This One's for The Ladies

So, after being challenged requested to do a piece about the whisky drinking habits of the fairer sex, I have decided not to do it because of this quote:

"Girls that take whisky seriously are often scary and have husky voices and their farts smell like smoke"  - Vishaal Vickram on most probably not Diandra Soliano

No one fucks, literally or verbally with women whom when they fart, might just be cancerous to inhale. On the other hand, I must insist that I'm not a fart smelling kinda guy...but psychologically whenever someone says they've farted, you do take a whiff, right? Or else how would you know the degree of the stink.. Think about it..

Anyhoo, I've decided to group from wine sipping women to free flow loving girls according to their drink of choice while offering tactless, fact-less insights on their psyche.


Victoria

Having a classy and elegant name, Victorias only sip wine or their bubbly cousins, champagne. Victoria will linger around restaurants that you most probably can't spell, let alone pronounce. Rarely seen drinking by the drain or in a parking lot nearby KK Mart, let alone your apartment that you share with 6 other people.

However, sometimes within the elite, there are some glasses among diamonds. Yes, there are wannabes and god-forbid hipsters.

How to spot faux Vickys?

She might drink according to one variable or another and might not know the true value of the beverage. For example, she/they might choose the oldest or most expensive wine from the menu, without knowing a thing about Merlot, Shiraz, 2007, 2001, South Africa, Chile, etc


Cindy

Cindy enjoys and appreciates the flamboyant and sometimes exquisite skill of the bartender in mixing her the perfect drink (for the occasion).

Ranging from a feisty Margarita to a sexy Singapore Sling or even a hackneyed Gin and Tonic, this lass usually could sip and chug the night away.

Cindy is not neccesarily refined but she does know what she wants and how she wants it for the night. She is usually very cautious on what she puts in her mouth for the night and can be very picky...with her drink.

To pick her up in a bar, one must usually gauge what kind of drink she is drinking and yet offer to buy her something that looks close but not quite the drink in her glass; giving her ego a slight boost and allowing her to think she has control over the lack of your cocktatual (it isn't a word) knowledge.

A common conversation might start like:

Can I buy you another Strawberry Margarita?
Err..you can, but I'm having a Frozen Strawberry Daiquiri, two shots of rum..
(I am in no way promising you a cowgirl ride. Why would I?)


Patsy O'Hara

She is a new breed of lasses who particularly enjoy the dark Irish drink brewed typically by her distant uncle, Arthur.

Emerging strongly among today's women in Malaysia are these elite yet artsy-fartsy group who enjoys their pint(s) of stout and never from the bottle or can.

Usually blue-collared individuals or deeply involved in the arts or media, Patsy have found the perfect elixir for she doesn't particularly enjoy neither the taste of beer or the fear of the development of the magical and omnipresent beer belly nor the strength or kick of a cocktail.

Patsies don't to be taken too lightly. They are no bimbos and are well-versed in the fields they are involved. They have an astute insight and are equally opinionated when it comes to music, film, photography, business and politics.

I like Patsy.

P.S. Some Patsies love ciders and beware, some hipsters live in this zip code.


Alice

Alice is your girl-next-door, ale guzzling hottie!

She enjoys the occasional ice-cold one but drinking capacity can be limited because of the tender ale's tendency of filling up before shoshing up, the broken seal syndrome (frequent pissings) or the most common fear: the beer belly.

Alices are fun to be with and usually have no problem having a bottled beer in a field in a housing estate or while camping out by the road in front of a KK Mart (quick tip: beers are cheaper here than in 7-Eleven) after the wretched barman rings the damn bell!

They have somewhat no problem taking a piss at a secluded stairway.

Alice usually makes friends rather quickly and easily with the opposite sex and they have somewhat no problem taking a piss at a secluded stairway.


Lindsay

Let me introduce the ultimate free-flowing party girl. These girls seem to have every free-flow pass in town and can be seen at every free-flow party from Jinjang to Sepang.

Before we go on further, I would like to state that free drinks is always awesome but, but, being at every party is somewhat ridiculous, unless you have that magical object called the MEDIA PASS!

