Darian Henry, right?

Yes...again, can I help you?

Err...Sir, there's a problem with the payment for this month

Knowing I haven't made a payment, I answered:

What problem? There cannot be a problem..

Err..Sir, according to our system, there is no payment for this month and I have to disconnect your services today.

Wait, you said there's a problem with the payment, now you are telling me there is no payment...

Yes..err......

So now, there is NO payment, correct? 

Yes

Naturally, it means there's no problem with the payment...correct?

Yes...but..

So stop trying to be funny and leave my Astro alone..

Thank you Sir

OK, bye..

Bye, have a nice day..

*Click

The fellas from P1 and Celcom also called..same method..same results..

TRY IT!

p.s. They did cut my services..some 3 weeks later after adding a few pages to their Manual ;)

Because being a BOYFRIEND is like having a JOB

Folks,

I don't know if this would work for you, but imagine a world where life was based fully on merit (not applicable to PUBLIC university entrances/enrollments) where finding a mate would be the same as finding a job.

So, I've taken some time and company money to draft a cover letter and a CV for all of you who want to find a girlfriend.

Step 1: Get your Curricular Vitae done

See, simple and easy.

Note: If you put Elven, Wookie, Chubacca or even C++ under languages spoken, you deserve to be struck by a bucket of shit..unless of course, the 'job requires it.'

Step 2: Write a Cover Note

Your Cover Note should include your better qualities, but not give too much information and also a slight pledge to do something beneficial to your employer.

Here's an example:

Dear Miss xxx,

I read your application on a networking site advertising the vacancy of BOYFRIEND and I'm writing in to inform you my interest to fill in the position. 

For your information I first have to admit that I have a Bachelor status and I have no formal education and have never enrolled into the Institution of Marriage and have somewhat little to no plans to enroll in the near future as I have not explored my options as a Bachelor.

I’m self taught and am quite experienced in the act of caring and loving. I try hard to please and although I sometimes fail to do please, I do have a tub of ice-cream and a girly movie as a back-up. I’m also somewhat equipped with the art of serenading even if it means making up lyrics.

I also aspire to learn <something she's passionate about> and to learn to eat <her favourite food>.

I have also enclosed a CV for your perusal

Hoping to hear from you soon,

<Your name>

Now, YOU are all set!

Just wait for the call..SHIT, SHOWER and SHAVE (yes, all over...just in case) and go get that JOB

p.s. It works both ways, so ladies can also use this and it's also good for multiple applications

Shit on the Radio

Close to two years have passed and I hear same crap on the radio, not same songs but utter crap!

Here's some maths:

+

=

Anyhoo,

If we look at the evolution of the Blues, it started in Africa (a far cry from this Waka Waka nonsense) and it evolved into work songs that African slaves in America sung.

The songs they sung, My Lord...was of a higher intellectual and poetic matter. One that put their hardship, the heat, the long hours, sorrow, pain and even jokes, satirical content and much more into words and melody. Their first born would know of Africa through the songs sung, be it those call-and-return kind or straight up songs. Them working people sung the Blues.

When slavery ended, some Blues Men travelled up north while the others stayed down south. This emigration of the Blues Men proved pivotal for the development of the Blues.

However, we shall discuss Delta Blues, 12-Bar and Zeppelin in-depth some other time.

The Blues as we know it has evolved to various forms including hip swinging Rock & Roll, Jazz, Soul, Rhythm & Blues which all evolved further to Funk, Electric Blues, (now what we call) Classic Rock and it evolved more into Hip-Hop, Rap(Gangsta or not remains irrelevant), Pop, Pop (pronounced: ghey) Rock and much more.

So we have people like Elvis Presley, The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, The Beatles, The Who, The Beach Boys, Procol Harum, Aerosmith, Bon Jovi, Bryan Adams, Joan Jett, Heart, Guns & Roses, Chicago, Boys II Men, James Brown, MJ, My Chemical Romance, KISS, Queen, Duffy, Aretha Franklin, Deep Purple, Orianthi and many more even a Chinese song I heard (not listened) producing/recording a variation of the blues or at least have some bluesy influence.

