Goal Celebrations and Its Importance

I'm back..again after a 13 month absence for Allah God knows how long this time before I become lazy again and in my escape from blogging I had gone thru many changes.

One of em changes I've noticed is my confidence in playing football or futsal. Now I try to play them at least three times a week and I'm loving it even though I still sustain a few injuries here and there.

Speaking of confidence, I have found my new lease on writing here thanks to a famous editor. Thanks EJL. :)

Back to sports.

I believe that the single most important entity in sports are the celebrations especially in football!

Be it a Cup Final or even a Wednesday evening kick about with friends. A goal has to be celebrated.

Here're a few ways goals are celebrated.

1. Mobbed

This is when you run aimlessly around the field, most probably with and arm or two in the air. Leaving a host of team mates chasing you and a few others coming from the front to hug you or tackle you to the ground.

This usually happens when a defender or someone very unlikely to score, scores.






2. Flips

Please only try these if you are like a fiddle..FIT!

You can show off your tremendous athletic ability by flipping front, side or back. I hate the guy but I've gotta admit that Nani has one of the better flip celebrations to date.

Video? NO!


3. Iconic

Iconic celebrations have become a trademark to a player and do it frequently other people will name the celebration after you.

Take a look at Shearer's or Sturridge's celebrations. They do it so often and consistant that the celebrations have been named after them. Also take a look at Roger Milla's dancing at the corner flag routine

Copying is fine but you'd most probably want to have a move of your own.


4. Team celebrations

Here's when after the final instructions of the coach during training that a few of you lads should stay back and work on a few routines.

They can be as simple as putting your shirt at the corner-flag and you and your team mates dance around it ala Bouba Diop at France 1998. You might risk a yellow card for this though.





Or..

...as intricate, well-choreographed and entertaining as this team from Iceland. Stjarnan FC. My personal favourite celebrations.

Check it:





So, you'd probably wonder why I took so much time showing types goal celebrations.

Here's why:

Top 3 Reasons to Celebrate a Goal

3. Appreciation of fine craftsmanship

Although a goal in theory, is as easy as taking a piss on your nasty neighbour's porch from the outside of their gate.

Pissing on the gate:

Step 1: Whip out dong
Step 2: Piss

Scoring a goal:

Step 1: Receive ball
Step 2: Score

We all know that it isn't all that simple...and I'm not even going to mention timing, positioning and to look if the neighbours are watching of course the involvement of your team mates.

In all honesty, a goal is a supreme end product of extensive fitness and tactical training coupled with a dash of intuitiveness and a splice of creativity which is held by the science of working together with 10 other people to beat 11 other men who have gone through the exact same thing.

Therefore, a celebration is not only necessary; I believe it is obligatory!




2. To fuck with the other team

It's a messed up feeling which is able to break the spirits of weaker men.

You are in the game and your whole team's formation is like the wall which Destiny Hope Cyrus hits while sitting naked on a wrecking ball, your 'keeper holds the ball as if he spread butter on his gloves instead of his toast and the other team scores. 

Your team mates hang their heads like there's an invisible noose attached around their necks. You know you'll need to score not one but at least two goals to win. 

And to top that off, a few fellas from the other side are either fishing (see Stjarnan FC video) from the edge of your penalty box or piled on top of the goalscorer in a scene matched only by hyenas devouring a zebra on Nat Geo. 

I'm sure at this moment, you'd rather be the fish or the zebra.

Loosely translated: You've already fallen, now the staircase falls on you.



1. Because you can!

Simple!

Have you seen the team who have just conceded a goal celebrate?

In the words of Beyonce Z: 

"If you got it; flaunt it!"

Now, go on and practice your celebrations. Just be mindful not to end up like these:

Bersih: Just in case you wanna go for another one (Post 3/3)

This Bersih rally being my first public rally and all, I have been enlightened to a different level and have experienced stuff that I never before imagined.

I think I am a chaos-addict...seeking excitement in chaotic situations but getting back to the topic at hand, I want to share some things that will and wont work during a rally, IF you decide to see and evaluate first hand and not comment on Facebook a few days later or if you just wanna get gassed and run around..