These ladies hit the joints early, get liquored up before 10 and sustain till 3am. Yes, they can afford the drinks but free stuff is always just that much sweeter, right.

These lovely ladies are very friendly too, but thread cautiously, alcohol can spark waterworks, green-monsters or even sluttish tendencies! However, more often than not, these lovely ladies either will do ever so well with the decoration of the toilets from her stomach or be seen playing dead outside clubs.




So, what's your name, tell me what's your name?

Songs that will be played all day (in my head at least)

So this isn't a long weekend or anything, but today might just be the day I get crowned as The Score's King of Hot Wings at their Chili Rush Challenge in Jaya One, PJ.

It seems that this will either kill or soil you

Don't come..watch Hindustan on TV3's Panggung Sabtu!


Anyhoo, back to why I'm writing this.. Here's the today's list of songs you SHOULD listen to...on repeat! Why? Because fuck you, that's why..

No, I'm not offering any justification on why you should listen, just layan!



Metalingus - Alter Bridge





Santa Monica - Everclear






Say it isn't so - Gareth Gates Weezer






Rise of the Fenix - Tenacious D






Even Flow - Pearl Jam





See you!

The Official Chick Code...Part 2

The Chick Code

Article 31:
When on the prowl, a Chick hits the most decent seeming guy first in hopes of catching a good one.

Article 32:
A Chick must get married before she's forty.

Article 33:
When in a public restroom, a Chick (1) does not look in between the crack in stall doors, even by accident; (2) waits until the restroom is completely empty before streaking to the next stall when you find that the stall you chose has no toilet paper rather than asking anyone if they could pass her any (this also applies for when she needs to sprint to the tampon dispenser thingy); (3) taps foot impatiently and huffs a bit when there is a wait; (4) always uses soap.

Article 34:
Chicks never reveal where they get their toys especially when involved in lesbian intercourse or a tricycle.

Article 35:
A Chick never rents or buys porn.

Article 36:
When the situation arises where a Chick spies another Chick with fake breasts while with her boyfriend, then he comments on it, a Chick always has the right to read between the lines at the bf's reaction comment (aka catching him staring at her breasts--but at least give him a few brownie points if he decries the silicon masses).

Article 37:
A Chick always reserves the right to get miffed if her male companion does not exhibit gentlemanly conduct (i.e. not opening the door for her, not pulling out her chair for her to sit down, not offering to pay, etc.)

Article 38:
Even in a fight to the death, a Chick never assaults, or attempts to assault, another Chick's breasts, bum, or "No-No Square". Scratching (this includes eye-gauging) is also not acceptable, on account of the usually long and sometimes sharp nails of our gender. Hair pulling, unfortunately, is both acceptable and encouraged.

Article 39:
When a Chick exchanges numbers with a guy, she is allowed to contact him twice before she must honor the weird "wait three days" thing guys do.

Article 40:
Should a Chick get the chance to be engaged to be married, her Side-Chicks are obligated to help the betrothed out in any way the bride-to-be deems possible. And they shall also throw her a kick ass bachelorette party as one last fling.

Article 41:
A Chick is always allowed to cry (and if she can cry on cue, all the better).

Article 42:
Upon greeting another Chick, a Chick may engage in a hug, cheek kiss(es), high five, hand shake, fist bump, Bro hug, jumping up and down, booty bump, or light ass smack, but never a kiss on the lips nor grope/caress in any way. Exception: lesbians.

Article 43:
A Chick loves her country, especially if it's in Europe.

Article 44:
A Chick may never take off or move around her swim bottoms while applying sunscreen, though untying the back of her top is acceptable.

Article 45:
A Chick does not go to a strip club as a general rule, though it is not completely prohibited.

Article 46:
If a Chick is seated next to a Chick who's stuck in the middle seat on an airplane, she shall yield her all their shared armrests, unless the girl has (a) been talking absolutely nonstop; (b) is snoring; (c) makes the Chick get up more than once to use the lavatory; or (d) is really fat.

