The Official Chick Code...Part 2

The Chick Code

Article 31:
When on the prowl, a Chick hits the most decent seeming guy first in hopes of catching a good one.

Article 32:
A Chick must get married before she's forty.

Article 33:
When in a public restroom, a Chick (1) does not look in between the crack in stall doors, even by accident; (2) waits until the restroom is completely empty before streaking to the next stall when you find that the stall you chose has no toilet paper rather than asking anyone if they could pass her any (this also applies for when she needs to sprint to the tampon dispenser thingy); (3) taps foot impatiently and huffs a bit when there is a wait; (4) always uses soap.

Article 34:
Chicks never reveal where they get their toys especially when involved in lesbian intercourse or a tricycle.

Article 35:
A Chick never rents or buys porn.

Article 36:
When the situation arises where a Chick spies another Chick with fake breasts while with her boyfriend, then he comments on it, a Chick always has the right to read between the lines at the bf's reaction comment (aka catching him staring at her breasts--but at least give him a few brownie points if he decries the silicon masses).

Article 37:
A Chick always reserves the right to get miffed if her male companion does not exhibit gentlemanly conduct (i.e. not opening the door for her, not pulling out her chair for her to sit down, not offering to pay, etc.)

Article 38:
Even in a fight to the death, a Chick never assaults, or attempts to assault, another Chick's breasts, bum, or "No-No Square". Scratching (this includes eye-gauging) is also not acceptable, on account of the usually long and sometimes sharp nails of our gender. Hair pulling, unfortunately, is both acceptable and encouraged.

Article 39:
When a Chick exchanges numbers with a guy, she is allowed to contact him twice before she must honor the weird "wait three days" thing guys do.

Article 40:
Should a Chick get the chance to be engaged to be married, her Side-Chicks are obligated to help the betrothed out in any way the bride-to-be deems possible. And they shall also throw her a kick ass bachelorette party as one last fling.

Article 41:
A Chick is always allowed to cry (and if she can cry on cue, all the better).

Article 42:
Upon greeting another Chick, a Chick may engage in a hug, cheek kiss(es), high five, hand shake, fist bump, Bro hug, jumping up and down, booty bump, or light ass smack, but never a kiss on the lips nor grope/caress in any way. Exception: lesbians.

Article 43:
A Chick loves her country, especially if it's in Europe.

Article 44:
A Chick may never take off or move around her swim bottoms while applying sunscreen, though untying the back of her top is acceptable.

Article 45:
A Chick does not go to a strip club as a general rule, though it is not completely prohibited.

Article 46:
If a Chick is seated next to a Chick who's stuck in the middle seat on an airplane, she shall yield her all their shared armrests, unless the girl has (a) been talking absolutely nonstop; (b) is snoring; (c) makes the Chick get up more than once to use the lavatory; or (d) is really fat.

Article 47:
A Chick loves pink, regardless to whether or not she really does live pink.

Article 48:
A Chick always, when the opportunity arises, participates in a drinking game (i.e. "I Never"/"Never Have I Ever", etc.) or risky party game (i.e. Truth or Dare, Seven Minutes in Heaven, Would You Rather, Spin the Bottle, etc).

Article 49:
When asked, "Do you need some help?" by a super hot guy, a Chick always replies yes, whether or not she's really got it.

Article 50:
If a Chick should accidentally boob or butt brush another Chick both shall continue on like nothing had happened. If a Chick should boob or butt brush a guy on accident she shall act like nothing happened and try not to blush.

Article 51:
A Chick checks out another Chick's blind date and reports back, though the Chick going on the blind date is obligated to still go on the date and give the guy a chance even if the report is bad.

Article 52:
A Chick is required to remember her Side-Chick's birthdays and anniversaries, and children's birthdays and anniversaries.

Article 53:
Even in a drought, a Chick always washes her hands after every potty break, and washes her face every morning and night.

Article 54:
A Chick is required to go out with her mother on Mother's Day, and her Side-Chicks on Halloween, New Year's Eve, Boxing Day, Black Friday, and Desperation Day (February 13th).

Article 55:
A Chick is always allowed to borrow clothes from another Chick, unless said clothes are unwashed, frumpy, obsolete, ugly, and/or gross.

