Bersih: Just in case you wanna go for another one (Post 3/3)

This Bersih rally being my first public rally and all, I have been enlightened to a different level and have experienced stuff that I never before imagined.

I think I am a chaos-addict...seeking excitement in chaotic situations but getting back to the topic at hand, I want to share some things that will and wont work during a rally, IF you decide to see and evaluate first hand and not comment on Facebook a few days later or if you just wanna get gassed and run around..

Let's face it, with Anwar (there is proof that you, sir, motioned to the other bloke to rile up the crowd) at the mix, the rally was always going to tear gas and water cannons anyway.  

The DO's and DON'Ts at a public riot rally

DO...

...observe personal hygiene

Throughout the rally I had some quiet demonstrators, and more overzealous ones...you know, the ones where they have arms out, punching the air, screaming their believes marching next to me..boy was I fucked! 

I'm not the neatest person in the world, ask anyone, but I made sure I had a good shit, shower and shave (just in case I get caught and the cops want me to do nekkid push-ups or Nurul Izzah falls for me), brushed my teeth, used mouthwash, deodorant, my Paco Rabane perfume (just in case lah, dammit!) and headed to Central Market.

Somehow, a lot of people don't get that. Cipet there was one point, I nearly died from underarm smells and nearly died again as I looked to my left, only to be met with the stinging breath smelling like shit from a zombie monkey being flung my way..ughh!

Deodorise, people! The brands nowadays guarantee 24-hour protection, and if you have inherited smelly genes then bring lah one cannister/tube/bottle...what's the use of carrying a bloody huge backpack if you can't fit it in!

...dress the part

Firstly, comfort and practicality is a priority! T shirt, jeans or shorts and shoes will be awesome enough... go easy on the make-up, hair and nail extensions, you are here to rock a cause, not the runway.

NO LEATHER JACKETS! I've seen a douchebag wearing a leather jacket with studs and spikes while we were retreating from them gasses. Why, God? Why? It was already so hot...and the gas and the water...

Brother, if you are reading this, at Bersih 4.0 or if Ultras Malaya decide to hold a rally to get the President of FAM to resign, wear a fucking raincoat/military suit!

If you believe and identify in the cause, show your support. Wear whatever they are wearing, be it a yellow or green top, a red one (last year, to protest the yellow fellas), or even a mask.

Just a reminder, swimming goggles and bandana's don't work against the gas! The sweat will seep in beneath the rubber and the lenses will fog up, leaving you no choice but to remove the goggles. Trust me, I lost my goggles and bandana in the retreat.

Remember to keep it light. There will be a lot of running and marching.

Slippers can be very dangerous. One misstep at the back of a slipper is all you need to either cause a stampede or being a floor mat. I must say this - Malaysians were very careful not to let people stay on the ground for long that day.

DON'T...

...obstruct the traffic/retreat flow

While the people at the front of the rally became the lasts one in line when the retreat began, there were plenty more people coming and heading full force towards Dataran Merdeka. 

As the people are screaming to turn back and retreat a little so we can have some breathing room, you would think the oncoming ones will at least give room...but NO, not till they saw the trucks; and by this time cannister after cannister have been shot.

Yeah, you are zealous warriors...but get the fuck out of the way! Although I loved the rush, the pain was real too! 

You back-seat generals gotta move backwards and not urging us to move on..give us room and go get your share of abuse...there were kids retreating too...which brings me to the next point!

...bring your kids to a rally!

My rule of probability has only two outcomes: 50-50. Example: What are my chances of winning the lottery? 50% = you will win; 50% you will not. 

At my day job, I get asked by parents every time: So, what are the chances of my son/daughter/son-that-will-soon-be-daughterish-and-have-videos-lip-syncing-to-Malay-rock-songs-in-hotels-in-KL passing his exams?


Fifty-fucking-percent..either he passes or fails.. See now if he asked What are the chances in passing and getting an A+? I'd be forced to see how many passing grades there and have 50 divided the number of grades from a C- (or D) to an A+. 


Geddit? No? Watch this:

Ladies and gentlemen, the Serdang Angels!

Anyhoo, the point here is..There's a 50% probability that the rally was gonna turn hostile..and it did! Which leaves me questioning:

What the fuck made you bring your 2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/teenage kid (choose, I saw them all that day) to Masjid James Jamek? 

Your kid is too young to understand what's going on. Values need to be instilled, yes, but come the time, they will be living in a different world, different politicians, different problems...why ruin the innocence and unbiased views of a child now?


Your kid isn't your fucking shield!
You are gonna get gassed! So beat it! Don't subject your child to gasses and the water. God knows what kind of drugs they put in those things...we overfed, overgrown adults can't take it, why subject your child to harms like this?


Based on that two things, Malaysia should have a rule towards pro-creation! If you have done either one or both of those things, get a vasectomy/tubectomy..please!!!