Article 47:
A Chick loves pink, regardless to whether or not she really does live pink.

Article 48:
A Chick always, when the opportunity arises, participates in a drinking game (i.e. "I Never"/"Never Have I Ever", etc.) or risky party game (i.e. Truth or Dare, Seven Minutes in Heaven, Would You Rather, Spin the Bottle, etc).

Article 49:
When asked, "Do you need some help?" by a super hot guy, a Chick always replies yes, whether or not she's really got it.

Article 50:
If a Chick should accidentally boob or butt brush another Chick both shall continue on like nothing had happened. If a Chick should boob or butt brush a guy on accident she shall act like nothing happened and try not to blush.

Article 51:
A Chick checks out another Chick's blind date and reports back, though the Chick going on the blind date is obligated to still go on the date and give the guy a chance even if the report is bad.

Article 52:
A Chick is required to remember her Side-Chick's birthdays and anniversaries, and children's birthdays and anniversaries.

Article 53:
Even in a drought, a Chick always washes her hands after every potty break, and washes her face every morning and night.

Article 54:
A Chick is required to go out with her mother on Mother's Day, and her Side-Chicks on Halloween, New Year's Eve, Boxing Day, Black Friday, and Desperation Day (February 13th).

Article 55:
A Chick is always allowed to borrow clothes from another Chick, unless said clothes are unwashed, frumpy, obsolete, ugly, and/or gross.

Article 56:
A Chick is required to alert another Chick if the Guy/Chick Ratio at a party falls below 1:1. However, so not to create a Chicklandia, a Chick may only alert three Side-Chicks. Chicklandia is when there is little to no men, while a Sausage Zone is when there is little to no women. The perfect range is around "for every girl there is three guys".

Article 57:
A Chick always reveals the score of a sporting event to a guy, if she can remember it.

Article 58:
A Chick always shaves, or waxes, her legs, armpits, eyebrows if they need to be, and "down there" (if the need be, then other places may be shaved/waxed as well). Exception: butch lesbians, girls too uncomfortable or sensitive, or girls who are making a statement by not doing it.

She didn't get the memo

Article 59:
A Chick always brings a jailed Chick the necessities ("necessities" may vary in definition for each individual, so be sure to know what the jailed Chick would appreciate).

Article 60:
A Chick will always be respectful to others' parents, even if they're driving her insane.

Article 61:
A Chick will always alert the significant other of her Side-Chick's life to an upcoming anniversary, birthday, or other important events. This is to protect the feelings of her Side-Chick, because you know that the significant other she's alerted had forgotten.

Article 62:
In the event that two Chicks lock on to the same target, they may be somewhat petty towards the opposing chick and somewhat slutty to the target. It is important that the target be aware that there is competition for his affection, but not find out just how vicious and important the situation is. Should it happen that the target choose neither Chick, they reserve the right to blame each other and call each other bad names under their breath.

Article 63:
A Chick will be completely supportive of all decisions of her Side-Chick in the event of pregnancy. This includes the touchy subject of abortion, but even then a Chick must respect any and all decisions made by the preggo Chick.

Article 64:
In the case of a road trip, the Chick that suggested the road trip must pay for the food and a fraction of all other expenses. Bad things, like car sickness or post-Taco Bell potty breaks, and it will be blamed on the Chick who suggested the road trip. Therefor, she must pay more.

Article 65:
A Chick can order any type of alcoholic drink she wants. Because, unlike men, we can have both fruity drinks with umbrellas and cheap beer.

Article 66:
A Chick shall always participate in karaoke when the even arises, and, if she can't carry a tune, reserves the right to pretend to be drunk or get drunk.

Article 67:
Should you know for a fact that your Side-Chick's significant other is cheating on her, then she MUST tell her Side-Chick, even though it'll hurt her. Getting evidence first also helps.

Article 68:
A Chick must NEVER EVER EVER get her vagina pierced.

Article 69:
Duh.

Article 70:
A Chick will drive another Chick to the airport and, if she's available, also pick her up--both of which on time and/or early. She is expected to inquire how her trip was and her general well-being, and at least offer to help her with her luggage.