Article 56:
A Chick is required to alert another Chick if the Guy/Chick Ratio at a party falls below 1:1. However, so not to create a Chicklandia, a Chick may only alert three Side-Chicks. Chicklandia is when there is little to no men, while a Sausage Zone is when there is little to no women. The perfect range is around "for every girl there is three guys".

Article 57:
A Chick always reveals the score of a sporting event to a guy, if she can remember it.

Article 58:
A Chick always shaves, or waxes, her legs, armpits, eyebrows if they need to be, and "down there" (if the need be, then other places may be shaved/waxed as well). Exception: butch lesbians, girls too uncomfortable or sensitive, or girls who are making a statement by not doing it.

She didn't get the memo

Article 59:
A Chick always brings a jailed Chick the necessities ("necessities" may vary in definition for each individual, so be sure to know what the jailed Chick would appreciate).

Article 60:
A Chick will always be respectful to others' parents, even if they're driving her insane.

Article 61:
A Chick will always alert the significant other of her Side-Chick's life to an upcoming anniversary, birthday, or other important events. This is to protect the feelings of her Side-Chick, because you know that the significant other she's alerted had forgotten.

Article 62:
In the event that two Chicks lock on to the same target, they may be somewhat petty towards the opposing chick and somewhat slutty to the target. It is important that the target be aware that there is competition for his affection, but not find out just how vicious and important the situation is. Should it happen that the target choose neither Chick, they reserve the right to blame each other and call each other bad names under their breath.

Article 63:
A Chick will be completely supportive of all decisions of her Side-Chick in the event of pregnancy. This includes the touchy subject of abortion, but even then a Chick must respect any and all decisions made by the preggo Chick.

Article 64:
In the case of a road trip, the Chick that suggested the road trip must pay for the food and a fraction of all other expenses. Bad things, like car sickness or post-Taco Bell potty breaks, and it will be blamed on the Chick who suggested the road trip. Therefor, she must pay more.

Article 65:
A Chick can order any type of alcoholic drink she wants. Because, unlike men, we can have both fruity drinks with umbrellas and cheap beer.

Article 66:
A Chick shall always participate in karaoke when the even arises, and, if she can't carry a tune, reserves the right to pretend to be drunk or get drunk.

Article 67:
Should you know for a fact that your Side-Chick's significant other is cheating on her, then she MUST tell her Side-Chick, even though it'll hurt her. Getting evidence first also helps.

Article 68:
A Chick must NEVER EVER EVER get her vagina pierced.

Article 69:
Duh.

Article 70:
A Chick will drive another Chick to the airport and, if she's available, also pick her up--both of which on time and/or early. She is expected to inquire how her trip was and her general well-being, and at least offer to help her with her luggage.

Part 1 here
Part 3 cumming soon

Christmas.....Chinese Style

So, seeing as how Chinese New Year is upon us, I guess for a procrastinator, wishing you right now seems right on time.

Anyhoo, leading up to Chinese New Year, one thing that went UNNOTICED happened a week before Chinese New Year, the day was CHRISTMAS!

Think about it:

Christmas is a week before New Year's. Therefore, CHINESE CHRISTMAS is a week before CHINESE New Year and this year Chinese Christmas fell on January 27, 2010

What is CHINESE Christmas?


No, it isn't when CHINESE Jesus was born. That'll just be too convenient..It's about the return of the Three Kings to the Orient Land and it was about this time that they told the people of China about Jesus..makes perfect sense!

" We Three Kings of Orient are,

Bearing gifts, we've travel afar..."

Then later after Coca Cola 'created' Santa Claus, Chinese Christmas was when the kids in China get their presents (of course by request from the government, who made sure all the gifts were the same)

Chinese Christmas in China. (from left, Chinese Santa, Rabbit for Chinese New Year, mannequin) 

Here in BolehLand, Chinese Christmas isn't celebrated because we already have a lot of public holidays, but in true spirit, Jaquah, Khris and I went to some dodgy shopping complex in Subang, which we mistook for the new and 'classy' Empire Gallery.

Right there and then, I saw this mannequin dressed up as the Deity of Prosperity smack in the middle of the entrance of the mall, which by the way had only 7 non-staff people there and the staff or people working in the shops looked very Twilight Zone-ish...but back to the mannequin, I SWEAR they dressed up a female mannequin up.

