Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

Here are some two sentence stories from my not-so-big brain (except for one brilliant piece by Godop). If you want to add on...please do:

Dream Man

She killed the man of her dreams. She then wondered if he'd still be dead when she awakens.

Two Men I
by Godop

Two men facing each other in a train coach, one asked the other,

"Do you believe in ghosts?"

"No," he chuckled, then vanished.

Two Men II

Sadness overcame the first man. He lamented to no one but himself,

"Why am I only visible to people who believe."

Rejected Calls

For the past two hours I've been rejecting tonnes of calls from her and then she sends a text,

"I'll be waiting for you at home."

I was at her funeral.

Best Friends

Although we've grown apart, Tommy and I were best friends since we were boys. It must hard for him to talk to me now ever since his mother convinced him I don't exist.

My Son

My six-year old son James was always fascinated to see how things work by taking them apart.

His sister's dolls, his race cars, his brother's guitars and now I'm digging a hole in the backyard to hide our neighbour's kids.

My Wife's Headache

Even though she has this constant pain at the side of her head, my wife never fails to provide me three meals a day and a kiss on the cheek before I leave for work.

How am I going to tell her that she's been dead for two years and headache is because I smashed her head in with my sledgehammer one drunken night.



Staying Alive

The moment I saw my limp body on the operating table, I knew the pills worked. The only problem is there was this horned man coming in my body and the heart monitor started beeping again.



Beautiful Eyes

Ever since he was a boy, he had an undying passion for a woman's beautiful eyes. Now on his deathbed, he insists that his collection of 300 pairs of eyes be buried with him.

I wish all of you the worst of nightmares and hope Freddie pays all of you a visit..

Have fun! 

Goal Celebrations and Its Importance

I'm back..again after a 13 month absence for Allah God knows how long this time before I become lazy again and in my escape from blogging I had gone thru many changes.

One of em changes I've noticed is my confidence in playing football or futsal. Now I try to play them at least three times a week and I'm loving it even though I still sustain a few injuries here and there.

Speaking of confidence, I have found my new lease on writing here thanks to a famous editor. Thanks EJL. :)

Back to sports.

I believe that the single most important entity in sports are the celebrations especially in football!

Be it a Cup Final or even a Wednesday evening kick about with friends. A goal has to be celebrated.

Here're a few ways goals are celebrated.

1. Mobbed

This is when you run aimlessly around the field, most probably with and arm or two in the air. Leaving a host of team mates chasing you and a few others coming from the front to hug you or tackle you to the ground.

This usually happens when a defender or someone very unlikely to score, scores.






2. Flips

Please only try these if you are like a fiddle..FIT!

You can show off your tremendous athletic ability by flipping front, side or back. I hate the guy but I've gotta admit that Nani has one of the better flip celebrations to date.

Video? NO!


3. Iconic

Iconic celebrations have become a trademark to a player and do it frequently other people will name the celebration after you.

Take a look at Shearer's or Sturridge's celebrations. They do it so often and consistant that the celebrations have been named after them. Also take a look at Roger Milla's dancing at the corner flag routine

Copying is fine but you'd most probably want to have a move of your own.


4. Team celebrations

Here's when after the final instructions of the coach during training that a few of you lads should stay back and work on a few routines.

They can be as simple as putting your shirt at the corner-flag and you and your team mates dance around it ala Bouba Diop at France 1998. You might risk a yellow card for this though.





Or..

...as intricate, well-choreographed and entertaining as this team from Iceland. Stjarnan FC. My personal favourite celebrations.

Check it:





So, you'd probably wonder why I took so much time showing types goal celebrations.

Here's why:

Top 3 Reasons to Celebrate a Goal

3. Appreciation of fine craftsmanship

Although a goal in theory, is as easy as taking a piss on your nasty neighbour's porch from the outside of their gate.

Pissing on the gate:

Step 1: Whip out dong
Step 2: Piss

Scoring a goal:

Step 1: Receive ball
Step 2: Score

We all know that it isn't all that simple...and I'm not even going to mention timing, positioning and to look if the neighbours are watching of course the involvement of your team mates.

In all honesty, a goal is a supreme end product of extensive fitness and tactical training coupled with a dash of intuitiveness and a splice of creativity which is held by the science of working together with 10 other people to beat 11 other men who have gone through the exact same thing.

Therefore, a celebration is not only necessary; I believe it is obligatory!




2. To fuck with the other team

It's a messed up feeling which is able to break the spirits of weaker men.

You are in the game and your whole team's formation is like the wall which Destiny Hope Cyrus hits while sitting naked on a wrecking ball, your 'keeper holds the ball as if he spread butter on his gloves instead of his toast and the other team scores. 

Your team mates hang their heads like there's an invisible noose attached around their necks. You know you'll need to score not one but at least two goals to win. 