Part 1 here
Part 3 cumming soon

Bend it like Reina

With modern football being somewhat of a fashion statement nowadays...all of the men boys I know have or still are idolizing some football star.

Walk down Drive to your nearby playground and you'll see kids dressed in the same manner their stars dress..from their kits to socks..even the laces on their boots mirror football players.

Here's where it gets interesting..their hairstyles.

Over the years..many people have been copying Beckham or even than Portuguese Prancing Pony Ronaldo..even Edgar Davids and Fellaini hair had followers

Edgar Davids' Predator look

Fellaini..I swear I play fustal with someone that looks like him

Confession: As a boy..I too had dreams of donning hairstyles like these people above. Sadly tho..the way my head is evolving, my only hope is to have hairstyles like Raul Meireles, Gary McAllister or Pepe Reina

Meireles

 

 

 

 

McAllister

Reina

 

 

As you can see..all of us share the same trait..baldness Liverpool FC.

YNWA!

Speaking of football...

Today's Lesson  

Football is not the gayish game Americans play with pads and helmets. 

Football is 22 men running around a field trying to get a ball into a net while Howard Webb one Jackass blows a whistle and two others play with flags while another holds up certain numbers on a board from time to time.

The Americans play: Gay Rugby

She can play on my team...anytime XD

How to live longer

So, a few more days to Christmas and I realised I wanted better health and a long life this year..how am I ever going to get that?

Staring at boobs

It's scientifically proven that boobs will help us MEN live longer.
Here's the math:

10 minutes of Boob-watching a day = 30 minutes of Exercise WILL increase the life-span of a male by up to 3,153,600 minutes = 6 years

Think I'm lying?

I'm NOT!!

Therefore, I've coined up a Christmas tune on my own to give to good ol' Saint Nick..

All I want for Christmas

Every body pauses and stares at she
These two tits are round as you can see
I don't know just who to praise for this discovery!
But my one wish on Christmas Eve is as plain as it can be!

All I want for Christmas
is your two round tits,
your two round tits,
see your two round tits!

Gee, if I could only
have you two round tits,
then I could wish you
"Merry Christmas."

It seems so long since I could say,
"Sister Susie has a nice left nipple!"
Gosh oh gee, how happy I'd be,
if I could only suckle (thhhh, thhhh)

All I want for Christmas
is your two round tits,
your two round tits,
see your two round tits.

Gee, if I could only
have your two round tits,
then I could wish you
"Merry Christmas!"

 *To be sung in the same tune of All I want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth

10 minutes starts.....NOW!

The Official Chick Code...Part 1

After accepting the challenge by Khristabelle of posting the COMPLETE Chick Code..I, Darian Henry, the ALMIGHTY and ever Just read la:

The Chick Code

Article 1:

Chicks before dicks. The bond between two women is more stronger than the bond between a man and a woman because, on average, women are more willing and able to commit than men. 

Article 2:

A Chick is always entitled to do something wild, as long as the rest of her Side-Chicks* are all doing it. For example: partaking in "WOOO!!!"-ing. The license to be wild is why we have Side-Chicks in the first place.

Article 3:

A Chick never divulges the existence of the Chick Code to a man. It is a sacred document not to be shared with guys for any reason...no, not ever that reason. Note: if you a man reading this, first, let me apologize: it was never my intention for this book to contain this much math. Second, I urge you to look at this document for what it is--a piece of fiction meant to entertain a broad audience through the prism of stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really is like we're from different planets! -Too late! 

Article 4:Whether she cares about shopping/shoes/clothes/makeup/etc or not, a Chick cares about [the aforementioned].

Article 5:A Chick shall not stare inappropriately if she and other Chicks must get naked in front of one another in a locker room. You may gossip, joke around, and many other fun activities but never should you stare at another Chick's breasts, "No-No Square", and/or bum.

Article 6:A Chick never admits that she's PMSing to a guy, not even when she is PMSing.