Look at her..

At that point, I remembered all my Chinese Feng Tou friends of mine and somehow I guessed either Groove Coverage knew the ULTIMATE SECRET or one of the Feng Tou fellas were working in the mall because their favourite song is:

So, Merry Chinese Christmas and a Happy Chinese New Year

The Official Chick Code...Part 1

After accepting the challenge by Khristabelle of posting the COMPLETE Chick Code..I, Darian Henry, the ALMIGHTY and ever Just read la:

The Chick Code

Article 1:

Chicks before dicks. The bond between two women is more stronger than the bond between a man and a woman because, on average, women are more willing and able to commit than men. 

Article 2:

A Chick is always entitled to do something wild, as long as the rest of her Side-Chicks* are all doing it. For example: partaking in "WOOO!!!"-ing. The license to be wild is why we have Side-Chicks in the first place.

Article 3:

A Chick never divulges the existence of the Chick Code to a man. It is a sacred document not to be shared with guys for any reason...no, not ever that reason. Note: if you a man reading this, first, let me apologize: it was never my intention for this book to contain this much math. Second, I urge you to look at this document for what it is--a piece of fiction meant to entertain a broad audience through the prism of stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really is like we're from different planets! -Too late! 

Article 4:Whether she cares about shopping/shoes/clothes/makeup/etc or not, a Chick cares about [the aforementioned].

Article 5:A Chick shall not stare inappropriately if she and other Chicks must get naked in front of one another in a locker room. You may gossip, joke around, and many other fun activities but never should you stare at another Chick's breasts, "No-No Square", and/or bum.

Article 6:A Chick never admits that she's PMSing to a guy, not even when she is PMSing.

Article 7: 

A Chick always sends greeting cards (even if she doesn't really want to). While some Chicks may not enjoy sending greeting cards, the respectable thing to do is to send one, whether it be a "Thank You" Note, a "Get Well Soon" Card, a Birthday Card, a "Congratulations" Card, a Holiday Card, or a "Thinking of You" Note.

Article 8:Should a Chick be critically injured, her Side-Chicks are to never make jokes about it, unless the hurt Chick does first.

Article 9:A Chick will drop whatever she's doing and rush to help her Side-Chick when and if she gets dumped. Things required to ensure maximum comfort for your dumped Side-Chick: a shoulder to cry on, arms to hug, things to break, tissues, chocolate, alcohol, chick flicks, angry chick music, popcorn, mani/pedi kit, facial kit, and words aimed to describe what a douche what's-his-face was.

Article 10:A Chick always asks for a guy's help when moving. For more effective results (aka getting a reluctant guy friend to move your massive couch and queen sized bed) butter him up about how strong and able and manly he is. For even more effective results, it is acceptable to slut it up a little or "involuntarily" show off your assets while buttering up. Pouting and begging in a sexual manner are also acceptable in this situation.

Article 11:On dinner dates, do not eat like a pig. But do not be peckish either. And when dessert rolls around, and you're hoping for an "active" night, nonchalantly licking icing, whipped cream off your finger(s), or the underside of your utensil works most effectively.

Article 12:A Chick must always help her fellow Chicks stay away from known or rumored creepers.

Article 13:A Chick shall always help a Side-Chick get a guy. Should your Side-Chick be pursuing a taken guy (in a relationship, engaged, or married) you are not obligated to help her win him.

Article 14:If a guy should inquire about another Chick's sexual history, a Chick shall lie and say that she doesn't know so that the Chick questioned about looks not like a whore nor a prude. Exception: should a guy inquire about another Chick's sexual history with women, a Chick shall indignantly say that the Chick questioned about has never done anything with in a sexual nature with a woman or women, regardless of whether or not she has ("I don't know" is also acceptable but not suggested). Exception to Exception: The Chick questioned about had previously told you of their sexual interactions with women and it was not a secret.

Article 15:A Chick never dances stupidly nor too slutty. Exception: when a Chick is drunk or under the pretense of being drunk.

Article 16:A Chick should be able, at any time, to recite the following: winner of American Idol and Project Runway; who's on the cover of Vanity Fair and Vogue; the the new hottest couple is; who the top celebrity couples are; what the latest celebrity scandals are.

