Goal Celebrations and Its Importance

I'm back..again after a 13 month absence for Allah God knows how long this time before I become lazy again and in my escape from blogging I had gone thru many changes.

One of em changes I've noticed is my confidence in playing football or futsal. Now I try to play them at least three times a week and I'm loving it even though I still sustain a few injuries here and there.

Speaking of confidence, I have found my new lease on writing here thanks to a famous editor. Thanks EJL. :)

Back to sports.

I believe that the single most important entity in sports are the celebrations especially in football!

Be it a Cup Final or even a Wednesday evening kick about with friends. A goal has to be celebrated.

Here're a few ways goals are celebrated.

1. Mobbed

This is when you run aimlessly around the field, most probably with and arm or two in the air. Leaving a host of team mates chasing you and a few others coming from the front to hug you or tackle you to the ground.

This usually happens when a defender or someone very unlikely to score, scores.






2. Flips

Please only try these if you are like a fiddle..FIT!

You can show off your tremendous athletic ability by flipping front, side or back. I hate the guy but I've gotta admit that Nani has one of the better flip celebrations to date.

Video? NO!


3. Iconic

Iconic celebrations have become a trademark to a player and do it frequently other people will name the celebration after you.

Take a look at Shearer's or Sturridge's celebrations. They do it so often and consistant that the celebrations have been named after them. Also take a look at Roger Milla's dancing at the corner flag routine

Copying is fine but you'd most probably want to have a move of your own.


4. Team celebrations

Here's when after the final instructions of the coach during training that a few of you lads should stay back and work on a few routines.

They can be as simple as putting your shirt at the corner-flag and you and your team mates dance around it ala Bouba Diop at France 1998. You might risk a yellow card for this though.





Or..

...as intricate, well-choreographed and entertaining as this team from Iceland. Stjarnan FC. My personal favourite celebrations.

Check it:





So, you'd probably wonder why I took so much time showing types goal celebrations.

Here's why:

Top 3 Reasons to Celebrate a Goal

3. Appreciation of fine craftsmanship

Although a goal in theory, is as easy as taking a piss on your nasty neighbour's porch from the outside of their gate.

Pissing on the gate:

Step 1: Whip out dong
Step 2: Piss

Scoring a goal:

Step 1: Receive ball
Step 2: Score

We all know that it isn't all that simple...and I'm not even going to mention timing, positioning and to look if the neighbours are watching of course the involvement of your team mates.

In all honesty, a goal is a supreme end product of extensive fitness and tactical training coupled with a dash of intuitiveness and a splice of creativity which is held by the science of working together with 10 other people to beat 11 other men who have gone through the exact same thing.

Therefore, a celebration is not only necessary; I believe it is obligatory!




2. To fuck with the other team

It's a messed up feeling which is able to break the spirits of weaker men.

You are in the game and your whole team's formation is like the wall which Destiny Hope Cyrus hits while sitting naked on a wrecking ball, your 'keeper holds the ball as if he spread butter on his gloves instead of his toast and the other team scores. 

Your team mates hang their heads like there's an invisible noose attached around their necks. You know you'll need to score not one but at least two goals to win. 

And to top that off, a few fellas from the other side are either fishing (see Stjarnan FC video) from the edge of your penalty box or piled on top of the goalscorer in a scene matched only by hyenas devouring a zebra on Nat Geo. 

I'm sure at this moment, you'd rather be the fish or the zebra.

Loosely translated: You've already fallen, now the staircase falls on you.



1. Because you can!

Simple!

Have you seen the team who have just conceded a goal celebrate?

In the words of Beyonce Z: 

"If you got it; flaunt it!"

Now, go on and practice your celebrations. Just be mindful not to end up like these:

Five Ways to become a HARIMAU

Seeing that it is about 26 hours till kick-off at the National Stadium between bitter rivals Malaysia and Singapore for a ticket to the World Cup Qualifiers, I've decided to let you in on a few ways to get you in the mood.

How to prepare for a Harimau Malaya (Malayan Tigers) game?


