Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

Here are some two sentence stories from my not-so-big brain (except for one brilliant piece by Godop). If you want to add on...please do:

Dream Man

She killed the man of her dreams. She then wondered if he'd still be dead when she awakens.

Two Men I
by Godop

Two men facing each other in a train coach, one asked the other,

"Do you believe in ghosts?"

"No," he chuckled, then vanished.

Two Men II

Sadness overcame the first man. He lamented to no one but himself,

"Why am I only visible to people who believe."

Rejected Calls

For the past two hours I've been rejecting tonnes of calls from her and then she sends a text,

"I'll be waiting for you at home."

I was at her funeral.

Best Friends

Although we've grown apart, Tommy and I were best friends since we were boys. It must hard for him to talk to me now ever since his mother convinced him I don't exist.

My Son

My six-year old son James was always fascinated to see how things work by taking them apart.

His sister's dolls, his race cars, his brother's guitars and now I'm digging a hole in the backyard to hide our neighbour's kids.

My Wife's Headache

Even though she has this constant pain at the side of her head, my wife never fails to provide me three meals a day and a kiss on the cheek before I leave for work.

How am I going to tell her that she's been dead for two years and headache is because I smashed her head in with my sledgehammer one drunken night.



Staying Alive

The moment I saw my limp body on the operating table, I knew the pills worked. The only problem is there was this horned man coming in my body and the heart monitor started beeping again.



Beautiful Eyes

Ever since he was a boy, he had an undying passion for a woman's beautiful eyes. Now on his deathbed, he insists that his collection of 300 pairs of eyes be buried with him.

I wish all of you the worst of nightmares and hope Freddie pays all of you a visit..

Have fun! 

Goal Celebrations and Its Importance

I'm back..again after a 13 month absence for Allah God knows how long this time before I become lazy again and in my escape from blogging I had gone thru many changes.

One of em changes I've noticed is my confidence in playing football or futsal. Now I try to play them at least three times a week and I'm loving it even though I still sustain a few injuries here and there.

Speaking of confidence, I have found my new lease on writing here thanks to a famous editor. Thanks EJL. :)

Back to sports.

I believe that the single most important entity in sports are the celebrations especially in football!

Be it a Cup Final or even a Wednesday evening kick about with friends. A goal has to be celebrated.

Here're a few ways goals are celebrated.

1. Mobbed

This is when you run aimlessly around the field, most probably with and arm or two in the air. Leaving a host of team mates chasing you and a few others coming from the front to hug you or tackle you to the ground.

This usually happens when a defender or someone very unlikely to score, scores.






2. Flips

Please only try these if you are like a fiddle..FIT!

You can show off your tremendous athletic ability by flipping front, side or back. I hate the guy but I've gotta admit that Nani has one of the better flip celebrations to date.

Video? NO!


3. Iconic

Iconic celebrations have become a trademark to a player and do it frequently other people will name the celebration after you.

Take a look at Shearer's or Sturridge's celebrations. They do it so often and consistant that the celebrations have been named after them. Also take a look at Roger Milla's dancing at the corner flag routine

Copying is fine but you'd most probably want to have a move of your own.


4. Team celebrations

Here's when after the final instructions of the coach during training that a few of you lads should stay back and work on a few routines.

They can be as simple as putting your shirt at the corner-flag and you and your team mates dance around it ala Bouba Diop at France 1998. You might risk a yellow card for this though.





Or..

...as intricate, well-choreographed and entertaining as this team from Iceland. Stjarnan FC. My personal favourite celebrations.

Check it:





So, you'd probably wonder why I took so much time showing types goal celebrations.

Here's why:

Top 3 Reasons to Celebrate a Goal

3. Appreciation of fine craftsmanship

Although a goal in theory, is as easy as taking a piss on your nasty neighbour's porch from the outside of their gate.

Pissing on the gate:

Step 1: Whip out dong
Step 2: Piss

Scoring a goal:

Step 1: Receive ball
Step 2: Score

We all know that it isn't all that simple...and I'm not even going to mention timing, positioning and to look if the neighbours are watching of course the involvement of your team mates.

In all honesty, a goal is a supreme end product of extensive fitness and tactical training coupled with a dash of intuitiveness and a splice of creativity which is held by the science of working together with 10 other people to beat 11 other men who have gone through the exact same thing.

Therefore, a celebration is not only necessary; I believe it is obligatory!




2. To fuck with the other team

It's a messed up feeling which is able to break the spirits of weaker men.

