Not the BRO code

I've got no stories yet and I have finally gotten the complete BRO CODE..but this is NOT it..

The (now UNOFFICIAL) Chick Code

1) A chick shall not sleep with another chick’s ex-boyfriend unless the other chic does so first.

2) A chick never pays for anything. Ever!!

3) A chick shall never support another chick, whatever the reason maybe!!

4) If a chick asks another chick to keep a secret, then… Are you kidding!! In the entire history of humankind, chicks have never been able to keep a secret!! Ever!!

5) The favorite color of all chicks shall always be pink. And none other than pink.

6) If two chicks get into a fight, they shall make catty remarks and pretend to ignore each other rather than simply stripping down and wrestling it out.

7) If a chick hears a chick empowerment song like “I Will Survive”, she shall stop whatever she is doing, grab another chick’s hand and shriek the lyrics at the top of her lungs.

8) If the TV is showing the movie “My Best Friend’s Wedding” or “Sex in the City”, the chick has to leave whatever she is doing and watch the movie till the very end. No matter how many times she has seen it. 

 Corollary: A chick will quickly find some work in the kitchen or somewhere else if her boyfriend is watching the movie “Die Hard” or “300”.

9) A chick may get a dog as a pet but only if it fits in her mailbox.

10) If two chicks are wearing a same outfit, each retains the right to accidentally spill a drink on the other.

11) A chick shall not operate a motor vehicle in a safe manner. 

 Corollary: If a chick does operate a motor vehicle, she will at least hit someone.

 

A chic driving My chic driving

12) A chick shall never use the side mirror for applying lipstick while driving the car. It is extremely dangerous since it messes up the hair!!

13) A chick has a free pass to slut it up on Halloween.

 

14) A chick shall always say “Oww.. Sooo cute!!” at the sight of a baby or a kitten or a puppy or a man with a cute baby or a man with a cute puppy.

15) A chick shall never leave the house without putting on make-up first, even if the house is on fire. 

Corollary: A chick shall never go to sleep without putting on make-up first. 

Corollary: If a chick is on a date, she shall find some excuse to use the restroom at least three times in order to check the make-up.

16) A chick shall always demonstrate an absolute lack of common sense. Especially, if she is really hot!!

 

Bro Code cumming soon

Assignment Troubles...Solved!

So...

Ravena is a friend was stressed out because she has to finish an assignment of which she doesn't know the question to. Instead of advising her to change her evil ways and to start going for classes, I decided to help her finish her assignment by providing the question or topic of discussion.

Here's how it played out:

Morning..

Indeed it is the morning.

Has it been good to you?

Not at all!

Ughh!!

And with you?

Its been fair

How lucky

How bad has it been for you?

I've been sitting in front of the laptop since 10pm tryna finish an assignment which i don't have the question to...

...and my classmates are a bunch of assholes who aren't replyin' my texts.

Stressful morning!

Call them la!

I did and still no answer

Hows about I give u the question and you answer it la

Hahahahha..OK

Lets start with cup size.

-.-'

How can you describe the size of cups in your house?

Please note that cups may range from tea cups to coffee mugs.

However, masak-masak(toy) tea sets cannot be included

This is not a Multiple Choice Question**, hence answering 'C' will not work.

Ahahahahahahahahahaha...

I'm completely speechless..but I like the way you think

 To help her with her other assignments, add Ravena on Facebook

 Ladies and gents, Ravena Hundal's dog, Sherry

** Multiple Choice Questions also means OBJEKTIF or 'ABCD' for all you dimwits out there. Jeff!

JEFF 101: An Introduction to Jeff

Education time 

I see a lot of people using the term JEFF rather freely nowadays and some of them really do not have the class while using it.

JEFF is not an ordinary word

JEFF can't be thrown around for FUN

So, I've taken (my company's) time to teach you a little on JEFF

JEFF 


JEFF is an English word that is generally considered profane which, in its most literal meaning, refers to the act of sexual intercourse. However, by extension it may be used to negatively characterize anything that can be dismissed, disdained, defiled, or destroyed.

"JEFF" can be used as a verb, adverb, adjective, command, interjection, noun, and can logically be used as virtually any word in a sentence (e.g., "JEFF the JEFFing JEFFers").

Moreover, it is one of the few words in the English language which could be applied as an infix (e.g., "Am I sexy? AbsoJEFFinglutely!"; "BullJEFFingshit!").

It has various metaphorical meanings.

The verb "to be JEFFed" can mean "to be cheated" (e.g., "I got JEFFed by a scam artist"), or alternatively, to be sexually penetrated.

As a noun "a JEFF" or "a JEFFer" may describe a contemptible person. "A JEFF" may mean an act of copulation. The word can be used as an interjection, and its participle is sometimes used as a strong emphatic.

