Songs that will be played all day (in my head at least)

So this isn't a long weekend or anything, but today might just be the day I get crowned as The Score's King of Hot Wings at their Chili Rush Challenge in Jaya One, PJ.

It seems that this will either kill or soil you

Don't come..watch Hindustan on TV3's Panggung Sabtu!


Anyhoo, back to why I'm writing this.. Here's the today's list of songs you SHOULD listen to...on repeat! Why? Because fuck you, that's why..

No, I'm not offering any justification on why you should listen, just layan!



Metalingus - Alter Bridge





Santa Monica - Everclear






Say it isn't so - Gareth Gates Weezer






Rise of the Fenix - Tenacious D






Even Flow - Pearl Jam





See you!

Five Ways to become a HARIMAU

Seeing that it is about 26 hours till kick-off at the National Stadium between bitter rivals Malaysia and Singapore for a ticket to the World Cup Qualifiers, I've decided to let you in on a few ways to get you in the mood.

How to prepare for a Harimau Malaya (Malayan Tigers) game?


1. Secure Entry


Make sure that if you aren't as Lucky as Ramon and Mario, you get your tickets early! Don't go around like a fucking hooker on crack trying to ask everyone, anyone and anywhere..including Twitter for tickets the moment the word is mentioned.

So, I bought tickets for 9pm..

Dei, the match is at 8.30pm! You better go early..and you got how many tickets, hor? Got extra ke?

The tickets...Captain America la!

Memang Douchebag la lu, bro!




2. Energize


Remember that games kicking off at 8.45pm can end at midnight. So, make sure you have enough water, food, rest, etc to sustain your energy levels.


Frankly speaking, cheering is almost as tiring as playing the damn sport because when we cheer, often or not our levels will peak in direct retaliation to what's happening on the field - be it a wrong offside call, a Jewish lad kicking the ball..or even dismal performances by our own lads. Therefore, the more often things happen, the more you peak in excitement and you get tired..




3. Seat Right


Generally, there are a few sections when it comes to seating at a stadium.


VIP Boxes
Here's where politicians and big names watch the games. It's believed that within the tinted glasses is a room where you can indulge to your heart's desire.


There even was a rumour that there were strippers, cocaine and midget whores inside a Manchester United - Cardiff or something game.


Grand Stand
This is where rich folks pay more to see the same game from the same distance as the Rakyat Jelata from the other side.


Usually occupied by kids who were bullied in school and think they are cool now.


Home Seats
The whole stadium except the top corner of the stadium and a few more rows


Ultras Malaya
Look out for people at top corners of the stands usually singing and drumming..sometimes dancing and most importantly cheering.


They'll most probably be wearing black tees with yellow scarfs held high









Away Seats
Whatever's left. Possibly 3 rows in some corner with a fucked up view.


For this occasion, look out for an awkward looking group dressed in either red and white (Singapore, not Indonesia) or Blue.






4. Get in the ZONE


To get in the zone, you'd need to prepare your mind and body for the experience. Here's the simplest way to shift to a football fan mindset:

I know the beer is Singaporean but the name is Malaysian but 6 of this, you'll be massive!

If you can't drink, Tiger biscuits also counts!




5. Lose Your Voice


Shout, scream, sing...tell the referee what a cunt he is, taunt the away fans. Go ahead! Don't just sit quietly, you have bloody libraries for that!


Here are a few songs and chants that might help you out tomorrow:


Negaraku


Inilah Barisan Kita

How it is



How it should be sung




Malaysia Chant






So, see you tomorrow in Black and Yellow!

Self Help: How to shave with ONE SHAVER

Remember a few posts back, which seems like forever from today? You know, the one about the benefits of shaving?

Fuck, you do have the memory of a bloody gold fish. This is the post I'm talking about!

Ever since that post, I've been getting loads of questions. I was amazed at the different levels of questions I got. I didn't know whether I should laugh, cry, spit shit out of my nose or just go fuck a mermaid but here are some of the questions which I'll  answer here but do take note that I'm not paid to entertain questions like these and your daddy should be the one teaching you about shaving (Ladies with daddy issues, kindly drop your number).

Q:  Would you recommend a three or four bladed razor?

A:  Why don't you go all out and get a seven-bladed one

 

 

 

Get this perhaps

Q:  How much foam should I apply?