And to top that off, a few fellas from the other side are either fishing (see Stjarnan FC video) from the edge of your penalty box or piled on top of the goalscorer in a scene matched only by hyenas devouring a zebra on Nat Geo. 

I'm sure at this moment, you'd rather be the fish or the zebra.

Loosely translated: You've already fallen, now the staircase falls on you.



1. Because you can!

Simple!

Have you seen the team who have just conceded a goal celebrate?

In the words of Beyonce Z: 

"If you got it; flaunt it!"

Now, go on and practice your celebrations. Just be mindful not to end up like these:

How much smarter can my phone be?

So.. This is a test post because I just found out I can fuggin blog from my phone.

Yes.. I downloaded the app..

Anyhoo.. Let's see if it uploads pics well..

Picture Sandesh sent.. Why?

Signing off with this -

How did the brother know his sister was on her period

His dad's dick tastes like blood..

This One's for The Ladies

So, after being challenged requested to do a piece about the whisky drinking habits of the fairer sex, I have decided not to do it because of this quote:

"Girls that take whisky seriously are often scary and have husky voices and their farts smell like smoke"  - Vishaal Vickram on most probably not Diandra Soliano

No one fucks, literally or verbally with women whom when they fart, might just be cancerous to inhale. On the other hand, I must insist that I'm not a fart smelling kinda guy...but psychologically whenever someone says they've farted, you do take a whiff, right? Or else how would you know the degree of the stink.. Think about it..

Anyhoo, I've decided to group from wine sipping women to free flow loving girls according to their drink of choice while offering tactless, fact-less insights on their psyche.


Victoria

Having a classy and elegant name, Victorias only sip wine or their bubbly cousins, champagne. Victoria will linger around restaurants that you most probably can't spell, let alone pronounce. Rarely seen drinking by the drain or in a parking lot nearby KK Mart, let alone your apartment that you share with 6 other people.

However, sometimes within the elite, there are some glasses among diamonds. Yes, there are wannabes and god-forbid hipsters.

How to spot faux Vickys?

She might drink according to one variable or another and might not know the true value of the beverage. For example, she/they might choose the oldest or most expensive wine from the menu, without knowing a thing about Merlot, Shiraz, 2007, 2001, South Africa, Chile, etc


Cindy

Cindy enjoys and appreciates the flamboyant and sometimes exquisite skill of the bartender in mixing her the perfect drink (for the occasion).

Ranging from a feisty Margarita to a sexy Singapore Sling or even a hackneyed Gin and Tonic, this lass usually could sip and chug the night away.

Cindy is not neccesarily refined but she does know what she wants and how she wants it for the night. She is usually very cautious on what she puts in her mouth for the night and can be very picky...with her drink.

To pick her up in a bar, one must usually gauge what kind of drink she is drinking and yet offer to buy her something that looks close but not quite the drink in her glass; giving her ego a slight boost and allowing her to think she has control over the lack of your cocktatual (it isn't a word) knowledge.

A common conversation might start like:

Can I buy you another Strawberry Margarita?
Err..you can, but I'm having a Frozen Strawberry Daiquiri, two shots of rum..
(I am in no way promising you a cowgirl ride. Why would I?)


Patsy O'Hara

She is a new breed of lasses who particularly enjoy the dark Irish drink brewed typically by her distant uncle, Arthur.

Emerging strongly among today's women in Malaysia are these elite yet artsy-fartsy group who enjoys their pint(s) of stout and never from the bottle or can.

Usually blue-collared individuals or deeply involved in the arts or media, Patsy have found the perfect elixir for she doesn't particularly enjoy neither the taste of beer or the fear of the development of the magical and omnipresent beer belly nor the strength or kick of a cocktail.

Patsies don't to be taken too lightly. They are no bimbos and are well-versed in the fields they are involved. They have an astute insight and are equally opinionated when it comes to music, film, photography, business and politics.

I like Patsy.

P.S. Some Patsies love ciders and beware, some hipsters live in this zip code.


Alice

Alice is your girl-next-door, ale guzzling hottie!

She enjoys the occasional ice-cold one but drinking capacity can be limited because of the tender ale's tendency of filling up before shoshing up, the broken seal syndrome (frequent pissings) or the most common fear: the beer belly.

Alices are fun to be with and usually have no problem having a bottled beer in a field in a housing estate or while camping out by the road in front of a KK Mart (quick tip: beers are cheaper here than in 7-Eleven) after the wretched barman rings the damn bell!

They have somewhat no problem taking a piss at a secluded stairway.

Alice usually makes friends rather quickly and easily with the opposite sex and they have somewhat no problem taking a piss at a secluded stairway.