Article 7: 

A Chick always sends greeting cards (even if she doesn't really want to). While some Chicks may not enjoy sending greeting cards, the respectable thing to do is to send one, whether it be a "Thank You" Note, a "Get Well Soon" Card, a Birthday Card, a "Congratulations" Card, a Holiday Card, or a "Thinking of You" Note.

Article 8:Should a Chick be critically injured, her Side-Chicks are to never make jokes about it, unless the hurt Chick does first.

Article 9:A Chick will drop whatever she's doing and rush to help her Side-Chick when and if she gets dumped. Things required to ensure maximum comfort for your dumped Side-Chick: a shoulder to cry on, arms to hug, things to break, tissues, chocolate, alcohol, chick flicks, angry chick music, popcorn, mani/pedi kit, facial kit, and words aimed to describe what a douche what's-his-face was.

Article 10:A Chick always asks for a guy's help when moving. For more effective results (aka getting a reluctant guy friend to move your massive couch and queen sized bed) butter him up about how strong and able and manly he is. For even more effective results, it is acceptable to slut it up a little or "involuntarily" show off your assets while buttering up. Pouting and begging in a sexual manner are also acceptable in this situation.

Article 11:On dinner dates, do not eat like a pig. But do not be peckish either. And when dessert rolls around, and you're hoping for an "active" night, nonchalantly licking icing, whipped cream off your finger(s), or the underside of your utensil works most effectively.

Article 12:A Chick must always help her fellow Chicks stay away from known or rumored creepers.

Article 13:A Chick shall always help a Side-Chick get a guy. Should your Side-Chick be pursuing a taken guy (in a relationship, engaged, or married) you are not obligated to help her win him.

Article 14:If a guy should inquire about another Chick's sexual history, a Chick shall lie and say that she doesn't know so that the Chick questioned about looks not like a whore nor a prude. Exception: should a guy inquire about another Chick's sexual history with women, a Chick shall indignantly say that the Chick questioned about has never done anything with in a sexual nature with a woman or women, regardless of whether or not she has ("I don't know" is also acceptable but not suggested). Exception to Exception: The Chick questioned about had previously told you of their sexual interactions with women and it was not a secret.

Article 15:A Chick never dances stupidly nor too slutty. Exception: when a Chick is drunk or under the pretense of being drunk.

Article 16:A Chick should be able, at any time, to recite the following: winner of American Idol and Project Runway; who's on the cover of Vanity Fair and Vogue; the the new hottest couple is; who the top celebrity couples are; what the latest celebrity scandals are.

Article 17:

A Chick shall be kind and courteous to her co-workers, unless they are beneath her on the Pyramid of Screaming, i.e. C-workers who are total jerk wads, completely incompetent, and/or inappropriate (You know what kind of inappropriate).

Article 18:A Chick shall not sleep with another Chick's brother (unless genuinely deemed okay with the Chick who has the brother). However, a Chick shall not let it bother her in any way if another Chick says, "OMG you're brother is, like, so hott!" And should a Chick's brother be interested in the Chick's friend, it is not acceptable for them to get together unless genuinely deemed okay by the Chick with the brother.

Article 19:A Chick respects Chicks in the military because they've selflessly chosen to defend the nation, but more the point, because they can totally kick your ass when you comment on how camouflage print doesn't look good on them or their tragic haircut.

Article 20:
A Chick may share her observations about another Chick's smoking-hot boyfriend, but in no way must she say anything further to ensure that the Chick with with hot bf doesn't think that the observing Chick will attempt to steal the bf in any way, shape, or form.

Article 21:
Homosexual men are completely acceptable as Side-Chicks. Sometimes even better. For example, less of your Gucci's will "go missing". Unless your homosexual guy-friend cross-dresses, which is also completely acceptable.

Article 22:
There is no law that prohibits a straight man from being a Side-Chick or "one of the girls". He can make a wonderful wingman or, if all else fails, a backup boyfriend/hubby.

Article 23:
A Chick shall not sleep with another Chick's ex, unless the Chick whose ex it is does.