A:  Fuck off!

Q:  How often should I shave?

A:  Depends how long your hair takes to grow, you bloody gorilla!

However, this takes the cake:

I only have one shaver? How do I go about shaving my whole body?

Firstly, how the fuck do you have only ONE SHAVER? Don't you have a 7-11  or a KK Mart nearby or a kitchen knife? Please get another shaver...or two!

If you live on a tree beside a cave in the middle of the jungle and your only way out is to be eagle bait, then let me shed some light on how you should shave yourself.

Rule of thumb is, please trim yourself to have hair/fur at most 3cm. Get scissors or a lawnmower. Now comes the important bit. Essentially, men need to keep all parts well groomed. Therefore equipped with only ONE shaver, please shave in this order:

Face
Chest 

Back (If you have limbs of a spider monkey)

Armpit

Crotch

Always shave till you are happy with the result and never, Never, NEVER go back. You just don't shave your face then move to your balls and say:

Hey, I think that little patch under my lower lip needs no go.. 

Sick!

Procrastinator's Creed!

What do we want?

Procrastination!

When do we want it?

A while more!

Happy New Year!

Resolution: To procrastinate less..starting...March..perhaps

Friday Nite LIVE

Seeing as how Blister will be rockin' it at Backyard this Friday (December 3, 2010) from 9.30pm til LATE

I've decided to pen type a few words to help YOU get accustomed to the ALL NEW Backyard's MOSH PIT!

Speaking on Mosh Pits, I've seen/been in a few 'Major 'Pits' me-self..

*Blast Off, KL, 2004

*MTV World Stage, KL, 2009

*Slash Live in KL, 2010

*The SHOUT! Awards, KL, 2010

The ONE thing all of these have in common is: Malaysians have no MOSH PIT ETIQUETTE!

So here's:

THE RULES OF THE MOSH PIT


The FIRST RULE of FIGHT CLUB the MOSH PIT is: You do not talk about FIGHT CLUB the MOSH PIT (Sorry, I got carried away)

#1 Dress Appropriately
Observe comfortable but ROCK-ish clothing at all times. 

DO NOT mosh over-aggressively with your stupid-assed-metal-clad boots and chains and spikes coming out from all the wrong places. You'll just hurt someone physically not emotionally because they see how retarded you look. 

Spiked hair is still good in my book as long as it doesn't belong to a TOTAL DOUCHE!

On the other hand, if you come to a mosh pit dressed in a suit or some preppy looking kid like Fred from Scobby-Doo or anyone from the Archie series, prepare to get taunted and ridiculed so hard, droplets of shit might fall from your eyes.

Fred Jones

Dressing up like Shaggy however, is acceptable.


#2 NO fists...NO elbows!
Nobody likes a DOUCHE throwing his/her elbows/fists into another person's rib,face, scrotum, etc. If you had a fist or two come your way, you'd probably deserve it from not paying attention to the Pit and texting another DOUCHE: 

OMFG...dis band ttly rox! XD I wish dese morons'd stp jumpin so fucken much..so annoyin! :/

If you really can't take it anymore, just pinch 'em around the inner arm. I guarantee that they will feel the pain..even though he/she has had her eyes tattooed.


#3 NO Phones/Cameras/Cameraphones
Fact: Unless the BAND asked you to record a clip, don't do it.

You are in the (mosh) pit for a reason: fully experience the energy and music thru' bouncing your bodies in a safe yet aggressive manner..

So, don't bother carrying your sweat drenched (arm)pits in the air, trying to record the WHOLE concert and at the same time getting pissed off at the few people who are trying to mosh, hence ruining your shots..because if you are the tool that's doing just that, LET LOOSE BRAH! 

You already are probably stuck in a crappy DAY job..leave the stick in the office man..put it back in your ass tomorrow..LIVE a little. What are you gonna do with the clip anyways? Boast to your equally lame friends that you were there? Put up a video on Youtube?


#4 YES to deodorant
Maths: You + 60 minutes waiting in line + 150 minutes in the Mosh Pit = SMELLY!

Just be kind to all of us..slap on some deodorant, splash a little perfume..C'mon, is that so hard to ask?