Let's face it, with Anwar (there is proof that you, sir, motioned to the other bloke to rile up the crowd) at the mix, the rally was always going to tear gas and water cannons anyway.  

The DO's and DON'Ts at a public riot rally

DO...

...observe personal hygiene

Throughout the rally I had some quiet demonstrators, and more overzealous ones...you know, the ones where they have arms out, punching the air, screaming their believes marching next to me..boy was I fucked! 

I'm not the neatest person in the world, ask anyone, but I made sure I had a good shit, shower and shave (just in case I get caught and the cops want me to do nekkid push-ups or Nurul Izzah falls for me), brushed my teeth, used mouthwash, deodorant, my Paco Rabane perfume (just in case lah, dammit!) and headed to Central Market.

Somehow, a lot of people don't get that. Cipet there was one point, I nearly died from underarm smells and nearly died again as I looked to my left, only to be met with the stinging breath smelling like shit from a zombie monkey being flung my way..ughh!

Deodorise, people! The brands nowadays guarantee 24-hour protection, and if you have inherited smelly genes then bring lah one cannister/tube/bottle...what's the use of carrying a bloody huge backpack if you can't fit it in!

...dress the part

Firstly, comfort and practicality is a priority! T shirt, jeans or shorts and shoes will be awesome enough... go easy on the make-up, hair and nail extensions, you are here to rock a cause, not the runway.

NO LEATHER JACKETS! I've seen a douchebag wearing a leather jacket with studs and spikes while we were retreating from them gasses. Why, God? Why? It was already so hot...and the gas and the water...

Brother, if you are reading this, at Bersih 4.0 or if Ultras Malaya decide to hold a rally to get the President of FAM to resign, wear a fucking raincoat/military suit!

If you believe and identify in the cause, show your support. Wear whatever they are wearing, be it a yellow or green top, a red one (last year, to protest the yellow fellas), or even a mask.

Just a reminder, swimming goggles and bandana's don't work against the gas! The sweat will seep in beneath the rubber and the lenses will fog up, leaving you no choice but to remove the goggles. Trust me, I lost my goggles and bandana in the retreat.

Remember to keep it light. There will be a lot of running and marching.

Slippers can be very dangerous. One misstep at the back of a slipper is all you need to either cause a stampede or being a floor mat. I must say this - Malaysians were very careful not to let people stay on the ground for long that day.

DON'T...

...obstruct the traffic/retreat flow

While the people at the front of the rally became the lasts one in line when the retreat began, there were plenty more people coming and heading full force towards Dataran Merdeka. 

As the people are screaming to turn back and retreat a little so we can have some breathing room, you would think the oncoming ones will at least give room...but NO, not till they saw the trucks; and by this time cannister after cannister have been shot.

Yeah, you are zealous warriors...but get the fuck out of the way! Although I loved the rush, the pain was real too! 

You back-seat generals gotta move backwards and not urging us to move on..give us room and go get your share of abuse...there were kids retreating too...which brings me to the next point!

...bring your kids to a rally!

My rule of probability has only two outcomes: 50-50. Example: What are my chances of winning the lottery? 50% = you will win; 50% you will not. 

At my day job, I get asked by parents every time: So, what are the chances of my son/daughter/son-that-will-soon-be-daughterish-and-have-videos-lip-syncing-to-Malay-rock-songs-in-hotels-in-KL passing his exams?


Fifty-fucking-percent..either he passes or fails.. See now if he asked What are the chances in passing and getting an A+? I'd be forced to see how many passing grades there and have 50 divided the number of grades from a C- (or D) to an A+. 


Geddit? No? Watch this:

Ladies and gentlemen, the Serdang Angels!

Anyhoo, the point here is..There's a 50% probability that the rally was gonna turn hostile..and it did! Which leaves me questioning:

What the fuck made you bring your 2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/teenage kid (choose, I saw them all that day) to Masjid James Jamek? 

Your kid is too young to understand what's going on. Values need to be instilled, yes, but come the time, they will be living in a different world, different politicians, different problems...why ruin the innocence and unbiased views of a child now?