1. Secure Entry


Make sure that if you aren't as Lucky as Ramon and Mario, you get your tickets early! Don't go around like a fucking hooker on crack trying to ask everyone, anyone and anywhere..including Twitter for tickets the moment the word is mentioned.

So, I bought tickets for 9pm..

Dei, the match is at 8.30pm! You better go early..and you got how many tickets, hor? Got extra ke?

The tickets...Captain America la!

Memang Douchebag la lu, bro!




2. Energize


Remember that games kicking off at 8.45pm can end at midnight. So, make sure you have enough water, food, rest, etc to sustain your energy levels.


Frankly speaking, cheering is almost as tiring as playing the damn sport because when we cheer, often or not our levels will peak in direct retaliation to what's happening on the field - be it a wrong offside call, a Jewish lad kicking the ball..or even dismal performances by our own lads. Therefore, the more often things happen, the more you peak in excitement and you get tired..




3. Seat Right


Generally, there are a few sections when it comes to seating at a stadium.


VIP Boxes
Here's where politicians and big names watch the games. It's believed that within the tinted glasses is a room where you can indulge to your heart's desire.


There even was a rumour that there were strippers, cocaine and midget whores inside a Manchester United - Cardiff or something game.


Grand Stand
This is where rich folks pay more to see the same game from the same distance as the Rakyat Jelata from the other side.


Usually occupied by kids who were bullied in school and think they are cool now.


Home Seats
The whole stadium except the top corner of the stadium and a few more rows


Ultras Malaya
Look out for people at top corners of the stands usually singing and drumming..sometimes dancing and most importantly cheering.


They'll most probably be wearing black tees with yellow scarfs held high









Away Seats
Whatever's left. Possibly 3 rows in some corner with a fucked up view.


For this occasion, look out for an awkward looking group dressed in either red and white (Singapore, not Indonesia) or Blue.






4. Get in the ZONE


To get in the zone, you'd need to prepare your mind and body for the experience. Here's the simplest way to shift to a football fan mindset:

I know the beer is Singaporean but the name is Malaysian but 6 of this, you'll be massive!

If you can't drink, Tiger biscuits also counts!




5. Lose Your Voice


Shout, scream, sing...tell the referee what a cunt he is, taunt the away fans. Go ahead! Don't just sit quietly, you have bloody libraries for that!


Here are a few songs and chants that might help you out tomorrow:


Negaraku


Inilah Barisan Kita

How it is



How it should be sung




Malaysia Chant






So, see you tomorrow in Black and Yellow!

For the love of the game..

So, the last of the English teams played our Harimau Muda last week. Three games in 9 days saw us lose all three conceding 11 goals and scoring 3.

Warning: If you can't take honesty, Faakaff!

The Good


Liverpool FC


Liverpool FC thanking MALAYSIAN fans for our warm welcome and hospitality. I think we have showed the team that Anfield is more than a stadium, it's an omnipotent sense of belonging.

Baru Training, bro

Besides that, it was awesome seeing Dirk Kuyt score on Malaysian soil.




XI Harimau


In yesterday's game, Ong Kim Swee fielded a nervous Select XI to face Chelsea. Although at times, I wished we realised that some of our players are about as tall as John Terry's nostrils and would stop trying to play the long ball, I must say defensively they showed grit, mistake-ridden grit.


We contained Chelsea for about 80 minutes before conceding a non-goal by Drogba.


Which is way better than conceding 10 goals and then blame your own supporters (Read On)




The Bad:


The Linesman


Entrusted with keeping the offside rule and the playability of the ball during the match was his responsibility. However, our dear sir, the linesman on the nearside failed to do so, resulting in two atrocious offside calls and awarding Chelsea a very much undeserved goal when ol' squinty claimed the ball had crossed the line into the goal. Dickhead

Lu tarak tau, lu tamau kasi gol laa

The Ugly




Najib Razak


Given that the Malaysian PM supports the wrong coloured team in Manchester and at the same time the mastermind of this 1Malaysia thing, with the naivety of a pawn on a chessboard, expected to see him at the Malaysian FA Cup game between Kelantan and Terengganu.