#5 Don't be a cheap-thrill..desperate guy..
Don't go round molesting people..it's not cool.
What's even more uncool-er? 
You going around looking to be molested.


Sad to say, but I've seen a few blokes dressed up tranny-like, looking ugly and shit and go around rubbing themselves over other guys. HELLS NO!


My advice to these kinda PERVS: Try crowd-surfing. That way you'll be groped and grabbed all over.

Oh and crowd-surfing starts from front to back..do it the other way and I can guarantee you..YOU WILL BE DROPPED!

 I know my shit!

Anyhoo..this is a CALL to all Rockers and Rollers to come down to Backyard Pub, TRUST ME..the pub has great atmosphere, reasonable prices, and us, Blister - Rockin' the whole damn night.

Need directions? 

Click here

Need orgasms?  

Click here 

Blister

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

This kid's got some skill..
Check out..





California Dreaming





Whiter Shade of Pale





All You Need Is Love

Dear Emma

Dear Emma,

Thank you so much for dropping a line. If you also have a blog please forward me it's link, I'd love to read it and link it to mine. I guess you are doing fine... I'm responding to your comment not on a personal level nor is it meant to hit your fine country, our neighbour, Indonesia. This is just a part of the debate which I'm looking forward to continuing.

Anyhoo,

I do appreciate on the imput on some facts on the Indonesian market. You do realize that the Indonesian population is some 228 million people, which is roughly almost 10 times more then the estimated 27.5 million people. Therefore, I'd like you to analize the ratio of sales to the "market".

Of course everywhere will be talking about the volume of record sales but here, as we are speaking on local support, let us analyze on how many locals are really supporting the industry.
Even with Peter Pan's record of 3 million copies sold in Indonesia, it's actualy about only one in a million who is buying.

Their "rezeki" on being blessed with good looks or brilliant minds and making money out of it was never at question in the first place. Lets say if they had to rely solely on the music, how would they survive? I take back what I said on the reliability of the Indonesian bands on Malaysia to make them rich. My apologies there. I now agree Malaysia on it's own doesn't put food on the plate for the Indonesian bands, I'm not even questioning the Malaysian devotion towards Indonesian bands. I'm only asking my fellow Malaysians to look and love what we have.

Emma,

How would you feel if your local telco (in our case MAXIS) sponsors a stadium, theme park concert for foreign acts? Indonesian acts included...when on the other side we are struggling to get sponsors, permits, running into trouble with the cops, venues(always some hall or club) for our bands-established and upcoming to perform. Amy Search performed in Limkokwing, Butterfingers performing in Ruums soon.

Thanks Fly Fm for having the Campur Chart, but you could have banged the one year anniversary in a stadium or make it feel real Ozzfest, Woodstock like. Maybe next year...i hope!

Thanx Emma...hoping to hear from you soon.




p.s. Emma was kind enough to leave a comment clarifying some facts on my previous post Local Scene Blues

Local Scene Blues

Anyone ever heard of the band Radja? Samson maybe? The one that sings the song Kenangan Terindah? Or maybe you have heard Padi? I'm sure you've heard Dewa 19? Their song, Pupus? Kasidah Cinta? How about the band Peterpan or Sheila on 7?

Damn big names here in Malaysia rite? I mean loads of albums being sold, special concerts and awards all going to them. Give credit where its due right? So far, I have no real problems with the music they SELL (or do they call it play?). I kinda dig some of the tunes. Where are they from?

Well, this is a place to rant, and there will be some..

So...what's the real deal?

Indonesian bands here are very dominant to an extant that it overshadows our local acts. As I said, give credit where it's due, some Indonesian bands are good, but are they really as phenomenal back home in the streets of Jakarta?

The Malaysian general listener will automatically prefer music with Indonesian flavour. People actually prefer Radja and Samson and diss Spoon (not a real big fan of all 3). They play the same kind of music...and Malaysians prefer the one with Indonesian flavour. Well, here's a news flash.. Indonesian Pop/Rock bands' sales back in Indonesia are crap! They rely on us here in Malaysia to make them rich. People here worship the ground they walk on. It's ridiculous...but true.