Lindsay

Let me introduce the ultimate free-flowing party girl. These girls seem to have every free-flow pass in town and can be seen at every free-flow party from Jinjang to Sepang.

Before we go on further, I would like to state that free drinks is always awesome but, but, being at every party is somewhat ridiculous, unless you have that magical object called the MEDIA PASS!

These ladies hit the joints early, get liquored up before 10 and sustain till 3am. Yes, they can afford the drinks but free stuff is always just that much sweeter, right.

These lovely ladies are very friendly too, but thread cautiously, alcohol can spark waterworks, green-monsters or even sluttish tendencies! However, more often than not, these lovely ladies either will do ever so well with the decoration of the toilets from her stomach or be seen playing dead outside clubs.




So, what's your name, tell me what's your name?

Why I want to drink like a Sir?

Most probably the manliest drinks of all time, aligned with the fight scenes in Fight Club and probably with the amount of manliness the new Expendables movie has, is the full flavoured, unassuming scotch whisky.

Known as the Water of Life in the early days, Scotch whisky was said to have healing properties. No, instead of being sloshed, William Wallace had real guts and gusto to take on the King of England, HRH King Longshanks!

Over the years, like everything typically American (go see how they and the rest of the world play football), they tried to distil Scotch, fucked it up and came up with this whiskey drink they named after a county in Kentucky, Bourbon. I ain't dissin' the drink, but the primary difference, to me is the spelling and the usage of sour mash. 

Now if you look at Jack Daniel's you could ask yourself: What is Tennessee Whiskey or you could say that Mr. Daniel's could be pulling off and American within America..Americanception; or you could do what I do and shut the hell up and drink!

Now, to distract you from the fact that Jack Daniel's isn't a bourbon, here's a poem on spelling:

Whisky or Whiskey

A Scotsman who spells

Whisky with a n ‘e’,

should be hand cuffed

and thrown head first in the Dee,

In the USA and Ireland,

it’s spelt with an ‘e’

but in Scotland

it’s real ‘Whisky’.

So if you see Whisky

and it has an ‘e’,

only take it,

if you get it for free!

For the name is not the same

and it never will be,

a dram is only a real dram,

from a bottle of ‘Scotch Whisky’.

In KL, regardless if we hit the clubs in Changkat, pubs in PJ or the fuck coffee shops in Brickfields..as long as there's a few friends feasting over a/a few bottle(s) of blended or single malt scotch, there'll be different styles of drinking.

I'm not saying you are doing it wrong..I'm just going to evaluate the whisky drinkers by their mixers..beginning with the all time Malaysian favourite:

The Basic Drinkers

Many a times we see the wannabe Ah Beng-sters, Ali-sters (kinda cool, actually) or even Raj-sters buy bottles and bottles of whiskies and when the waiter comes to them and ask: Mixer? Out comes the cola and ice.. Oh Lord, not only are they killing the whisky's taste with the taste of the cola, but the ice actually waters down the whole thing leaving nothing to be enjoyed besides cold sugar water!

These people usually:

Don't like the taste of whisky

Believe the added caffeine and sugar will help them get high faster

Stick to milk if you don't like the taste of whisky 

The Hipsters

Now they might choose a non-cola mixer, but don't get me wrong, these people also aren't able to enjoy a nice glass of whisky.

At one glance, you'd think they are more refined by mixing a non-cola drink in their whiskey. But in reality regardless if they indulge in a dash of green tea or even a quart of hot chocolate (I don't know how it tastes like), this way of drinking whisky is only good for their hobo-looking, iPhone dialling, empty framed, snow cap wearing sorry asses.

Oh, these are also the people who fuck up wine by adding 7-Up, grape juice, lemon, etc... Bastards!

The 9.5s

These guys, almost pure class. They are the type who know not to fuck up the drink with A&W Root Beer or bastardly tomato juice but yet don't want the full dosage of the flavour of whisky in their mouth.

These guys can be spotted drinking whisky with water and ice, ginger ale, soda or even on the rocks. Almost close to pure perfection but not quite.

Ladies, these are the guys you should date and will be great lovers in bed..

The 'Like a Sirs'

Now these guys take it to a different level.

These guys are the epitome of exquisiteness of whom celebrate art as they yearn to take on and overcome the greatest challenges in life.

Whisky with a splash of water in a proper whisky glass, a tulip shaped glass.

A splash of water, they say will ignite the full taste of the whisky and its aroma will rise boldly according to the shape of the glass and evoke every nasal sense, sending euphoric signals to the brain to raise the glass and let the fluid flow past the lips to caress every inch of your mouth leaving it indulgently lost in the golden comfort of malted barley provoking a deep hunger for this perfectly crafted elixir which for years matured patiently within the confines of the sturdiest of oak casks ensuring the body and colour is preserved over at least three years.