HE WASN'T THERE


I thought:
Fine, he is not from either state anyways.


Harimau Malaya played Lebanon and the Chinese Taipei, followed by an English giant, Arsenal and Chelsea with another coming up against our Evertonian-like neighbours, Singapore.


I swear I thought he was gonna be there giving his beauty queen wave.


HE WASN'T THERE


I looked at the papers. Like the UEFA Champions League I thought he was at a Mamak shop in Putrajaya and perhaps The Star would put him on the front page again and this time with a happier expression.

Front Page Material

IT WASN'T THERE


I was thinking Champions League was at 4am, so he most probably slept at 9pm. So it made sense that he wasn't there watching his potential voters play.




Rajagopal


Speaking of unpatriotic, Rajagopal having the traits of becoming a top class BPL Manager, white hair, somewhat master tactician and speaks total shit after his team loses, has infuriated 'Malaysian Scousers' by claiming we are not patriotic.

Just listen to him taking a rip at Liverpool fans, most probably he failed to realise:





80000 Malaysians cheered when Liverpool scored
87000 Malaysians cheered when Malaysia scored
29 mil  Malaysians think the free kick goal was top drawer
0 players were booed at the Malaysia-Liverpool game


I'd like to see him comment on the support Scums have if and when they visit next.




Benayoun's Treatment


Granted that calling him Judas is wrong because that might be a racial slur and Fernando Torres already has taken that one, the boos Yossi Benayoun got every time he touched the ball was uncalled for.

Liverpool fans were instantly blamed for giving him a hard time after his switch to London but that couldn't be right, Judas was cheered every time the camera zoomed at him.


So, the people booing him are from an obvious source for obvious reasons. What good would booing a scrawny fleet-footed Jew do?


I'd just like to add that the problem in the Gaza Strip is political and not religious as we zealously imagine.


Anyhoo, see you this Thursday as our lads take on Singapore.

Bend it like Reina

With modern football being somewhat of a fashion statement nowadays...all of the men boys I know have or still are idolizing some football star.

Walk down Drive to your nearby playground and you'll see kids dressed in the same manner their stars dress..from their kits to socks..even the laces on their boots mirror football players.

Here's where it gets interesting..their hairstyles.

Over the years..many people have been copying Beckham or even than Portuguese Prancing Pony Ronaldo..even Edgar Davids and Fellaini hair had followers

Edgar Davids' Predator look

Fellaini..I swear I play fustal with someone that looks like him

Confession: As a boy..I too had dreams of donning hairstyles like these people above. Sadly tho..the way my head is evolving, my only hope is to have hairstyles like Raul Meireles, Gary McAllister or Pepe Reina

Meireles

 

 

 

 

McAllister

Reina

 

 

As you can see..all of us share the same trait..baldness Liverpool FC.

YNWA!

Speaking of football...

Today's Lesson  

Football is not the gayish game Americans play with pads and helmets. 

Football is 22 men running around a field trying to get a ball into a net while Howard Webb one Jackass blows a whistle and two others play with flags while another holds up certain numbers on a board from time to time.

The Americans play: Gay Rugby

She can play on my team...anytime XD

Tantalizing Final waits Akak FC

Outside favourites Akak FC is one match away from winning the first ever Vuvuzela Cup after a hard fought semi-final match against Raju’s 7 FC.

Rated 146/1 to win the Cup, Akak FC didn’t look at all strong on paper as the manager named a totally make-shift side as most of their superstars are still involved in the World Cup.

The side started without a recognized goalie and midfield hard-man, Joel Black started between the posts. In front of him was Edward James who was unfortunate not to be called up to the Timor Leste World Cup squad as Darian Henry who has imposed a self-exile from the Uzbekistan international squad played right in front of the much improved James.

Timothy ‘Small’ Fernandez spearheaded the attack while on-loan John provided the creative spark in midfield. The five were chosen ahead of brothers Ramon and Mario Singho as well as Jude Alexander who is still not fit to play a full game.

The underdogs took the lead with two quick goals – one stunning individual effort from John while Small reminded his critics on why he is still regarded as the best goal-poacher of his generation.