There is without a doubt that The Blues plays a significant role in today's music. But how the hell can you compare a very suggestive yet sexual A Whiter Shade of Gray to Pitbull's Hotel Room. It's just rude..ain't it..no taste!

Speaking of repetition, I just cant understand why Hey Jude's
Na....na na..na na na na......na na na na..Hey Jude

doesn't piss me off as much as Justin Bieber's
I'm not even gonna type it..dicks! :)

In conclusion, we have evolved, theoretically, we are a more smarter race compared to some 40 odd years ago. So start writing songs that will actually suit our 'intellect'. Don't insult us with

Your feeling that tonight's gonna be a good good night

or

How lucky you are to be in love with your best friend

We just don't make songs like THEY used to..sigh..

Ooh..have fun with this one:

I'm back mofos!

After a series of password and login retrieving sessions, I finally got my password and login back.

Clap laa, Dick!

Anyhoo, to begin with, here's something from Little Eddie:



Enjoy..or be ridiculed!

Check this out:

Damn Funny...

Take Some Time From Your "INTERESTING" Lives & Watch These

THANX

RM 2.70?

Am I supposed to be glad that the two-tiered subsidy didn't come to effect just because I drive a 1.8 Mazda? The increase in petrol price is another thing I needed to FUCK UP my idle Wednesday. Thanks so much!

Some honesty in the build up could have been nice and maybe a little easier to swallow. Nevertheles, knowing Pak Lah, a sudden and stiffening rise as such should have been anticipated. I guess history does repeat itself.

Lets take 3 examples:

1st : I will not get married...he does a while later
2nd : Parliment will not be dissolved tomorrow...next day, dissolved
3rd : There will be no increase(in petrol prices)...now we pay RM 2.70/l

4th : I will not step down...times like this I don't really mind

Have we elected a mind games freak to the helm?
Does he think we like playing guessing games?
Is "subliminal messages" a new national policy?

WHAT THE FUCK?

Even cops in Hindustan movies fire better warning shots.

Now comes the Ubah Gaya Hidup bullshit..
Personally, how else are we going to ubah gaya?

Plant vegetables at the empty spaces of our house and high rise units to plant hydroponic vegetables was their dumb suggestions. From working to the jammed up commute how are we going to upkeep our little kebun?

Along those lines...will the government suggest we start some swine-breeding at home instead of electing them to office? Or are we going to be the FIRST vegetarian country?

MALAYSIA BOLEH!

Are our bosses going to increase our wages to help with the NEW & IMPROVED(not) cost of living? Or do you prefer waiting till August when petrol is rumoured to go up another 30sen?

Imagine This

The Ultimate Rejection:

Your hand falling asleep while masturbating

Definition: Agony

What is the definition of Agony?

A one-armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls.

What If?

I just hope laws like this never make it in our country.


The only thing that the Jabatan Hasil Dalam Negeri has not yet taxed is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemlpoyed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts.

Effective January 1st, 2009 your penis will be taxed according to size.

The brackets are as follows:

10"- 12" Luxury Tax..........$30.00

8"- 10" Pole Tax.............$25.00

5"- 8" Privilege Tax.........$15.00

4"- 5" Nuisance Tax..........$3.00

Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains. Anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund. PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!!!

Sincerely,
Pecker Checker
Jabatan Hasil Dalam Negeri

*****NOTE*****

We are still waiting for answers for the following questions:- Are there penalties for early withdrawals? - What if one's penis is self employed? - Do multiple partners count as a corporation? - Are condoms a deductible expense as work clothes? - Is there an additional tax if you are not circumcised?

REAL Milestones in a Man's Life - 100% Ori

Age 2
Being able to stand up and walk

Age 5
Washing/wiping own ass

Age 7
Going to school

Age 8
Learning to lie

Age 9
Using a pen to REALLY write

Age 11
Getting the tingly sensation from pulling the foreskin back more than 3times

Age 75
Actually remembering the tingly sensation