Your kid isn't your fucking shield!
You are gonna get gassed! So beat it! Don't subject your child to gasses and the water. God knows what kind of drugs they put in those things...we overfed, overgrown adults can't take it, why subject your child to harms like this?


Based on that two things, Malaysia should have a rule towards pro-creation! If you have done either one or both of those things, get a vasectomy/tubectomy..please!!!


Rule of thumb: If you still buy the toothpaste he uses each morning, don't let him go anywhere near the rally!

Good night!

Word of the Day: Refulgent

Before I do this, let me assure you, I'm not gonna do this every day.. Only when I find interesting words..


So

WORD
refulgent (adjective): [ri-FUHL-junt]


MEANING
Shining brilliantly

ETYMOLOGY

From Latin refulgere (to radiate light, to reflect), from re- (back) + fulgere (to shine). Earliest documented use: before 1500.

USAGE

"Michael slowly walked into the water yesterday, his board tucked under his arm and his sun-kissed blond hair refulgent even in the dull light."
Mark Bode; Surf Tribute Farewells a Great Dad; The Sunshine Coast Daily (Maroochydore, Australia); May 9, 2011


NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH
The way Edward Cullen shines


Living for centuries as a pedophile vampire, Edward sits silently at the window, pants down to his ankles with the tremendous urge to jack off as he watches Bella sleep soundly into the night. Knowing that he is indeed a vampire that doesn't breathe, has no heartbeat and the blood doesn't flow in his veins, he couldn't muster a simple erection. But Edward is not the type to give up; he tried for hours!

With this realisation and the uprising sun, he flees the room in panic and as the rays of the sun catches his legs, there was a shine coming from his skin. Seeing that how Edward isn't that brilliant, that shine wasn't a refulgent one.

How Hari Raya is manipulated!

Hi..Selamat Hari Raya and Happy Merdeka (really?) 


So, I'm back to take a swipe at another festive time of the year as I've done with Chinese Christmas and Chinese New Year earlier this year. 


Honestly, I'm only doing this for two reasons: so I don't seem like a racist bastard by not posting about Raya (Chinese people have gone all sensitive after the 8TV thingy) and because I like doing stuff like this.

The Anti-Thrill of Hari Raya

When I was little, my classmates will tell me stories of how they'd gather round the TV before Hari Raya and Puasa just to listen to some old man announce the date. This old man is the Keeper of the Royal Seal or Pemegang Cop Mohor Raja-Raja Melayu. We shall now refer to him as Pak Cik.


As I grew older, I too began watching because I have Muslim relatives to visit and more importantly Raya means HOLIDAY!


So I began to notice how Pak Cik's announcements always fall on the same day as the calender and I honestly thought that Pak Cik was like a soothsayer (of course at 9, I did not use that word) until one day after having my awesome Lorong Char Siew Rice, my mum and I were in a goldsmith. 

3rd from right: My 9-year-old self and my oldest friends in the world

The thing about any goldsmith on Jalan Bunga Raya is when you sit there, they'd give you a boxed drink, usually wintermelon tea (UGHH) and when you buy stuff, they somehow will always give you another gift. 


This time it was next year's calender. The kind where the paper is thin and there are horses printed on every Saturday, Sunday and Wednesday. The kind where there'll be 11 pictures of animals and a Chinese character   at the bottom where you can associate your birth year and see if you were born a bitch, swine or 10 other animals.


I flipped the pages, looking to see how awesome Miss July was and I kept on looking till I saw the dates for next year's Hari Raya. Boy, was I pissed. I was thinking they were sure gonna piss Pak Cik off when he sees this. 


In a fit of rage I complained to my mom, demanding her to write for me a letter to Pak Cik to alert him of this conspiracy of the World Chinese Calender Makers Association (Malaysia). She refused. I think she feared for our safety. If you've watched Young & Dangerous, you'd be scared too.


Let's get some things straight here: I can write on my own, but in children's writing. I doubt that Pak Cik would take my theories of conspiracy seriously if I sent him the letter and the WCCMA(M) is a very secret organisation that even Google doesn't have any record of their existence.


As the years rolled on, my belief in Pak Cik's powers faded in the same manner when we realised things we believed in like Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and Democracy were indeed just stories made up to help us sleep at night.