How can this go on with radios and all blasting support your local scene. Well here's another nail in the back of the head... Have you heard Butterfingers on air? NO!! Our stations dedicate one pathetic chart a week and cramp the same old LOCAL ENGLISH bands in it! Why not let our bands mingle with the big boys of UK or the USA on air? Or are we giving our bands "preferential" treatment? Is there some kind of subliminal message saying our bands are not good enough to be played on our stations for our people to hear and enjoy (or critic..depends which side of the coin you prefer..you narcissistic b*stard..haha)

Speaking of not good enough...if lets say we had one band...local...playing the theme song for a international brand's promo...wouldn't that deserve some airtime which is not at bloody 3:45am when even the guards are asleep! Wouldn't it be cool having a band playing the theme for Nike? Well Seven Collar t-Shirt plays My Generation (not the Limp Bizkit version) and have we heard it on air? I don't think so...!

Outrage..at our local Anugerah Industri Musik, we have a special catergory for best Indonesian artiste. Do our bands get the same reception, honour there? Does the Best Malaysian Artiste Award get any recognition? NO!! Hell, I have reason to belive that our records are discarded over there.

Astro...what have you been doing all these years? Of all who won in reality music contests in Astro, Mawi is the only one seriously making it big...the arguement of whether he can sing or not, I wont discuss here. Is it the company policy to promote the wrong people? Of six Akademi Fantasias and three Blast Offs, I don't see anyone carrying their name without the tag "AF' behind their name besides Vince..You've got Khai AF, Adam AF, what the hell?

On that same note, how is pur local scene going to grow? Until when are our music going to be rated second class compared to Indonesia? Are we supposed to launch our songs outside of Malaysia and make it big outside..then only come back and play it on radio.

We've seen it with Guy Sebastian and Che'nelle. They migrate and make it big and here comes our local radios in line to play their songs. It doesn't matter if the artiste spent one hour here or a week, but as long as the artiste migarates and make it big...here comes the Anak Malaysia tag! BULLSHIT!!

From the way I see it, our musicians can kiss the dream of making it big locally goodbye, until we can make less of a mockery of Akademi Fantasia and promote really talented musicians. Thank God for youtube...

How About Us?

OK..I did some checking up and I found out that about 40% of the Klang Valley working class people who between 25-65 indulge in maybe once a fortnight or more at the local pub. May it be from listening to the Os Pombos in Ol' Skool Bistro on Fridays or the Zarzadias Brothers at Backyard Pub on Thursdays...heck come check us, Blister, out at Backyard Pub every Saturday in May (cheap publicity...haha), one question lingers...what lies for the future of the musicians?

We all got our EPF or government pension or some other pension plan, basically something to sustain us in our later years...the musicians, well they don't have an EPF deduction! These are the same people who go on night after night giving us songs as we sip or gulp our larger. No, I'm not ranting out at the people, nor am I ranting out at the pubs. All I propose is system where musicians are able to taste the long term joys of an EPF payout!

Why aren't musicians eligible?

• They are part-time employees at a certain pub depending on the duration of their contract.
• Pubs rotate the talent from time to time.
• Probably because it'll be too "leceh" to go back and forth to the EPF office for the paperwork.

Utter nonsense! Here's what should be done (credit to Mr Jude Singho):

• Form a body which will contribute directly to the EPF
• The musicians and pubs register themselves with the Body with a small fee(be realistic..nothing is free)
• The Body manages the EPF accounts of the musicians and pubs
• The Body contributes to the EPF every month from the money of the musicians and pubs
• When a band retires from the scene, the Body cmakes a withdrawal

Simple!

The Last Line

The smell of nicotine and alcohol combined together in an air-conditioned room floats me back to my childhood. Stings of yesteryears eat through my head as I stood there. Images as vivid as photographs came creeping in and I know that I must be looking like a mentally challenged jackass, smiling and looking blankly into the lighted signboard of the washrooms.

As a child I practically grew up in a pub owned by my uncles. They are the best Country & Western band in the country and they played, if memory serves me right, every night in their pub. Everyone looked forward to go to the pub every night which meant lesser playing hours for my cousins and I in the day because we’ll party all night. Well, everything had it's price.

Soon, you will notice my indulgences in my own monologues are often disturbed by someone or something. In this case, Ramon pulled me out of my daze warning me on the time left before we were supposed 2 go up. I sensed his eagerness. He had gone through a shit load of practice to come this far...we all did. Although it was supposed to be a surprise, but by her showing up at the mamak with almost a bus load of friends (one in particular had an ass till next Tuesday), I was happy she came.