Rule of thumb: If you still buy the toothpaste he uses each morning, don't let him go anywhere near the rally!

Good night!

Bersih 3.0: From my eyes only (Post 1/3)

Here is first-hand experience from what I saw, heard, tasted, touched and smelt at Bersih 3.0… in no way am I accusing you of lying or will accept any accusations if my post does not serve your ideal political purpose.

1100h; Seri Kembangan

Still at home, I contemplated on whether I should go for the rally or stay home since I don’t really like the approach of the rally as I’ve felt that the cause is good but the rally is somewhat tainted.

At the same time, I was actively texting and reading on Twitter about on-site updates.

I decided to put on a purple T-shirt just to say I’m not an active protester and if cameras were to catch a group photo, I’d be able to stand out.

The guy in purple here is not me, of course :)

1230h; Kelana Jaya LRT Station

Arrived at KJ Station; the drive was pleasant. No roadblocks or traffic but I am coming from one corner of the world.

Surrounding the station, the amount of cars parked everywhere were massive. I had to park near a nearby college while another friend, Sandesh, parked at the church.

Tonnes of people were in yellow and every other colour. No harm or ruckus but they see you holding a bottle of water and have a scarf in the other hand, they give you that slight nod, either they’ve identified another supporter or I was supposed to know the master plan or something.

1320h; Pasar Seni

We got down and things were still calm. There were people praying in a group. Some joined in, others walked on.

Praying in a group at Pasar Seni LRT Station

Then, further down, A. Samad Said was praying with a fellow telling people that they can join in or not disturb.

A. Samad Said

At the entrance of Central Market, the rally was gaining in numbers. The Unit Amal were omnipresent to help out.

Before long, the Unit Amal guys started forming a human shield and made everyone march behind them. We found ourselves in between Ambiga and a yellow zeppelin. They had a green anti-Lynas one.

They had shit for hailers, but I’m pretty sure Ambiga said something like to march as far as we can then we sit.

1345h; Moving from Central Market

Firstly, I am shit in KL roads. So, on we marched. I was still at the front of the parade. Some say we moved in a roundabout way. I only recognised a Reggae Hotel and we turned left towards Jalan Tun Razak (I think).

With fire in their bellies, hope in their hearts and conviction in their words

Many people applauded and cheered from the streets and the marching voices grew louder with chants that were consistent to the cause. Then, it all changed.

Chants started to sound rather weird: BN Hancur, Kami tak nak pembunuh, Najib sial, UMNO hancur, Reformasi, etc were going on loud and strong.

I wasn’t too happy with this. I might be a little stupid and not able to comprehend well but, wasn’t this rally apolitical? Wasn’t this about clean and fair elections?

1425h; Standstill at Masjid Jamek

At about this time, the march came to a halt.

The leading vehicle was stationed at the entrance to Dataran Merdeka while I was at the Burger King near the Masjid Jamek LRT Station.

Orders to start a sitting protest worked well for about 30 seconds till the Unit Amal came barging in, escorting Anwar Ibrahim, Lim Kit Siang and a few others to the front.

Duduk Bantah

People had to stand to make way and there was a lot of pushing and shoving around. I realised that this was my chance to move forward.

I locked my arms in between two Unit Amal personnel and pushed my free ticket to the front. When asked: Are you in Unit Amal? I replied: Does that matter? I thought we are brothers…

I got within a few meters from the pick-up.

Anwar announcing the success of Bersih 3.0

However, their arrival caused chaos and a heightened sense of demonstrating, despite the heat. Ambiga and Anwar spoke citing the rally a success and thanked the 250,000 people who came out, before announcing the end of the rally and asked everyone to go home.

1455h; Moving towards razor wires

Shortly after thanking the crowd for coming and asking them to go home; the pick-up started moving towards Dataran Merdeka.

Ambiga urging everyone to go home

Mixed messages? Reversed psychology?

The crowd started moving vigorously as the cheers grew louder, the chants grew weirder and I got stuck near the Bar Council.

I can’t disclose how I got there but I did, I was again about 5 meters from Ambiga, Anwar, Kit Siang, Izzah (she is pretty) and so on.

At about this time, tensions were rising with one group singing Negaraku while more were chanting: Dataran! Dataran! and Buka! Buka!

The police personnel were standing firm and quietly behind the road barricades, behind the razor wires. They were generally unarmed – no shields, no helmets, no batons, no guns!

Razor wires after being flattened

Behind them, however, there were about four trucks and more Federal Reserve Unit cops on standby. They moved into formation but were in no way showing signs of being aggressors, at that point.

15XXh; Hell breaking loose

I was paying attention to the chants from a person on the pick-up. 


I’m not sure what he said things were just getting restless.


I turn to see the unarmed cops running for their lives! They were chased by some 100 people who have crossed the razor wires!