This man doesn't down his whisky, he toasts every sip to the craftsmanship and beauty of producing a gentlemen's drink

This man drinks not because he can, he drinks because he is

This man will develop a strong passion towards the arts and a deeper appreciation towards artistry

This man is worldly with oceans of knowledge and wealth of opinions that he is ever willing to share

This man, sadly, is not me...yet

A manly drink, maybe...but it's drinkers can be pussies - Darian Henry (with Vishaal Vickram while setting Diandra Soliano right)

Notice there are no damn pictures today..Why? Because Nuffnang already has fucked me over for the past 4 years without giving me a cent...so, why should I promote another brand?

New Look; New Post

So, I've decided to change the look and reposition of some of the stuff from right to left not because I lack the creativity but because I'm not very smart when it comes to html..so I fear the slightest error will send my computer crumbling into tiny little bits and like Humpty Dumpty, I will never be able to put it back again.

Kudos to Ayin for helping me out..Great help!

No lah, I'm not that stupid (I try to convince myself everyday without fail), I just wanted change. Change from a lot of things. I was hoping that this blog will get things rolling..

Anyhoo, why change?
Why the fuck not?

Theoretically..you can be one of three agents of change.. You can be...

...the one who initiates change
...the one who administers change
...the one who is forced to change regardless of his/her willingness

Let's look at this from a perspective that's larger than life: THE FACEBOOK TIMELINE FIASCO

...the one who initiates change...

OK.. Like it or not, Mark Zuckerberg has this one policy: Swallow all the shit I feed you! From the first time Facebook became popular till today, he has made changes that no one really knows why. Perhaps Napster asked him to do so, perhaps he wants to see the world end (for some people), or because he truly believes that the change will be good and help us communicate better with one another and hide dirty linen harder from one another.

Zuckerbeng, seen here with his wife, Chan who wasn't interesting enough to make it to the movie..perhaps they haven't met, give me a break..sheesh!

The bottom-line is he initiated how Facebook looks!


...the one who administers change...


Here we have people who zealously and sometimes mindlessly carried out what's being asked of them. This has been looked as a noble and loyal gesture not only in the corporate world, but in the likes of the military and some even believe...in heaven. They say money, honour and a new set of feathers on their wings have driven them to do such things.

Well we will leave God and the army aside and look at YOU! Yes, you in the super-awesome-I-will-puke-rainbows-on-your-grandmother's-eyebrow-and-cure-her-from-cataract-like Facebook office!

See, these Facebook administrators have been doing the will of Zuckerberg.. first they send pop-ups and tutorials, then later they threaten us by giving a deadline, then they simply switch your profile to the Timeline and there goes your privacy settings. Now your boyfriend will for sure know you are fucking around..but all fixable within seconds.. Cheers for opposable thumbs and adaptability!

Whether they like the new Timeline or not they have to do it..therefore making them the administrators of change..


...the one who is forced to change regardless of his/her willingness...

My personal favourite, the end users..you, me, the people we love, along with millions of jerks!

You can say a lot about the way a person accepts change by the way they handled the Timeline issue..we have:

The Optimist:

Makes the best of things and does well with change
Will most likely look at the Timeline as another way to express creativity and him/herself
Still enforces custom privacy settings

Page will most likely look something like:

The Neutral:

Doesn't really care about the new changes

Changes profile picture

Updates status

Still enables privacy settings

Visit my FB page  to see how a Neutralist's page looks like..mine is somewhat private..

The Negative Nancies/Nicks

Will bitch about the Timeline

Will tag you in a picture about liking/sharing so Zuckerberg will revert to the old profiles after 200,000,000,000 'likes'

Will reminisce  about how awesome FB used to be

Will claim to have found a solution to the Timeline problem, which in reality is just some browser settings which is also kinda like having an unshaven crotch hiding a small penis and masturbating in front of a two-way mirror.. embarrassing on so many levels..

Oh you know those people..if you don't, it's most probably you then.. 

So well, just wanted to say either embrace it, initiate it or administer it..either way change is gonna happen!

Change is neither good nor bad..it simply is - Don Draper, Mad Men

Songs that will be played all day (in my head at least)

So this isn't a long weekend or anything, but today might just be the day I get crowned as The Score's King of Hot Wings at their Chili Rush Challenge in Jaya One, PJ.

It seems that this will either kill or soil you

Don't come..watch Hindustan on TV3's Panggung Sabtu!


Anyhoo, back to why I'm writing this.. Here's the today's list of songs you SHOULD listen to...on repeat! Why? Because fuck you, that's why..

No, I'm not offering any justification on why you should listen, just layan!



Metalingus - Alter Bridge





Santa Monica - Everclear






Say it isn't so - Gareth Gates Weezer






Rise of the Fenix - Tenacious D






Even Flow - Pearl Jam





See you!