About Her

The Subuh prayers hits the quiet night breaking the silence slowly. This is the type of feeling that would just creep in and suddenly blindsides you, changing the whole ambiance suddenly into a depiction of divine serenity. I guess it works everywhere from the chanting of the monks to the opening prayers of an old priest, solemn and yet embracing.

Anyways, the azan signals my night is up and I wasted most of it on stupid “what if” innuendos about our relationship. I must admit that whichever way I look at it I have only myself to blame. I knew that falling for her would be a humongous mistake…catastrophic to me.

Well, I got my head stuck so deep, now I’m eating out of her hand. Like how a taxidermist lures a squirrel to come to him right before he knocks it out cold. The best part is the squirrel won’t know when it gets knocked out.

I have good friends who told me to just wing it and take my chances with her but; I also had better friends saying I shouldn’t get involved however, hats off to my best friends who just refused to get involved my twisted little romance.

What do they know? I bet none of them ever felt this way. I bet none of them can comprehend the feeling I had when from under the spotlight, smack in the middle of the stage, I saw her sitting in the corner of the room, moments before my drummer kicked up a monster beat from Led Zeppelin.

They wouldn’t know what it was like singing their hearts out for that one particular person. How with every love song or when my band does it we like to call them rock ballads, in your heart you are just screaming, “This one’s for you, baby”, or how there’s no more tiredness when you go off stage just to see her smiling at you with beautiful eyes gleaming in pride and awe.

Need a woman gonna hold my hand
Won't tell me no lies, make me a happy man

Black Dog, 1971

This Time Around

I felt it even before I awoke. The gloominess arose slowly like the scent of cheap perfume on a woman; disturbing yet unavoidable. I refused to open my eyes. I feel it. I feel the sadness of a thousand deaths and I know I can’t hide in bed all day.

I open my eyes. The depression squeezes me; it smashes my heart as I get out of bed only to see a glimpse of happier times through a picture of us. We looked perfect. It was like a shot taken from a Hollywood movie. I had her in my arms with our faces cheek to cheek. We were just too perfect together. Nothing could ever bring us apart until that night…

My nostalgic trip down memory lane was cut short by a phone call. Mom called. She too sensed my depression. Well, with my attempted suicide a couple of years ago, Mom did not have to guess what kind of mood I woke up to today. Mom insisted I spend the day over at their place. The idea doesn’t sound half bad. A home cooked meal for a change. I assured her I was fine and will be coming after I finish doing my stuff.

As I stood in the bathroom I imagined how the bathroom used to smell. Rosewood, lemon grass and all other fancy scents she used to buy. I wept. I really couldn’t take it. I haven’t even brushed my teeth.

I walked out of the bathroom not even bothering to have the decency to cover myself in a towel. I had to find two of my best companions over these past eight years, Mr Jack Daniels and Mr Johnnie Walker. I have to admit that they have brought me through all my hard times.
I turned on the television and flipped through the channels. I was hoping to watch some kind of lonely man comedy but all I got was talk shows. I hate them. Oprah’s show is such a drag for me to watch with all the mushiness radiating. I took another gulp of scotch and looked to the left. My guitar lay there ever so patiently and still tuned ever so perfectly. I picked it up and strummed E Minor, arguably the saddest chord in the repertoire.

As I hit the chord, grey pearls of my past burst in my mind, transforming my funeral themed room to a sunny day with an old oak tree in the middle, a picnic basket with food so much even gluttons cannot eat. I swear I heard her voice again. It was an angelic voice, which could make hell seem cheerful, even if it was just for one second. The best part about all this was she was there vivid and real, I can smell the white musk perfume that stole my heart.


The nostalgia was shredded by the reminder alarm from my mobile. It’s been ringing fervently this day every year for me to go to the graveyard. I have never done it. Somehow, I blame myself for what happened. The regret I have burns deep inside me till this very second. I have gone to the deepest depths just to see her again. I’ll say that the Spirit of the Coin game doesn’t work, neither does paying some shaman to contact her. I’ve even tried to sell my soul at some crossroads, like the Robert Johnson legend, but the devil never came.