Article 24:
If two Chicks get into a fight, they shall make catty remarks and pretend to ignore each other, rather than stripping down and wrestling it out. See Article 38(see how cleverly I get you to look out for the next one) for a description of the rules should the strip-n-wrestle situation occur.

Article 25:
If two Chicks are wearing the same outfit, each retains the right to "accidentally" spill a drink on the other.

Article 26:
A Chick doesn't let another Chick get a"tramp stamp".

Article 27:
A Chick never removes her clothing in public, unless at a pool, beach, or (sometimes) a concert.

Article 28:
A Chick will, in a timely manner, alert her Side-Chicks to the existence of a sale/clearance.

Article 29:
If two chicks decide to catch a movie together, they shall split a tub of popcorn to save money. However, they are not to share a drink because that would just be awkward.

Article 30:
A Chick comparison shops.

Part 2 Cumming Soon

In light of the seriousness of the matter, I have decided NOT to put any pictures

Friday Nite LIVE

Seeing as how Blister will be rockin' it at Backyard this Friday (December 3, 2010) from 9.30pm til LATE

I've decided to pen type a few words to help YOU get accustomed to the ALL NEW Backyard's MOSH PIT!

Speaking on Mosh Pits, I've seen/been in a few 'Major 'Pits' me-self..

*Blast Off, KL, 2004

*MTV World Stage, KL, 2009

*Slash Live in KL, 2010

*The SHOUT! Awards, KL, 2010

The ONE thing all of these have in common is: Malaysians have no MOSH PIT ETIQUETTE!

So here's:

THE RULES OF THE MOSH PIT


The FIRST RULE of FIGHT CLUB the MOSH PIT is: You do not talk about FIGHT CLUB the MOSH PIT (Sorry, I got carried away)

#1 Dress Appropriately
Observe comfortable but ROCK-ish clothing at all times. 

DO NOT mosh over-aggressively with your stupid-assed-metal-clad boots and chains and spikes coming out from all the wrong places. You'll just hurt someone physically not emotionally because they see how retarded you look. 

Spiked hair is still good in my book as long as it doesn't belong to a TOTAL DOUCHE!

On the other hand, if you come to a mosh pit dressed in a suit or some preppy looking kid like Fred from Scobby-Doo or anyone from the Archie series, prepare to get taunted and ridiculed so hard, droplets of shit might fall from your eyes.

Fred Jones

Dressing up like Shaggy however, is acceptable.


#2 NO fists...NO elbows!
Nobody likes a DOUCHE throwing his/her elbows/fists into another person's rib,face, scrotum, etc. If you had a fist or two come your way, you'd probably deserve it from not paying attention to the Pit and texting another DOUCHE: 

OMFG...dis band ttly rox! XD I wish dese morons'd stp jumpin so fucken much..so annoyin! :/

If you really can't take it anymore, just pinch 'em around the inner arm. I guarantee that they will feel the pain..even though he/she has had her eyes tattooed.


#3 NO Phones/Cameras/Cameraphones
Fact: Unless the BAND asked you to record a clip, don't do it.

You are in the (mosh) pit for a reason: fully experience the energy and music thru' bouncing your bodies in a safe yet aggressive manner..

So, don't bother carrying your sweat drenched (arm)pits in the air, trying to record the WHOLE concert and at the same time getting pissed off at the few people who are trying to mosh, hence ruining your shots..because if you are the tool that's doing just that, LET LOOSE BRAH! 

You already are probably stuck in a crappy DAY job..leave the stick in the office man..put it back in your ass tomorrow..LIVE a little. What are you gonna do with the clip anyways? Boast to your equally lame friends that you were there? Put up a video on Youtube?


#4 YES to deodorant
Maths: You + 60 minutes waiting in line + 150 minutes in the Mosh Pit = SMELLY!

Just be kind to all of us..slap on some deodorant, splash a little perfume..C'mon, is that so hard to ask?


#5 Don't be a cheap-thrill..desperate guy..
Don't go round molesting people..it's not cool.
What's even more uncool-er? 
You going around looking to be molested.