This year however, with the WCCMA(M) announcing Hari Raya on the 30th while Puasa started on the 1st, I thought there was a glitch in the system, a calculation error. 


I waited for Pak Cik to announce the date and make the WCCMA(M) look like assholes. I was getting more nervous as the seconds drew closer. My heart was racing. Sweat dripping into my socks and out of a sudden it was a deathly cold embrace that I felt as Pak Cik concurred with my sworn enemies. Was he afraid to go against them too? Or was he on their payroll?


Here is my call to you out there: Help me regain Pak Cik's honour!


This is how it's going to work:

1. We raise RM 200,000.00
2. We meet the WCCMA(M) with Pak Cik
3. We pay off the WCCMA(M) 
4. We insist that they mess up their announcement of Hari Raya
5. Pak Cik announces the correct date
6. We win!


Nevermind that the last minute change will cause chaos and massive traffic overcrowding as well as dysfunctions of corporate and manufacturing establishments. We'll have Hari Raya that's not predicted by the WCCMA(M) and Pak Cik will again be the nation's most reliable source for Hari Raya..


Till next time!  

For the love of the game..

So, the last of the English teams played our Harimau Muda last week. Three games in 9 days saw us lose all three conceding 11 goals and scoring 3.

Warning: If you can't take honesty, Faakaff!

The Good


Liverpool FC


Liverpool FC thanking MALAYSIAN fans for our warm welcome and hospitality. I think we have showed the team that Anfield is more than a stadium, it's an omnipotent sense of belonging.

Baru Training, bro

Besides that, it was awesome seeing Dirk Kuyt score on Malaysian soil.




XI Harimau


In yesterday's game, Ong Kim Swee fielded a nervous Select XI to face Chelsea. Although at times, I wished we realised that some of our players are about as tall as John Terry's nostrils and would stop trying to play the long ball, I must say defensively they showed grit, mistake-ridden grit.


We contained Chelsea for about 80 minutes before conceding a non-goal by Drogba.


Which is way better than conceding 10 goals and then blame your own supporters (Read On)




The Bad:


The Linesman


Entrusted with keeping the offside rule and the playability of the ball during the match was his responsibility. However, our dear sir, the linesman on the nearside failed to do so, resulting in two atrocious offside calls and awarding Chelsea a very much undeserved goal when ol' squinty claimed the ball had crossed the line into the goal. Dickhead

Lu tarak tau, lu tamau kasi gol laa

The Ugly




Najib Razak


Given that the Malaysian PM supports the wrong coloured team in Manchester and at the same time the mastermind of this 1Malaysia thing, with the naivety of a pawn on a chessboard, expected to see him at the Malaysian FA Cup game between Kelantan and Terengganu.


HE WASN'T THERE


I thought:
Fine, he is not from either state anyways.


Harimau Malaya played Lebanon and the Chinese Taipei, followed by an English giant, Arsenal and Chelsea with another coming up against our Evertonian-like neighbours, Singapore.


I swear I thought he was gonna be there giving his beauty queen wave.


HE WASN'T THERE


I looked at the papers. Like the UEFA Champions League I thought he was at a Mamak shop in Putrajaya and perhaps The Star would put him on the front page again and this time with a happier expression.

Front Page Material

IT WASN'T THERE


I was thinking Champions League was at 4am, so he most probably slept at 9pm. So it made sense that he wasn't there watching his potential voters play.




Rajagopal


Speaking of unpatriotic, Rajagopal having the traits of becoming a top class BPL Manager, white hair, somewhat master tactician and speaks total shit after his team loses, has infuriated 'Malaysian Scousers' by claiming we are not patriotic.

Just listen to him taking a rip at Liverpool fans, most probably he failed to realise:





80000 Malaysians cheered when Liverpool scored
87000 Malaysians cheered when Malaysia scored
29 mil  Malaysians think the free kick goal was top drawer
0 players were booed at the Malaysia-Liverpool game


I'd like to see him comment on the support Scums have if and when they visit next.




Benayoun's Treatment


Granted that calling him Judas is wrong because that might be a racial slur and Fernando Torres already has taken that one, the boos Yossi Benayoun got every time he touched the ball was uncalled for.