The aggressors this time were the demonstrators whom have breached the razor fences. I too crossed to get a closer look.

The protestors kept hurling all sorts of stuff at the police, bottles, road barricades and traffic cones were among the favourites!

Water cannons against road signs and stuff

The FRU started moving forward followed by the trucks that began spraying water. I tried to stand my ground until I hear this weird boom and I see a grenade-like object heading my way.

Tear gas!

The gassing has begun

I fucking ran from the place.

There was a bottleneck at the razor wires. I put on my swimming goggles and covered my mouth and nose with a bandana. I saw a guy falling down onto the razor wires and people tried to help, some were pushed. I got a few cuts on my legs.

The gas crept in slowly.

The back of my neck felt it first. The smoke was too thick to see. I hear people shouting: Pegang baju gua… Lari! Lari!

By this time, my nose and throat started to burn as well as any part of my body that was uncovered! My eyes hurt as hell!

People were running and offering salt and water all around.

Before I could recover, another wave of tear gas struck; this time from high up. I couldn't tell if it came from the railway lines or from the top of the buildings. 


They waited for the wind. Sneaky bastards!


Some people rushed into the Bar Council; others ran; even non-participating people bailed. No one stood still!

This repeated itself for quite some time.

15XXh, Hope for humanity?

As I’ve stated earlier, I’ll call it as I see it and by no means does this mean whatever you have experienced and saw is less important or true.

Retreating from the razor wires to somewhere much safer was a little hard to do as a lot of people still refused to move back quickly.

People were rubbing salt on each other and themselves while finding water to drink. A 500ml bottle was shared with 8 people.

By the time I got to the Reggae Hotel, things seemed to ease up a little. I sat on the floor and people came to my aid, offering all kinds of remedies. One Malaysian Chinese gave me tissues and another Malaysian Malay offered me her towel to wipe my face.

They were unharmed.

A man pulled up with two bags of ice to help manage the burns.

A friend indeed

Suddenly, that weird sound went off again and canisters were launched our way. I didn’t understand. It was a relatively long way from Dataran Merdeka and everyone there we only seeking refuge.

The cops with their tear gasses and water cannons made sure that the only retreat was to head towards Plaza Rakyat and Menara Maybank.

Just before the cops bombarded the side streets

I rested and took a long ride home!

When I followed the Yellow Brick Road..from Central Market

In light of Bersih 3.0, I will post be posting in threes (four if you count this one…but don’t la…this is an introductory post…cipet!)

I will post on my experience there, then attempt to analyse the situation then, my usual stuff.

I must state my stance here.

I think the fight on principle is awesome. The MO, however, remains questionable.

I went as an observer. I went to see. I went to experience.

In my style, don't expect all three posts to come at once.. heheh

Just as the march started at Central Market

Five Ways to become a HARIMAU

Seeing that it is about 26 hours till kick-off at the National Stadium between bitter rivals Malaysia and Singapore for a ticket to the World Cup Qualifiers, I've decided to let you in on a few ways to get you in the mood.

How to prepare for a Harimau Malaya (Malayan Tigers) game?


1. Secure Entry


Make sure that if you aren't as Lucky as Ramon and Mario, you get your tickets early! Don't go around like a fucking hooker on crack trying to ask everyone, anyone and anywhere..including Twitter for tickets the moment the word is mentioned.

So, I bought tickets for 9pm..

Dei, the match is at 8.30pm! You better go early..and you got how many tickets, hor? Got extra ke?

The tickets...Captain America la!

Memang Douchebag la lu, bro!




2. Energize


Remember that games kicking off at 8.45pm can end at midnight. So, make sure you have enough water, food, rest, etc to sustain your energy levels.


Frankly speaking, cheering is almost as tiring as playing the damn sport because when we cheer, often or not our levels will peak in direct retaliation to what's happening on the field - be it a wrong offside call, a Jewish lad kicking the ball..or even dismal performances by our own lads. Therefore, the more often things happen, the more you peak in excitement and you get tired..




3. Seat Right


Generally, there are a few sections when it comes to seating at a stadium.


VIP Boxes
Here's where politicians and big names watch the games. It's believed that within the tinted glasses is a room where you can indulge to your heart's desire.


There even was a rumour that there were strippers, cocaine and midget whores inside a Manchester United - Cardiff or something game.


Grand Stand
This is where rich folks pay more to see the same game from the same distance as the Rakyat Jelata from the other side.


Usually occupied by kids who were bullied in school and think they are cool now.


Home Seats
The whole stadium except the top corner of the stadium and a few more rows


Ultras Malaya
Look out for people at top corners of the stands usually singing and drumming..sometimes dancing and most importantly cheering.


They'll most probably be wearing black tees with yellow scarfs held high









Away Seats
Whatever's left. Possibly 3 rows in some corner with a fucked up view.