Mid-game, the manager threw in surprise changes putting Darian in goal and took off Small, Edward and Joel for the introduction of the Singhos and Jude.

Lacking match fitness and playing in an unfamiliar position saw Jude and Darian let in 7 goals as Raju’s 7 FC took the lead for the first time.

Small came in for John and Joel for Jude saw Akak FC recollected themselves and reclaimed the lead through neat passing and clinical finishing.

Akak FC and Raju’s & FC continued to make changes and goals were just coming in for both sides. At the final whistle, Akak FC won the game 21-14.

Underdog tag did wonders

Speaking to the press after the game, Jude noted that going in as underdogs helped ease the pressure to win the game.

“I like the fact that we were given the underdog tags. It helped us focus on the game at hand,” said the full back adding, “When you look at the scoreboard at the final whistle, and you’ve realized you’ve won when the whole world expect you not to win, its an empowering feeling.”

Edward, who has just come back from holiday, on the other hand was more critical of the performance himself although he praised the team for their showing.

“For a while, I was lost, their attackers read my game and I found it hard to cope. I asked to be substituted. On the bench, I watched our opponents carefully and took mental notes so when I came back on the pitch, I was ready for them.

“I’ve got to be honest, we didn’t field our strongest side but the boys really showed what we are made of,” he said while waving to fans.

Ramon, the elder of the Singho brothers believed that Akak took their chances well and the team played well as a unit.

Selection woes as World Cup, injuries and fatigue takes toll on team

Akak FC might be facing a selection crisis as a large number of their players are still not training for various reasons.

Zachary de Costa has been the latest inductee to the injured list when he failed a last minute fitness test. The winger who has been complaining of a strain to his back is expected to be back in training in a few days while club skipper Rueben James is still nursing a hamstring injury.

Several stars including Marshall Francis and Timothy ‘Pato’ Chase are experiencing jetlag after their country; Mongolia was unfortunately eliminated by Austria in a nail-biting quarter-final match which saw the European side go through to the semis after winning the match via penalty kicks.

The Nepalese squad including Shaun Sandhu whom were also eliminated are held up in Cambodia after boarding the wrong plane from South Africa. To make matters worse, their vuvuzelas which the team brought back from the tournament have been confiscated by the Cambodian authorities as the device is said to be a new variation of transporting cocaine. The customs now risk the wrath of Sandhu.

In other news, Kaka, Gab, JJ, Ethan, Terrance and Colin (Trinidad & Tobago), Shwank and Surya Rao along with Francois (Pakistan) will face each other on Thursday evening’s World Cup semi-final match.

The fans however are optimistic that Aaron Mong will return to the squad sooner than expected as there are rumours of Mong experimenting physiotherapy and traditional massages to speed up his recovery from the knee surgery. Also, full-back cum goalie JaQuah who is on loan to Genting is expected to return for a week while Trevor James has taken up coaching and herbal sciences to help boost the team's work rate.

Another matter that is bound to anger the under-pressured manager is striker Anslem ‘Ratatouille’ Gomis’ excuse for missing the game against Raju’s 7 FC. The feisty striker claims he missed the train to the stadium.

Cursed?

Have you abstained from buying pirated DVDs lately, like a teenager trying not to wank on Christmas morning and gone out to watch a movie (hell...any bloody movie. Pedophile vampires that sparkle, perhaps? Or Tin Man from Wizard of Oz's lean mean cousin fighting to save the world?)

Well, if you haven't (you cheapskate dick), go watch one before it's too late, but if you have, you'll notice a certain Nike ad.

In the ad, there are football stars playing in the World Cup (without the awesome vuvuzelas) running and jumping and kicking but whats more important is the split second before they make their next destiny altering move, their lives flash in front of them and by far Wayne 'Shrek' Rooney's is the funniest.

Anyhoo, the advert showed them achieving major success after the World Cup. Now, lets flip the back pages of the biased newspapers.

It seems that all the players highlighted in the ad are no longer in the World Cup and I know that this is pure coincidence, but isn't it fun building conspiracy theories about the sort of hoodoo Adidas cast upon the superstars of Nike right?

