The Chick Code
Article 31:
When on the prowl, a Chick hits the most decent seeming guy first in hopes of catching a good one.
Article 32:
A Chick must get married before she's forty.
Article 33:
When in a public restroom, a Chick (1) does not look in between the crack in stall doors, even by accident; (2) waits until the restroom is completely empty before streaking to the next stall when you find that the stall you chose has no toilet paper rather than asking anyone if they could pass her any (this also applies for when she needs to sprint to the tampon dispenser thingy); (3) taps foot impatiently and huffs a bit when there is a wait; (4) always uses soap.
Article 34:
Chicks never reveal where they get their toys especially when involved in lesbian intercourse or a tricycle.
Article 35:
A Chick never rents or buys porn.
Article 36:
When the situation arises where a Chick spies another Chick with fake breasts while with her boyfriend, then he comments on it, a Chick always has the right to read between the lines at the bf's reaction comment (aka catching him staring at her breasts--but at least give him a few brownie points if he decries the silicon masses).
Article 37:
A Chick always reserves the right to get miffed if her male companion does not exhibit gentlemanly conduct (i.e. not opening the door for her, not pulling out her chair for her to sit down, not offering to pay, etc.)
Article 38:
Even in a fight to the death, a Chick never assaults, or attempts to assault, another Chick's breasts, bum, or "No-No Square". Scratching (this includes eye-gauging) is also not acceptable, on account of the usually long and sometimes sharp nails of our gender. Hair pulling, unfortunately, is both acceptable and encouraged.
Article 39:
When a Chick exchanges numbers with a guy, she is allowed to contact him twice before she must honor the weird "wait three days" thing guys do.
Article 40:
Should a Chick get the chance to be engaged to be married, her Side-Chicks are obligated to help the betrothed out in any way the bride-to-be deems possible. And they shall also throw her a kick ass bachelorette party as one last fling.
Article 41:
A Chick is always allowed to cry (and if she can cry on cue, all the better).
Article 42:
Upon greeting another Chick, a Chick may engage in a hug, cheek kiss(es), high five, hand shake, fist bump, Bro hug, jumping up and down, booty bump, or light ass smack, but never a kiss on the lips nor grope/caress in any way. Exception: lesbians.
Article 43:
A Chick loves her country, especially if it's in Europe.
Article 44:
A Chick may never take off or move around her swim bottoms while applying sunscreen, though untying the back of her top is acceptable.
Article 45:
A Chick does not go to a strip club as a general rule, though it is not completely prohibited.
Article 46:
If a Chick is seated next to a Chick who's stuck in the middle seat on an airplane, she shall yield her all their shared armrests, unless the girl has (a) been talking absolutely nonstop; (b) is snoring; (c) makes the Chick get up more than once to use the lavatory; or (d) is really fat.
Article 47:
A Chick loves pink, regardless to whether or not she really does live pink.
Article 48:
A Chick always, when the opportunity arises, participates in a drinking game (i.e. "I Never"/"Never Have I Ever", etc.) or risky party game (i.e. Truth or Dare, Seven Minutes in Heaven, Would You Rather, Spin the Bottle, etc).
Article 49:
When asked, "Do you need some help?" by a super hot guy, a Chick always replies yes, whether or not she's really got it.
Article 50:
If a Chick should accidentally boob or butt brush another Chick both shall continue on like nothing had happened. If a Chick should boob or butt brush a guy on accident she shall act like nothing happened and try not to blush.
Article 51:
A Chick checks out another Chick's blind date and reports back, though the Chick going on the blind date is obligated to still go on the date and give the guy a chance even if the report is bad.
Article 52:
A Chick is required to remember her Side-Chick's birthdays and anniversaries, and children's birthdays and anniversaries.
Article 53:
Even in a drought, a Chick always washes her hands after every potty break, and washes her face every morning and night.
Article 54:
A Chick is required to go out with her mother on Mother's Day, and her Side-Chicks on Halloween, New Year's Eve, Boxing Day, Black Friday, and Desperation Day (February 13th).
Article 55:
A Chick is always allowed to borrow clothes from another Chick, unless said clothes are unwashed, frumpy, obsolete, ugly, and/or gross.
Article 56:
A Chick is required to alert another Chick if the Guy/Chick Ratio at a party falls below 1:1. However, so not to create a Chicklandia, a Chick may only alert three Side-Chicks. Chicklandia is when there is little to no men, while a Sausage Zone is when there is little to no women. The perfect range is around "for every girl there is three guys".
Article 57:
A Chick always reveals the score of a sporting event to a guy, if she can remember it.
Article 58:
A Chick always shaves, or waxes, her legs, armpits, eyebrows if they need to be, and "down there" (if the need be, then other places may be shaved/waxed as well). Exception: butch lesbians, girls too uncomfortable or sensitive, or girls who are making a statement by not doing it.
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| She didn't get the memo |
Article 59:
A Chick always brings a jailed Chick the necessities ("necessities" may vary in definition for each individual, so be sure to know what the jailed Chick would appreciate).
Article 60:
A Chick will always be respectful to others' parents, even if they're driving her insane.
Article 61:
A Chick will always alert the significant other of her Side-Chick's life to an upcoming anniversary, birthday, or other important events. This is to protect the feelings of her Side-Chick, because you know that the significant other she's alerted had forgotten.
Article 62:
In the event that two Chicks lock on to the same target, they may be somewhat petty towards the opposing chick and somewhat slutty to the target. It is important that the target be aware that there is competition for his affection, but not find out just how vicious and important the situation is. Should it happen that the target choose neither Chick, they reserve the right to blame each other and call each other bad names under their breath.
Article 63:
A Chick will be completely supportive of all decisions of her Side-Chick in the event of pregnancy. This includes the touchy subject of abortion, but even then a Chick must respect any and all decisions made by the preggo Chick.
Article 64:
In the case of a road trip, the Chick that suggested the road trip must pay for the food and a fraction of all other expenses. Bad things, like car sickness or post-Taco Bell potty breaks, and it will be blamed on the Chick who suggested the road trip. Therefor, she must pay more.
Article 65:
A Chick can order any type of alcoholic drink she wants. Because, unlike men, we can have both fruity drinks with umbrellas and cheap beer.
Article 66:
A Chick shall always participate in karaoke when the even arises, and, if she can't carry a tune, reserves the right to pretend to be drunk or get drunk.
Article 67:
Should you know for a fact that your Side-Chick's significant other is cheating on her, then she MUST tell her Side-Chick, even though it'll hurt her. Getting evidence first also helps.
Article 68:
A Chick must NEVER EVER EVER get her vagina pierced.
Article 69:
Duh.
Article 70:
A Chick will drive another Chick to the airport and, if she's available, also pick her up--both of which on time and/or early. She is expected to inquire how her trip was and her general well-being, and at least offer to help her with her luggage.
Part 1 here
Part 3 cumming soon