Article 17:

A Chick shall be kind and courteous to her co-workers, unless they are beneath her on the Pyramid of Screaming, i.e. C-workers who are total jerk wads, completely incompetent, and/or inappropriate (You know what kind of inappropriate).

Article 18:A Chick shall not sleep with another Chick's brother (unless genuinely deemed okay with the Chick who has the brother). However, a Chick shall not let it bother her in any way if another Chick says, "OMG you're brother is, like, so hott!" And should a Chick's brother be interested in the Chick's friend, it is not acceptable for them to get together unless genuinely deemed okay by the Chick with the brother.

Article 19:A Chick respects Chicks in the military because they've selflessly chosen to defend the nation, but more the point, because they can totally kick your ass when you comment on how camouflage print doesn't look good on them or their tragic haircut.

Article 20:
A Chick may share her observations about another Chick's smoking-hot boyfriend, but in no way must she say anything further to ensure that the Chick with with hot bf doesn't think that the observing Chick will attempt to steal the bf in any way, shape, or form.

Article 21:
Homosexual men are completely acceptable as Side-Chicks. Sometimes even better. For example, less of your Gucci's will "go missing". Unless your homosexual guy-friend cross-dresses, which is also completely acceptable.

Article 22:
There is no law that prohibits a straight man from being a Side-Chick or "one of the girls". He can make a wonderful wingman or, if all else fails, a backup boyfriend/hubby.

Article 23:
A Chick shall not sleep with another Chick's ex, unless the Chick whose ex it is does.

Article 24:
If two Chicks get into a fight, they shall make catty remarks and pretend to ignore each other, rather than stripping down and wrestling it out. See Article 38(see how cleverly I get you to look out for the next one) for a description of the rules should the strip-n-wrestle situation occur.

Article 25:
If two Chicks are wearing the same outfit, each retains the right to "accidentally" spill a drink on the other.

Article 26:
A Chick doesn't let another Chick get a"tramp stamp".

Article 27:
A Chick never removes her clothing in public, unless at a pool, beach, or (sometimes) a concert.

Article 28:
A Chick will, in a timely manner, alert her Side-Chicks to the existence of a sale/clearance.

Article 29:
If two chicks decide to catch a movie together, they shall split a tub of popcorn to save money. However, they are not to share a drink because that would just be awkward.

Article 30:
A Chick comparison shops.

Part 2 Cumming Soon

In light of the seriousness of the matter, I have decided NOT to put any pictures

Not the BRO code

I've got no stories yet and I have finally gotten the complete BRO CODE..but this is NOT it..

The (now UNOFFICIAL) Chick Code

1) A chick shall not sleep with another chick’s ex-boyfriend unless the other chic does so first.

2) A chick never pays for anything. Ever!!

3) A chick shall never support another chick, whatever the reason maybe!!

4) If a chick asks another chick to keep a secret, then… Are you kidding!! In the entire history of humankind, chicks have never been able to keep a secret!! Ever!!

5) The favorite color of all chicks shall always be pink. And none other than pink.

6) If two chicks get into a fight, they shall make catty remarks and pretend to ignore each other rather than simply stripping down and wrestling it out.

7) If a chick hears a chick empowerment song like “I Will Survive”, she shall stop whatever she is doing, grab another chick’s hand and shriek the lyrics at the top of her lungs.

8) If the TV is showing the movie “My Best Friend’s Wedding” or “Sex in the City”, the chick has to leave whatever she is doing and watch the movie till the very end. No matter how many times she has seen it. 

 Corollary: A chick will quickly find some work in the kitchen or somewhere else if her boyfriend is watching the movie “Die Hard” or “300”.

9) A chick may get a dog as a pet but only if it fits in her mailbox.

10) If two chicks are wearing a same outfit, each retains the right to accidentally spill a drink on the other.

11) A chick shall not operate a motor vehicle in a safe manner. 

 Corollary: If a chick does operate a motor vehicle, she will at least hit someone.

 

A chic driving My chic driving

12) A chick shall never use the side mirror for applying lipstick while driving the car. It is extremely dangerous since it messes up the hair!!

13) A chick has a free pass to slut it up on Halloween.