Anyhoo,

For all the cheapskate dicks, here's the ad..in HD..NOT!

Drogba, Canavarro, Rooney, Ribery, Ronaldinho, Ronaldo

Oh..Ronaldinho didn't even make the squad.

Team Updates

In a surprise turn of events, star goalkeeper Sushil ‘Murugesu’ Nair (Mon) has rejected a four year contract offer and handed a transfer request to the club in the middle of a tremendous season at the PJ based club.

Announcing his intentions after an empathic victory last Thursday, Mon admitted that although his departure is at the crucial time of the season, his exit is inevitable although he hinted at a possible return to the club.

I know it’s not the best time to leave the team but it’s a very hard decision but we’ll never know, I might end my career here or somewhere else,” said Mon.

A source close to the club has revealed various reasons sparking Mon’s departure. Among them is the on-field bickering with hot-cold forward, Shaun Sandhu who is allegedly unhappy with Mon’s distribution of the ball.

Another possible reason for his departure is said to be the backlash of a prank gone wrong by senior marketing manager, Trevor James.

According a personal friend of the ‘keeper, James had promised an endorsed pair of gloves and only found out of the prank moments before the match, where the team suffered their worst lost of the season, a 22-14 drubbing.

Mon’s final game for the club will be against a mystery side tomorrow where a win would put the club in strong contention for their first title after a mixed last season, seeing them missing out for a place in the continent’s elite competition.

Club president, Jude Alexander has played down suggestions of unrest in the dressing room saying that the club has come a long way and will be able to cope despite the departure of Mon.

“The team is playing well and we’ve finally got a good flow of things. We have turned ourselves into strong title contenders,” said the president before adding, “Mon will be greatly missed but I feel we have enough cover. He’s a great player and we wish him all the best at his new club.”

Trevor James looks set to return in between the sticks next week where he made a name for himself last season and parts of this season after a shock withdrawal from Monday’s training session. He had difficulty breathing and had gone to receive treatment.

In his last match, Mon will have the familiar back three of Jude Alexander, Colin Sta Maria and Joshua Gerard in front of him while the midfield looks rich with Kaka and Zach “Bulls” de Costa anchoring leaving Shaun Sandhu and Trevor James roaming the flanks. Timothy “Smalls” Fernandez will be spearheading the attack with club captain Rueben Moissinac supporting him.

Shwanky should be able to make the bench alongside brothers Ramon and Mario Singho among a host of other talented players, including the Handsome Boys FC.

While Mon becomes be the second player to leave the club after solid defender Theo Oliver’s loan move to another club, the club had officially unveiled recent signings Rayfeal “Kaka” Lopez, Shankara “Shwanky” Rao and Suria, who is trying hard to break into the first team.

Meanwhile, the injury-list of the club has also grown with Shwanky becoming its latest inductee after straining his groin during the last match which will keep him out for five days.

Aaron Mong is also recovering from an injury sustained during the Christmas season. Mong who failed preliminary fitness tests will be out for another month while promising right-back Edward James is still struggling with fitness issues.

Bear Beer

Intrudu came. Although I thought it's rather soon to celebrate since it's hardly a month since Nan's funeral (GOD REST HER SOUL), we still decided to have some fun after the splashing.

Afternoon came and we were getting ready for the annual fancy-dress (cross-dress) football and Mangs and I were pulling out our respective mother's clothes...from blouses to blusher and even fake moles like Sharifah Aini.

However, we were disappointed by last minute cancellations made by the ever so efficient organizers. *snort !

We decided to sit at the Padang and watch the Soccerstars (including Scott...shit) play football. In the meantime, Zach, Edward and Clifford went to get a few beers. When they came back, I knew they saw things my way...

They came back with cans and cans of Bear Beer. With it's 12% alcohol, everyone got a bit more drunk than usual.



Edward got an earful for trying to miss his bus...Zach drove home stoned...Clifford, Mangs and I walked home shoulder to shoulder to shoulder with cuts and tears on our feet from the bare-footed, alcohol-infused street soccer.

Mangs and I vomited and slept.