You are in the game and your whole team's formation is like the wall which Destiny Hope Cyrus hits while sitting naked on a wrecking ball, your 'keeper holds the ball as if he spread butter on his gloves instead of his toast and the other team scores. 

Your team mates hang their heads like there's an invisible noose attached around their necks. You know you'll need to score not one but at least two goals to win. 

And to top that off, a few fellas from the other side are either fishing (see Stjarnan FC video) from the edge of your penalty box or piled on top of the goalscorer in a scene matched only by hyenas devouring a zebra on Nat Geo. 

I'm sure at this moment, you'd rather be the fish or the zebra.

Loosely translated: You've already fallen, now the staircase falls on you.



1. Because you can!

Simple!

Have you seen the team who have just conceded a goal celebrate?

In the words of Beyonce Z: 

"If you got it; flaunt it!"

Now, go on and practice your celebrations. Just be mindful not to end up like these:

Word of the Day: Refulgent

Before I do this, let me assure you, I'm not gonna do this every day.. Only when I find interesting words..


So

WORD
refulgent (adjective): [ri-FUHL-junt]


MEANING
Shining brilliantly

ETYMOLOGY

From Latin refulgere (to radiate light, to reflect), from re- (back) + fulgere (to shine). Earliest documented use: before 1500.

USAGE

"Michael slowly walked into the water yesterday, his board tucked under his arm and his sun-kissed blond hair refulgent even in the dull light."
Mark Bode; Surf Tribute Farewells a Great Dad; The Sunshine Coast Daily (Maroochydore, Australia); May 9, 2011


NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH
The way Edward Cullen shines


Living for centuries as a pedophile vampire, Edward sits silently at the window, pants down to his ankles with the tremendous urge to jack off as he watches Bella sleep soundly into the night. Knowing that he is indeed a vampire that doesn't breathe, has no heartbeat and the blood doesn't flow in his veins, he couldn't muster a simple erection. But Edward is not the type to give up; he tried for hours!

With this realisation and the uprising sun, he flees the room in panic and as the rays of the sun catches his legs, there was a shine coming from his skin. Seeing that how Edward isn't that brilliant, that shine wasn't a refulgent one.

How Hari Raya is manipulated!

Hi..Selamat Hari Raya and Happy Merdeka (really?) 


So, I'm back to take a swipe at another festive time of the year as I've done with Chinese Christmas and Chinese New Year earlier this year. 


Honestly, I'm only doing this for two reasons: so I don't seem like a racist bastard by not posting about Raya (Chinese people have gone all sensitive after the 8TV thingy) and because I like doing stuff like this.

The Anti-Thrill of Hari Raya

When I was little, my classmates will tell me stories of how they'd gather round the TV before Hari Raya and Puasa just to listen to some old man announce the date. This old man is the Keeper of the Royal Seal or Pemegang Cop Mohor Raja-Raja Melayu. We shall now refer to him as Pak Cik.


As I grew older, I too began watching because I have Muslim relatives to visit and more importantly Raya means HOLIDAY!


So I began to notice how Pak Cik's announcements always fall on the same day as the calender and I honestly thought that Pak Cik was like a soothsayer (of course at 9, I did not use that word) until one day after having my awesome Lorong Char Siew Rice, my mum and I were in a goldsmith. 

3rd from right: My 9-year-old self and my oldest friends in the world

The thing about any goldsmith on Jalan Bunga Raya is when you sit there, they'd give you a boxed drink, usually wintermelon tea (UGHH) and when you buy stuff, they somehow will always give you another gift. 


This time it was next year's calender. The kind where the paper is thin and there are horses printed on every Saturday, Sunday and Wednesday. The kind where there'll be 11 pictures of animals and a Chinese character   at the bottom where you can associate your birth year and see if you were born a bitch, swine or 10 other animals.


I flipped the pages, looking to see how awesome Miss July was and I kept on looking till I saw the dates for next year's Hari Raya. Boy, was I pissed. I was thinking they were sure gonna piss Pak Cik off when he sees this. 


In a fit of rage I complained to my mom, demanding her to write for me a letter to Pak Cik to alert him of this conspiracy of the World Chinese Calender Makers Association (Malaysia). She refused. I think she feared for our safety. If you've watched Young & Dangerous, you'd be scared too.


Let's get some things straight here: I can write on my own, but in children's writing. I doubt that Pak Cik would take my theories of conspiracy seriously if I sent him the letter and the WCCMA(M) is a very secret organisation that even Google doesn't have any record of their existence.


