Happpy April Fool's Day To Mario...and to All!

I was browsing NOT looking for porn, when i came across this. I'm so sure Mario would love it. I just hope he's reading...

A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"
Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."
So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.
The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."
To which the mother replied, "April fool!"

How?

Little did she know, moments before the fight, he was trying to move into his new house today. While munching on two cookies he was pestering Bitch Boy to get the keys. It was on his fifth trip to the car where he loaded about thirty-five kilograms of stuff as he received her call.

In his mind, he was calculating if he could finish moving today as the weather has already turned gloomy. He thought he made a SMRT! move by not worrying her. Hence, he did not mention anything about the plan to move.

He wanted to finish moving today n follow her tomorrow but at the same time did not want to get her hopes up by prematurely agreeing to follow only to cancel later on. All he wanted to know was what exactly will she and her friends will be doing.

She cut him off. He got annoyed. Now, he is sitting and waiting for her to call even though she already swore not talking to him anytime soon. He now waits. He loves her...

Pak Lah Must Not Step Down...Yet!

I've been seeing and reading of calls for Pak Lah to step down. Some may call it irony or repetition - remember Anwar asking for Tun Dr M to bow down "honourably."

Remember this?
''Dr. Mahathir must accept the facts, hear the grievances of the people, of his own people, the Malaysian people, Mahathir's people and withdraw from the scene in an honorable manner," - Oct 1998 - of course it was regarding the Reformasi which viewing the circumstances I will be hit by comments that it is not the same as Pak Lah's situation...but spare a thought and remember closely...he stepped down in 2002...honorably? Maybe...

What did you think would happen to the country if Tun resigned after he was asked to?
If he did, our economy plunge so far down we could see Satan! We were already at an economic low at that time and all activists should thank goodness he stood firm.

If it wasn't for him standing firm, no PKR...no Opposition alliances...yet maybe and more importantly nothing to gloat or blog about nearly a decade later!

I am not criticizing the voice of the Rakyat in the elections nor am I buying front row seats to the gallows but if Pak Lah steps down now, Malaysia will have to be on guard. I'm not Nostradamus or do I want to be, but, are we ready for a political, social and economic turmoil?

By Pak Lah resigning now, wouldn't it theoretically bring us closer to a modern day Hang Tuah in full glory of keris swinging...a lost art some might say. :)

From what's happening in Perak, even the Opposition might not be able to take sell the idea of a Bangsa Malaysia. Racial composition again? After tonnes and tonnes of Bangsa Malaysia and Barisan Rakyat ideas, this?

NIAMAH!! (did i say it right, Pat?)

Go ahead and be heard! Anyone from Dato' Mukhriz and his dad to the trishaw puller in Malacca, or anyone who wants an immediate change of leadership in Malaysia voice out!

But if you ask me, if Pak Lah resigns now, it's like looking up with your mouth open just as shit is flung towards the fan! In the future however, if he steps down for reasons unmentioned now, we'll never know, would we?

Sex Quotes

*blush

1. "It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
Joan Rivers

2. "If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all."
Rodney Dangerfield

3. "Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy."
Steve Martin.

4. "My girlfriend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'."
Emo Philips.

5. "When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better."
Mae West.

6. "What's wrong with a little incest? It's both handy and cheap."
James Agate

7. "I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though."
Elton John.

8. "My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects."
Les Dawson

9. "I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
Woody Allen

10. "A terrible thing happened to me last night again - Nothing."
Phyllis Diller

11. "The Love Bird is 100% faithful to his mate, as long as they are locked together in the same cage."
Will Cuppy

12. "Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night."
Woody Allen

13. "My best birth control now is to leave the lights on."
Joan Rivers

14. "It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on."
Marylyn Munroe.

15. "Oh Lord, give me chastity, but do not give it yet."
St Augustine

16. "The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin."
Honore de Balzac

17. "My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty."
Woody Allen

18. "Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure."
Bob Hope

19. "I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women."
Bernard Manning.

20. "I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds."
Joan Rivers

21. "I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls."
Groucho Marx

22. "She said he proposed something on their wedding night that even her own brother wouldn't have suggested."
James Thurber

23. "My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often."
Emo Philips.

24. "It is impossible to obtain a conviction for sodomy from an English jury. Half of them don't believe that it can physically be done, and the other half is doing it."
Winston Churchill

25. "You know of course that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery, are now extinct."
Somerset Maugham

Of Curry Debal and Hopeful Churches Part 3 - It Is Called 'A Place To Rant"

Well, what makes the Portuguese people think they deserve a Church? Is it jealousy that every other race in the country, which congregates in a close geographical proximity, has a place of worship? Or maybe it’s because the only full-fledged Roman Catholic saint who walked the lands of Malacca and by the way cursed it to slumber, was not really Portuguese (he was of Navarre origin, by the way)? Or is it because there is no more land in the Portuguese Settlement?

NO OFFENSE TO ANY OF MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS OF DIFFERENT FAITHS. THIS PART IS JUST TO SHOW COMPARISON AND IN NO WAY IS MEANT ANY PREJUDICE, MALICE OR DISRESPECT.

Take a look at Take a look at any Malay kampung, there’s bound to be at least a surau somewhere. Even Pulau Melaka has a mosque when the place is practically lifeless. I can’t buy bullshit even if it’s on discount but if they were to say that the Portuguese community is a small community, then what about the Chitty Melaka, they have a temple. Or is the trend of breaking temples the new in-thing and the small Gajah Berang temple is on the list?

I hope I can personally smack the cheek of the next person who comes up and say that there is no more land for a church in the Portuguese Settlement. The issue of a hotel to come up in the Settlement was very easily settled when everyone believed there was no land. I think it was probably settled like this:

“Dato’, there’s no more land herelah to build the hotel. How ah?”