Liverpool fans were instantly blamed for giving him a hard time after his switch to London but that couldn't be right, Judas was cheered every time the camera zoomed at him.


So, the people booing him are from an obvious source for obvious reasons. What good would booing a scrawny fleet-footed Jew do?


I'd just like to add that the problem in the Gaza Strip is political and not religious as we zealously imagine.


Anyhoo, see you this Thursday as our lads take on Singapore.

My Shitty Day (Official Story)

Against all my wishes, I went for today's meeting with the label. Although it was fruitful to a certain extent, I might have bitten off more than I can digest.

After lunch, I took the MRR2 back to my proposed location of choice, Cyberjaya. I didn't make it back, of course..

See, about 500m before the nearest petrol station, I felt the Shits* growing. So, I decided to speed up and hurry to the toilet. I made it there, of course and I only had one option, a squatting cubicle. I rolled my pants and undies and did my business well but as I reached for the hose, yes, I wash, my pants slipped from my armpit grip and fell in the toilet bowl.

I laughed then realised that I had nothing to wear but my pink-polka-dot-motif-boxers. I panicked! In my mind raced a million thoughts and the huge hole in my boxers was as useful as a one-legged man in a football match.

Please pay attention to only the boxers

If this ever happens to you, here's what you should do:


1.  Damage Control


If it's just a small patch, wash and pretend nothing happened. However, if like me once upon a time ago, my undies got soiled, roll the damn thing and throw it away. Then go commando and enjoy the soft touches of the fabric on your skin.


What happens if the toilet is full of people knocking on your door asking you to hurry the fuck up?
Shove the son-of-a-bitch in the toilet pump thingy and please have the decency to off the tap.




2.  Do the right thing


Like what I did today, I called my boss who thankfully is my childhood friend, Mrs Violet Francis-Monterio and explained the situation:

Lett, I have something to tell you. Please don't get angry and try not to laugh

What's that?

My pants fell in the toilet bowl

(I swear she had the how-did-you-shit-that-your-pants-can-fall-into-the-bowl thought in her mind)

How can happen?

(I explained the situation)

I'll go home and change my pants then I'll come back to office

Hahahahaha..No need la..

So, I ran out of the toilet, wearing only my boxers and pants wet and rolled in my hands.

 P.S. I'll explain what Shits* mean some other time

Procrastinator's Creed!

What do we want?

Procrastination!

When do we want it?

A while more!

Happy New Year!

Resolution: To procrastinate less..starting...March..perhaps

How to Eliminate the first 10 on The Bachelor

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Today's Lesson

I learned from YouTube....

I'll NEVER...

...SCARE A BLACK MAN

...HONK AT OLD PEOPLE

TTFN...
*hugs

Not the BRO code

I've got no stories yet and I have finally gotten the complete BRO CODE..but this is NOT it..

The (now UNOFFICIAL) Chick Code

1) A chick shall not sleep with another chick’s ex-boyfriend unless the other chic does so first.

2) A chick never pays for anything. Ever!!

3) A chick shall never support another chick, whatever the reason maybe!!

4) If a chick asks another chick to keep a secret, then… Are you kidding!! In the entire history of humankind, chicks have never been able to keep a secret!! Ever!!

5) The favorite color of all chicks shall always be pink. And none other than pink.

6) If two chicks get into a fight, they shall make catty remarks and pretend to ignore each other rather than simply stripping down and wrestling it out.

7) If a chick hears a chick empowerment song like “I Will Survive”, she shall stop whatever she is doing, grab another chick’s hand and shriek the lyrics at the top of her lungs.

8) If the TV is showing the movie “My Best Friend’s Wedding” or “Sex in the City”, the chick has to leave whatever she is doing and watch the movie till the very end. No matter how many times she has seen it. 

 Corollary: A chick will quickly find some work in the kitchen or somewhere else if her boyfriend is watching the movie “Die Hard” or “300”.

9) A chick may get a dog as a pet but only if it fits in her mailbox.

10) If two chicks are wearing a same outfit, each retains the right to accidentally spill a drink on the other.

11) A chick shall not operate a motor vehicle in a safe manner. 

