Hi..Selamat Hari Raya and Happy Merdeka (really?)
So, I'm back to take a swipe at another festive time of the year as I've done with Chinese Christmas and Chinese New Year earlier this year.
Honestly, I'm only doing this for two reasons: so I don't seem like a racist bastard by not posting about Raya (Chinese people have gone all sensitive after the 8TV thingy) and because I like doing stuff like this.
The Anti-Thrill of Hari Raya
When I was little, my classmates will tell me stories of how they'd gather round the TV before Hari Raya and Puasa just to listen to some old man announce the date. This old man is the Keeper of the Royal Seal or Pemegang Cop Mohor Raja-Raja Melayu. We shall now refer to him as Pak Cik.
As I grew older, I too began watching because I have Muslim relatives to visit and more importantly Raya means HOLIDAY!
So I began to notice how Pak Cik's announcements always fall on the same day as the calender and I honestly thought that Pak Cik was like a soothsayer (of course at 9, I did not use that word) until one day after having my awesome Lorong Char Siew Rice, my mum and I were in a goldsmith.
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| 3rd from right: My 9-year-old self and my oldest friends in the world |
The thing about any goldsmith on Jalan Bunga Raya is when you sit there, they'd give you a boxed drink, usually wintermelon tea (UGHH) and when you buy stuff, they somehow will always give you another gift.
This time it was next year's calender. The kind where the paper is thin and there are horses printed on every Saturday, Sunday and Wednesday. The kind where there'll be 11 pictures of animals and a Chinese character at the bottom where you can associate your birth year and see if you were born a bitch, swine or 10 other animals.
I flipped the pages, looking to see how awesome Miss July was and I kept on looking till I saw the dates for next year's Hari Raya. Boy, was I pissed. I was thinking they were sure gonna piss Pak Cik off when he sees this.
In a fit of rage I complained to my mom, demanding her to write for me a letter to Pak Cik to alert him of this conspiracy of the World Chinese Calender Makers Association (Malaysia). She refused. I think she feared for our safety. If you've watched Young & Dangerous, you'd be scared too.
Let's get some things straight here: I can write on my own, but in children's writing. I doubt that Pak Cik would take my theories of conspiracy seriously if I sent him the letter and the WCCMA(M) is a very secret organisation that even Google doesn't have any record of their existence.
As the years rolled on, my belief in Pak Cik's powers faded in the same manner when we realised things we believed in like Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and Democracy were indeed just stories made up to help us sleep at night.
This year however, with the WCCMA(M) announcing Hari Raya on the 30th while Puasa started on the 1st, I thought there was a glitch in the system, a calculation error.
I waited for Pak Cik to announce the date and make the WCCMA(M) look like assholes. I was getting more nervous as the seconds drew closer. My heart was racing. Sweat dripping into my socks and out of a sudden it was a deathly cold embrace that I felt as Pak Cik concurred with my sworn enemies. Was he afraid to go against them too? Or was he on their payroll?
Here is my call to you out there: Help me regain Pak Cik's honour!
This is how it's going to work:
1. We raise RM 200,000.00
2. We meet the WCCMA(M) with Pak Cik
3. We pay off the WCCMA(M)
4. We insist that they mess up their announcement of Hari Raya
5. Pak Cik announces the correct date
6. We win!
Nevermind that the last minute change will cause chaos and massive traffic overcrowding as well as dysfunctions of corporate and manufacturing establishments. We'll have Hari Raya that's not predicted by the WCCMA(M) and Pak Cik will again be the nation's most reliable source for Hari Raya..
Till next time!