“Reclaim the sealah, we’ve done it to build Melaka Raya. Do the same here!”

I can only hope that when “hotel” is replaced with “cathedral (oh, come on, you know how it works, ask for a thigh, you’ll get a toe)”, the answer will be the same!

As far as I know, Melaka has the most inter-religious understanding. Melaka boasts Temple Street, a street where a mosque, a Hindu temple and Buddhist temple sit next to each other. With that, I don’t think the spawn of a new church would cause any distress in the local community.

To rub salt to the would, the only place of worship near to a Portuguese community will eventually stick out like a sore thumb in a few years time. Praya Lane as I know it is slowly diminishing to make way for urbanization. The land has been sold to developers and one by one; memories of childhood are torn down together. With the soon non-existence of Praya Lane, the chapel will remain but it will cease to be a bastion of the Portuguese Catholics, the jenti Kristang.

Currently, the Mass in the Settlement is celebrated every week with at least 300 (Leonidis is not involved) people attending…and it’s held in a community hall. Yes, Jesus was a simple man, born in a stable and worked as a carpenter but why compromise worship and confine it to a hall which can hardly sit 200 people? The worship has to be grand but if the worshipers are simple, Hallelujah!

It is not cool letting people believe the illusion that the HALL is overflowing with people that many others have to stand outside! Wouldn’t it be easier to pray in a little bit of comfort? I’m not talking a robot choir, air conditioning, 3D glasses, just enough places for everyone to sit inside and some fans.

Speaking of halls, the chapel in Convent of the Infant Jesus, Banda Hilir has been made into a badminton hall. Wow…creative huh? I don’t think the guys over at Casa Impian could have come up with such a brilliant conversion!

Here’s a hint to THE MAN, you (plural – it’s a Rock & Roll slang) have one parliamentary term to get cracking after calls to buck up to try to redeem yourselves! Do the right thing. No, the Kristang de Padre se Chang don’t want their hall converted into a chapel. They want a religious complex with facilities ranging from classrooms to places for fellowship.

Thank you for reading.

Of Curry Debal and Hopeful Churches Part 2 - Portuguese Heartache

Nearly 500 years later, a small Portuguese Community still stands along the shoreline of Melaka. Although the residents don’t really look like white Bengalis anymore, but the tradition, language, food, beliefs and religion are still strongly practiced.

The Portuguese Settlement is flocked by the thousands (in total) in late June during festivals like Festa San Juang and Festa San Pedro. Around six months later, the crowd would just come out of every nook and corner to see a snow less winter wonderland. It’s just madness (in a good way) to see the lights and decorations from every house. Giant Santa Clauses and mechanical sleighs just complete the hospitality of the people at the most wonderful time of the year…at least according to Andy Williams.

Christmas in Portuguese Settlement

It is also safe to say that Christianity, or the Roman Catholic faith came along with the Portuguese in 1511. (There are claims that the Nestorian faith landed in Mongolian lands, but that’s beyond the point) The ruins of a church, The Madre de Dios (Mother of Christ*) Church on St Paul’s Hill accentuate the claim that the first Portuguese were Catholics. However, the oldest performing Catholic Church in Melaka, St Peter’s Church was erected only in 1710 on land donated by Dutchman Maryber Franz Amboer.

Interestingly, the descendants of the first Catholics in Malaysia do not have a Church to boast in their back yard. They have a Catholic school which is no longer run by the men or women in robe. Thankfully enough some Catholic elements still stand strong. There’s also a sudden emergence of a certain hotel, which most probably were influenced by Goa or some other Portuguese conquest in India. The architecture seems just about Portuguese, with canons facing the sea and a small courtyard in the middle but the cuisine somewhat questionable. However empathic I may be, I do find a Nasi Kandar based menu quite far from the likes of Dabel (Devil) Curry or the Portuguese baked fish.

Debal Curry

Imagine food-lovers who waltz in the hotel’s cafeteria and asks for the menu, wouldn’t that bring shame to the hotel or even worst, the community...macha! The nerve! Anyhoo, we shall continue the story about the hotel some other time.

Work is Work

I woke up late this morning to the sounds of my MONOPHONIC, CAMERALESS phone ringing for me to be wished good morning. Laziness sat over me like a dark cloud. I admit I was about to succumb to it. I was going to call up the office and lie through my teeth about some overrated medical condition. Then I thought of what Scott told Paul sometime ago.

It was quite late or early in the morning (bloody politically correct people) when we decided to play Counter-Strike after shisha and mamak. Clifford and I was then in a non-profit organization called JOBLESS.ORG while JaQhua,Zach and Edward had the next day off. Paul and Scott were the only ones who had to wake up in less than 3hours.

"Cannot make it la..tomorrow work..I tired, balls."
"OK"
"No hal"
"I also sleepy dy"
"Come la..go home"
"Eh, Paul...chill la..I also work tomorrow"
"You sit at the desk, balls...I must change gearbox"
"Relax la..I also got work...must get up early, balls...lepak is lepak...work is work, Paul. We lepak today...Zach, Edward, Darian all down..."
"OK...1 hour la..."

So we went to play Counter-Strike and had fun like an 8-year old. Around 4.30am all of us went home to sleep.

When we met for breakfast(around 3.30pm- I got up at 7.00am...I SWEAR)...

"Paul sure never go work"
"Went, balls. He called me from office so that I'd believe him"
"Yes, balls. He called me also"
"You guess who my mother and I saw this morning"
"Who?"
"Who, balls?"
"OG?"
"Balls OG, I saw Scott, smiling out of Dr Pandu's Clinic...holding MC in his hands"

WORK IS WORK, eh?