 

14) A chick shall always say “Oww.. Sooo cute!!” at the sight of a baby or a kitten or a puppy or a man with a cute baby or a man with a cute puppy.

15) A chick shall never leave the house without putting on make-up first, even if the house is on fire. 

Corollary: A chick shall never go to sleep without putting on make-up first. 

Corollary: If a chick is on a date, she shall find some excuse to use the restroom at least three times in order to check the make-up.

16) A chick shall always demonstrate an absolute lack of common sense. Especially, if she is really hot!!

 

Bro Code cumming soon

Nice Hands

Well..again as I was NOT searching porn on the net, I was asked to go to this blog by Khristabelle (free publicity). It was very interesting to see some pictures there. I tried so hard not to fall in love...

Anyhoo, here's a link to Crystal's blog and I must say this might be a reason why Mr Keris Swinging has backed down. I'm sorry this is no rant about something political. It's just something i found damn interesting. It's a long shot but I bet you can build theories.. *hint *hint

Told you she has nice hands.

How?

Little did she know, moments before the fight, he was trying to move into his new house today. While munching on two cookies he was pestering Bitch Boy to get the keys. It was on his fifth trip to the car where he loaded about thirty-five kilograms of stuff as he received her call.

In his mind, he was calculating if he could finish moving today as the weather has already turned gloomy. He thought he made a SMRT! move by not worrying her. Hence, he did not mention anything about the plan to move.

He wanted to finish moving today n follow her tomorrow but at the same time did not want to get her hopes up by prematurely agreeing to follow only to cancel later on. All he wanted to know was what exactly will she and her friends will be doing.

She cut him off. He got annoyed. Now, he is sitting and waiting for her to call even though she already swore not talking to him anytime soon. He now waits. He loves her...

The Last Line

The smell of nicotine and alcohol combined together in an air-conditioned room floats me back to my childhood. Stings of yesteryears eat through my head as I stood there. Images as vivid as photographs came creeping in and I know that I must be looking like a mentally challenged jackass, smiling and looking blankly into the lighted signboard of the washrooms.

As a child I practically grew up in a pub owned by my uncles. They are the best Country & Western band in the country and they played, if memory serves me right, every night in their pub. Everyone looked forward to go to the pub every night which meant lesser playing hours for my cousins and I in the day because we’ll party all night. Well, everything had it's price.

Soon, you will notice my indulgences in my own monologues are often disturbed by someone or something. In this case, Ramon pulled me out of my daze warning me on the time left before we were supposed 2 go up. I sensed his eagerness. He had gone through a shit load of practice to come this far...we all did. Although it was supposed to be a surprise, but by her showing up at the mamak with almost a bus load of friends (one in particular had an ass till next Tuesday), I was happy she came.

About Her

The Subuh prayers hits the quiet night breaking the silence slowly. This is the type of feeling that would just creep in and suddenly blindsides you, changing the whole ambiance suddenly into a depiction of divine serenity. I guess it works everywhere from the chanting of the monks to the opening prayers of an old priest, solemn and yet embracing.

Anyways, the azan signals my night is up and I wasted most of it on stupid “what if” innuendos about our relationship. I must admit that whichever way I look at it I have only myself to blame. I knew that falling for her would be a humongous mistake…catastrophic to me.

Well, I got my head stuck so deep, now I’m eating out of her hand. Like how a taxidermist lures a squirrel to come to him right before he knocks it out cold. The best part is the squirrel won’t know when it gets knocked out.

I have good friends who told me to just wing it and take my chances with her but; I also had better friends saying I shouldn’t get involved however, hats off to my best friends who just refused to get involved my twisted little romance.

What do they know? I bet none of them ever felt this way. I bet none of them can comprehend the feeling I had when from under the spotlight, smack in the middle of the stage, I saw her sitting in the corner of the room, moments before my drummer kicked up a monster beat from Led Zeppelin.

They wouldn’t know what it was like singing their hearts out for that one particular person. How with every love song or when my band does it we like to call them rock ballads, in your heart you are just screaming, “This one’s for you, baby”, or how there’s no more tiredness when you go off stage just to see her smiling at you with beautiful eyes gleaming in pride and awe.

Need a woman gonna hold my hand
Won't tell me no lies, make me a happy man

Black Dog, 1971