Sad to say, but I've seen a few blokes dressed up tranny-like, looking ugly and shit and go around rubbing themselves over other guys. HELLS NO!


My advice to these kinda PERVS: Try crowd-surfing. That way you'll be groped and grabbed all over.

Oh and crowd-surfing starts from front to back..do it the other way and I can guarantee you..YOU WILL BE DROPPED!

 I know my shit!

Anyhoo..this is a CALL to all Rockers and Rollers to come down to Backyard Pub, TRUST ME..the pub has great atmosphere, reasonable prices, and us, Blister - Rockin' the whole damn night.

Need directions? 

Click here

Need orgasms?  

Click here 

Blister

Not the BRO code

I've got no stories yet and I have finally gotten the complete BRO CODE..but this is NOT it..

The (now UNOFFICIAL) Chick Code

1) A chick shall not sleep with another chick’s ex-boyfriend unless the other chic does so first.

2) A chick never pays for anything. Ever!!

3) A chick shall never support another chick, whatever the reason maybe!!

4) If a chick asks another chick to keep a secret, then… Are you kidding!! In the entire history of humankind, chicks have never been able to keep a secret!! Ever!!

5) The favorite color of all chicks shall always be pink. And none other than pink.

6) If two chicks get into a fight, they shall make catty remarks and pretend to ignore each other rather than simply stripping down and wrestling it out.

7) If a chick hears a chick empowerment song like “I Will Survive”, she shall stop whatever she is doing, grab another chick’s hand and shriek the lyrics at the top of her lungs.

8) If the TV is showing the movie “My Best Friend’s Wedding” or “Sex in the City”, the chick has to leave whatever she is doing and watch the movie till the very end. No matter how many times she has seen it. 

 Corollary: A chick will quickly find some work in the kitchen or somewhere else if her boyfriend is watching the movie “Die Hard” or “300”.

9) A chick may get a dog as a pet but only if it fits in her mailbox.

10) If two chicks are wearing a same outfit, each retains the right to accidentally spill a drink on the other.

11) A chick shall not operate a motor vehicle in a safe manner. 

 Corollary: If a chick does operate a motor vehicle, she will at least hit someone.

 

A chic driving My chic driving

12) A chick shall never use the side mirror for applying lipstick while driving the car. It is extremely dangerous since it messes up the hair!!

13) A chick has a free pass to slut it up on Halloween.

 

14) A chick shall always say “Oww.. Sooo cute!!” at the sight of a baby or a kitten or a puppy or a man with a cute baby or a man with a cute puppy.

15) A chick shall never leave the house without putting on make-up first, even if the house is on fire. 

Corollary: A chick shall never go to sleep without putting on make-up first. 

Corollary: If a chick is on a date, she shall find some excuse to use the restroom at least three times in order to check the make-up.

16) A chick shall always demonstrate an absolute lack of common sense. Especially, if she is really hot!!

 

Bro Code cumming soon

Imagine This

The Ultimate Rejection:

Your hand falling asleep while masturbating

Oh The Internet

Just some random pictures I found through the net

Gets you thinking about rape, huh?

Happy Redneck Burfday!

Smart

I wish!

My hobby

Who in the world would buy this piece of shit?

Try explaining this to me..I mean really..please..

What If?

I just hope laws like this never make it in our country.


The only thing that the Jabatan Hasil Dalam Negeri has not yet taxed is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemlpoyed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts.

Effective January 1st, 2009 your penis will be taxed according to size.

The brackets are as follows:

10"- 12" Luxury Tax..........$30.00

8"- 10" Pole Tax.............$25.00

5"- 8" Privilege Tax.........$15.00

4"- 5" Nuisance Tax..........$3.00

Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains. Anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund. PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!!!

Sincerely,
Pecker Checker
Jabatan Hasil Dalam Negeri

*****NOTE*****

We are still waiting for answers for the following questions:- Are there penalties for early withdrawals? - What if one's penis is self employed? - Do multiple partners count as a corporation? - Are condoms a deductible expense as work clothes? - Is there an additional tax if you are not circumcised?