For this occasion, look out for an awkward looking group dressed in either red and white (Singapore, not Indonesia) or Blue.






4. Get in the ZONE


To get in the zone, you'd need to prepare your mind and body for the experience. Here's the simplest way to shift to a football fan mindset:

I know the beer is Singaporean but the name is Malaysian but 6 of this, you'll be massive!

If you can't drink, Tiger biscuits also counts!




5. Lose Your Voice


Shout, scream, sing...tell the referee what a cunt he is, taunt the away fans. Go ahead! Don't just sit quietly, you have bloody libraries for that!


Here are a few songs and chants that might help you out tomorrow:


Negaraku


Inilah Barisan Kita

How it is



How it should be sung




Malaysia Chant






So, see you tomorrow in Black and Yellow!

Friday Nite LIVE

Seeing as how Blister will be rockin' it at Backyard this Friday (December 3, 2010) from 9.30pm til LATE

I've decided to pen type a few words to help YOU get accustomed to the ALL NEW Backyard's MOSH PIT!

Speaking on Mosh Pits, I've seen/been in a few 'Major 'Pits' me-self..

*Blast Off, KL, 2004

*MTV World Stage, KL, 2009

*Slash Live in KL, 2010

*The SHOUT! Awards, KL, 2010

The ONE thing all of these have in common is: Malaysians have no MOSH PIT ETIQUETTE!

So here's:

THE RULES OF THE MOSH PIT


The FIRST RULE of FIGHT CLUB the MOSH PIT is: You do not talk about FIGHT CLUB the MOSH PIT (Sorry, I got carried away)

#1 Dress Appropriately
Observe comfortable but ROCK-ish clothing at all times. 

DO NOT mosh over-aggressively with your stupid-assed-metal-clad boots and chains and spikes coming out from all the wrong places. You'll just hurt someone physically not emotionally because they see how retarded you look. 

Spiked hair is still good in my book as long as it doesn't belong to a TOTAL DOUCHE!

On the other hand, if you come to a mosh pit dressed in a suit or some preppy looking kid like Fred from Scobby-Doo or anyone from the Archie series, prepare to get taunted and ridiculed so hard, droplets of shit might fall from your eyes.

Fred Jones

Dressing up like Shaggy however, is acceptable.


#2 NO fists...NO elbows!
Nobody likes a DOUCHE throwing his/her elbows/fists into another person's rib,face, scrotum, etc. If you had a fist or two come your way, you'd probably deserve it from not paying attention to the Pit and texting another DOUCHE: 

OMFG...dis band ttly rox! XD I wish dese morons'd stp jumpin so fucken much..so annoyin! :/

If you really can't take it anymore, just pinch 'em around the inner arm. I guarantee that they will feel the pain..even though he/she has had her eyes tattooed.


#3 NO Phones/Cameras/Cameraphones
Fact: Unless the BAND asked you to record a clip, don't do it.

You are in the (mosh) pit for a reason: fully experience the energy and music thru' bouncing your bodies in a safe yet aggressive manner..

So, don't bother carrying your sweat drenched (arm)pits in the air, trying to record the WHOLE concert and at the same time getting pissed off at the few people who are trying to mosh, hence ruining your shots..because if you are the tool that's doing just that, LET LOOSE BRAH! 

You already are probably stuck in a crappy DAY job..leave the stick in the office man..put it back in your ass tomorrow..LIVE a little. What are you gonna do with the clip anyways? Boast to your equally lame friends that you were there? Put up a video on Youtube?


#4 YES to deodorant
Maths: You + 60 minutes waiting in line + 150 minutes in the Mosh Pit = SMELLY!

Just be kind to all of us..slap on some deodorant, splash a little perfume..C'mon, is that so hard to ask?


#5 Don't be a cheap-thrill..desperate guy..
Don't go round molesting people..it's not cool.
What's even more uncool-er? 
You going around looking to be molested.


Sad to say, but I've seen a few blokes dressed up tranny-like, looking ugly and shit and go around rubbing themselves over other guys. HELLS NO!


My advice to these kinda PERVS: Try crowd-surfing. That way you'll be groped and grabbed all over.

Oh and crowd-surfing starts from front to back..do it the other way and I can guarantee you..YOU WILL BE DROPPED!

 I know my shit!

Anyhoo..this is a CALL to all Rockers and Rollers to come down to Backyard Pub, TRUST ME..the pub has great atmosphere, reasonable prices, and us, Blister - Rockin' the whole damn night.

Need directions? 

Click here

Need orgasms?  

Click here 

Blister

Oh The Internet

Just some random pictures I found through the net

Gets you thinking about rape, huh?

Happy Redneck Burfday!

Smart

I wish!

My hobby

Who in the world would buy this piece of shit?

Try explaining this to me..I mean really..please..