The verb to JEFF may be used transitively or intransitively, and it appears in compounds, including JEFF off, JEFF up, "JEFF you", and JEFF with. In less explicit usages (but still regarded as vulgar), JEFF or JEFF with can mean to mess around, or to deal with unfairly or harshly. In a phrase such as "don't give a JEFF", the word is the equivalent of "damn", in the sense of something having little value. In "what the JEFF!", it serves merely as an intensive. If something is very abnormal or annoying "this is JEFFed up!" may be said.

Other fun facts about JEFF:

JEFF is the brain-child of Ramon

JEFF is a short for the drug Jeffrey



  JEFF is also the name of this person:

Add him/her on Facebook here


To all who are really named JEFF, it's OK, it's not YOUR fault you were named JEFF. It's not too late to get it changed...LEGALLY!

There's NO shit on Mondays

As busy as I am at the new job, I've been observing the terms: Shit has Hit the Fan and I Hate Mondays quite closely and I've decided to once again put my GENIUS to great use and ANALise the term and how it works at a TYPICAL week in the office and have concluded that:

Mondays are cool 

I <3 Mondays!

I'm SCARED of THURSDAYS!

Data Presentation:

After WEEKS and WEEKS of taking samples from my office and 2 other offices, I've come up with this chart

 Which naturally translates to this GRAPH:

As you can see, Shit hits YOU at 0.7 (70%) or at 6.3 hours* on a Thursday which is at about 3.18pm!* 

With that, I leave YOU afraid of Thursdays and hopefully be more like me, with a BRAND NEW appreciation for Mondays!

I might be wrong, but YOU are most definitely not right

*Calculations based on a 9.00am-6.00pm, 9-hour (8 work hours + 1 lunch hour) working day; tea time, overtime and cigarette breaks not included; batteries sold separately

How to keep your Astro/Celcom/P1 Services (Temporary)

Just last month I started a NEW job..so naturally some bills were unpaid delayed. And a few customer service personnel were given the task of calling me..and I think somehow their weeks and weeks of training did not prepare them for an encounter with me.

Here's how it went:

*Ring *Ring

Hello

Hello sir, I'm ******* calling from Astro. 

Yeah, can I help you?

Actully sir, just checking, Your name is Darian Henry, right?

Yes...again, can I help you?

Err...Sir, there's a problem with the payment for this month

Knowing I haven't made a payment, I answered:

What problem? There cannot be a problem..

Err..Sir, according to our system, there is no payment for this month and I have to disconnect your services today.

Wait, you said there's a problem with the payment, now you are telling me there is no payment...

Yes..err......

So now, there is NO payment, correct? 

Yes

Naturally, it means there's no problem with the payment...correct?

Yes...but..

So stop trying to be funny and leave my Astro alone..

Thank you Sir

OK, bye..

Bye, have a nice day..

*Click

The fellas from P1 and Celcom also called..same method..same results..

TRY IT!

p.s. They did cut my services..some 3 weeks later after adding a few pages to their Manual ;)

Because being a BOYFRIEND is like having a JOB

Folks,

I don't know if this would work for you, but imagine a world where life was based fully on merit (not applicable to PUBLIC university entrances/enrollments) where finding a mate would be the same as finding a job.

So, I've taken some time and company money to draft a cover letter and a CV for all of you who want to find a girlfriend.

Step 1: Get your Curricular Vitae done

See, simple and easy.

Note: If you put Elven, Wookie, Chubacca or even C++ under languages spoken, you deserve to be struck by a bucket of shit..unless of course, the 'job requires it.'

Step 2: Write a Cover Note

Your Cover Note should include your better qualities, but not give too much information and also a slight pledge to do something beneficial to your employer.

Here's an example:

Dear Miss xxx,

I read your application on a networking site advertising the vacancy of BOYFRIEND and I'm writing in to inform you my interest to fill in the position. 

For your information I first have to admit that I have a Bachelor status and I have no formal education and have never enrolled into the Institution of Marriage and have somewhat little to no plans to enroll in the near future as I have not explored my options as a Bachelor.

I’m self taught and am quite experienced in the act of caring and loving. I try hard to please and although I sometimes fail to do please, I do have a tub of ice-cream and a girly movie as a back-up. I’m also somewhat equipped with the art of serenading even if it means making up lyrics.

I also aspire to learn <something she's passionate about> and to learn to eat <her favourite food>.

I have also enclosed a CV for your perusal

Hoping to hear from you soon,

<Your name>

Now, YOU are all set!

Just wait for the call..SHIT, SHOWER and SHAVE (yes, all over...just in case) and go get that JOB

p.s. It works both ways, so ladies can also use this and it's also good for multiple applications