 Corollary: If a chick does operate a motor vehicle, she will at least hit someone.

 

A chic driving My chic driving

12) A chick shall never use the side mirror for applying lipstick while driving the car. It is extremely dangerous since it messes up the hair!!

13) A chick has a free pass to slut it up on Halloween.

 

14) A chick shall always say “Oww.. Sooo cute!!” at the sight of a baby or a kitten or a puppy or a man with a cute baby or a man with a cute puppy.

15) A chick shall never leave the house without putting on make-up first, even if the house is on fire. 

Corollary: A chick shall never go to sleep without putting on make-up first. 

Corollary: If a chick is on a date, she shall find some excuse to use the restroom at least three times in order to check the make-up.

16) A chick shall always demonstrate an absolute lack of common sense. Especially, if she is really hot!!

 

Bro Code cumming soon

Assignment Troubles...Solved!

So...

Ravena is a friend was stressed out because she has to finish an assignment of which she doesn't know the question to. Instead of advising her to change her evil ways and to start going for classes, I decided to help her finish her assignment by providing the question or topic of discussion.

Here's how it played out:

Morning..

Indeed it is the morning.

Has it been good to you?

Not at all!

Ughh!!

And with you?

Its been fair

How lucky

How bad has it been for you?

I've been sitting in front of the laptop since 10pm tryna finish an assignment which i don't have the question to...

...and my classmates are a bunch of assholes who aren't replyin' my texts.

Stressful morning!

Call them la!

I did and still no answer

Hows about I give u the question and you answer it la

Hahahahha..OK

Lets start with cup size.

-.-'

How can you describe the size of cups in your house?

Please note that cups may range from tea cups to coffee mugs.

However, masak-masak(toy) tea sets cannot be included

This is not a Multiple Choice Question**, hence answering 'C' will not work.

Ahahahahahahahahahaha...

I'm completely speechless..but I like the way you think

 To help her with her other assignments, add Ravena on Facebook

 Ladies and gents, Ravena Hundal's dog, Sherry

** Multiple Choice Questions also means OBJEKTIF or 'ABCD' for all you dimwits out there. Jeff!

JEFF 101: An Introduction to Jeff

Education time 

I see a lot of people using the term JEFF rather freely nowadays and some of them really do not have the class while using it.

JEFF is not an ordinary word

JEFF can't be thrown around for FUN

So, I've taken (my company's) time to teach you a little on JEFF

JEFF 


JEFF is an English word that is generally considered profane which, in its most literal meaning, refers to the act of sexual intercourse. However, by extension it may be used to negatively characterize anything that can be dismissed, disdained, defiled, or destroyed.

"JEFF" can be used as a verb, adverb, adjective, command, interjection, noun, and can logically be used as virtually any word in a sentence (e.g., "JEFF the JEFFing JEFFers").

Moreover, it is one of the few words in the English language which could be applied as an infix (e.g., "Am I sexy? AbsoJEFFinglutely!"; "BullJEFFingshit!").

It has various metaphorical meanings.

The verb "to be JEFFed" can mean "to be cheated" (e.g., "I got JEFFed by a scam artist"), or alternatively, to be sexually penetrated.

As a noun "a JEFF" or "a JEFFer" may describe a contemptible person. "A JEFF" may mean an act of copulation. The word can be used as an interjection, and its participle is sometimes used as a strong emphatic.

The verb to JEFF may be used transitively or intransitively, and it appears in compounds, including JEFF off, JEFF up, "JEFF you", and JEFF with. In less explicit usages (but still regarded as vulgar), JEFF or JEFF with can mean to mess around, or to deal with unfairly or harshly. In a phrase such as "don't give a JEFF", the word is the equivalent of "damn", in the sense of something having little value. In "what the JEFF!", it serves merely as an intensive. If something is very abnormal or annoying "this is JEFFed up!" may be said.

Other fun facts about JEFF:

JEFF is the brain-child of Ramon

JEFF is a short for the drug Jeffrey



  JEFF is also the name of this person:

Add him/her on Facebook here


To all who are really named JEFF, it's OK, it's not YOUR fault you were named JEFF. It's not too late to get it changed...LEGALLY!