Fill This Up

Name:______________________________
SOCIAL SECURITYNo:____________________
ADDRESS:___________________________
CITY:__________________________________
STAFF ELEMENT:_____________________
MALE:___________ FEMALE:___________
HOME PHONENo.:________________________
OFFICE PHONENo.:______________________
SEXUAL PREFERENCE:
Male - Female
Female - Female
Male - Male
All of the Above
None of the Above - Please Specify:_____________________

I CONSENT TO THE FOLLOWING FORMS OF SEXUAL HARRASSMENT:

Salutatory Greeting: _____________________
Eye-to-Eye Contact: ______________________
Eye-to-Bust Contatct: ____________________
Eye-to-Below Waist Contact: ______________
Heavy breathing on neck: _________________
ear: _________________
other: _________________
Hands on body: ________________________
shoulder: ________________________
waist: ________________________
Gluteus Maximus: ________________
other: __________________________

Feelies: _________________________________
Gropies: _________________________________
Penetration (however slight): ____________
Other: ___________________________________

All of the Above: ________________________

MISCELLANEOUS: I WILL I WILL NOT
1. Assist in procurement of various potions, lotions, products,appliances, etc. to be used during sexual harassment.
2. Assist in procurement and maintenance of various types of substaining apparatus.3. Clean up.

I CERTIFY THAT I WILL ACCEPT SEXUAL HARASSMENT FROM:
Anyone: __________________________________
Anyone But: _______________________________
Only: ____________________________________

SIGNATURE: _______________________________________ DATE:____________________


This form is to be reviewed by immediate supervisor annually, prior toperformance rating and evaluation.

REAL Milestones in a Man's Life - 100% Ori

Age 2
Being able to stand up and walk

Age 5
Washing/wiping own ass

Age 7
Going to school

Age 8
Learning to lie

Age 9
Using a pen to REALLY write

Age 11
Getting the tingly sensation from pulling the foreskin back more than 3times

Age 75
Actually remembering the tingly sensation

Sex Quotes

*blush

1. "It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
Joan Rivers

2. "If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all."
Rodney Dangerfield

3. "Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy."
Steve Martin.

4. "My girlfriend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'."
Emo Philips.

5. "When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better."
Mae West.

6. "What's wrong with a little incest? It's both handy and cheap."
James Agate

7. "I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though."
Elton John.

8. "My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects."
Les Dawson

9. "I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
Woody Allen

10. "A terrible thing happened to me last night again - Nothing."
Phyllis Diller

11. "The Love Bird is 100% faithful to his mate, as long as they are locked together in the same cage."
Will Cuppy

12. "Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night."
Woody Allen

13. "My best birth control now is to leave the lights on."
Joan Rivers

14. "It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on."
Marylyn Munroe.

15. "Oh Lord, give me chastity, but do not give it yet."
St Augustine

16. "The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin."
Honore de Balzac

17. "My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty."
Woody Allen

18. "Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure."
Bob Hope

19. "I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women."
Bernard Manning.

20. "I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds."
Joan Rivers

21. "I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls."
Groucho Marx

22. "She said he proposed something on their wedding night that even her own brother wouldn't have suggested."
James Thurber

23. "My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often."
Emo Philips.

24. "It is impossible to obtain a conviction for sodomy from an English jury. Half of them don't believe that it can physically be done, and the other half is doing it."
Winston Churchill

25. "You know of course that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery, are now extinct."
Somerset Maugham

Rules for Bedroom Golf

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club
and two balls.


2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.


3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep
the balls out of the hole.


4. For most effective play, the club should be a firm shaft. Course
owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.


5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid
damage to the hole.


6. The object of this game is to take as many strokes as necessary until
the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete.
Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the
course again.


7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon
arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to
admire the entire course, with special attention to well-formed bunkers.


8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or
are playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course
owners have been known to damage players' equipment for this reason.


9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.


10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been scheduled,
particularly when a new course is being played for the first time.
Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover
someone else playing on what they consider to be a private course.