As the years rolled on, my belief in Pak Cik's powers faded in the same manner when we realised things we believed in like Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and Democracy were indeed just stories made up to help us sleep at night.


This year however, with the WCCMA(M) announcing Hari Raya on the 30th while Puasa started on the 1st, I thought there was a glitch in the system, a calculation error. 


I waited for Pak Cik to announce the date and make the WCCMA(M) look like assholes. I was getting more nervous as the seconds drew closer. My heart was racing. Sweat dripping into my socks and out of a sudden it was a deathly cold embrace that I felt as Pak Cik concurred with my sworn enemies. Was he afraid to go against them too? Or was he on their payroll?


Here is my call to you out there: Help me regain Pak Cik's honour!


This is how it's going to work:

1. We raise RM 200,000.00
2. We meet the WCCMA(M) with Pak Cik
3. We pay off the WCCMA(M) 
4. We insist that they mess up their announcement of Hari Raya
5. Pak Cik announces the correct date
6. We win!


Nevermind that the last minute change will cause chaos and massive traffic overcrowding as well as dysfunctions of corporate and manufacturing establishments. We'll have Hari Raya that's not predicted by the WCCMA(M) and Pak Cik will again be the nation's most reliable source for Hari Raya..


Till next time!  

Five Ways to become a HARIMAU

Seeing that it is about 26 hours till kick-off at the National Stadium between bitter rivals Malaysia and Singapore for a ticket to the World Cup Qualifiers, I've decided to let you in on a few ways to get you in the mood.

How to prepare for a Harimau Malaya (Malayan Tigers) game?


1. Secure Entry


Make sure that if you aren't as Lucky as Ramon and Mario, you get your tickets early! Don't go around like a fucking hooker on crack trying to ask everyone, anyone and anywhere..including Twitter for tickets the moment the word is mentioned.

So, I bought tickets for 9pm..

Dei, the match is at 8.30pm! You better go early..and you got how many tickets, hor? Got extra ke?

The tickets...Captain America la!

Memang Douchebag la lu, bro!




2. Energize


Remember that games kicking off at 8.45pm can end at midnight. So, make sure you have enough water, food, rest, etc to sustain your energy levels.


Frankly speaking, cheering is almost as tiring as playing the damn sport because when we cheer, often or not our levels will peak in direct retaliation to what's happening on the field - be it a wrong offside call, a Jewish lad kicking the ball..or even dismal performances by our own lads. Therefore, the more often things happen, the more you peak in excitement and you get tired..




3. Seat Right


Generally, there are a few sections when it comes to seating at a stadium.


VIP Boxes
Here's where politicians and big names watch the games. It's believed that within the tinted glasses is a room where you can indulge to your heart's desire.


There even was a rumour that there were strippers, cocaine and midget whores inside a Manchester United - Cardiff or something game.


Grand Stand
This is where rich folks pay more to see the same game from the same distance as the Rakyat Jelata from the other side.


Usually occupied by kids who were bullied in school and think they are cool now.


Home Seats
The whole stadium except the top corner of the stadium and a few more rows


Ultras Malaya
Look out for people at top corners of the stands usually singing and drumming..sometimes dancing and most importantly cheering.


They'll most probably be wearing black tees with yellow scarfs held high









Away Seats
Whatever's left. Possibly 3 rows in some corner with a fucked up view.


For this occasion, look out for an awkward looking group dressed in either red and white (Singapore, not Indonesia) or Blue.






4. Get in the ZONE


To get in the zone, you'd need to prepare your mind and body for the experience. Here's the simplest way to shift to a football fan mindset:

I know the beer is Singaporean but the name is Malaysian but 6 of this, you'll be massive!

If you can't drink, Tiger biscuits also counts!




5. Lose Your Voice


Shout, scream, sing...tell the referee what a cunt he is, taunt the away fans. Go ahead! Don't just sit quietly, you have bloody libraries for that!


Here are a few songs and chants that might help you out tomorrow:


Negaraku


Inilah Barisan Kita

How it is



How it should be sung




Malaysia Chant






So, see you tomorrow in Black and Yellow!

Why I wasn't CLEAN today

So this post Bersih aftermath has opened my eyes to a few things. But before that, let's get things straight. I, without regret did not participate in the rally that took place this afternoon for reasons I shall reveal in a bit.

First and foremost, Kudos to my fellow Malaysians who stood up against all possible odds for something they believe in. That doesn't mean I don't support the movement, it's the rally that I'm not head over hills over.

I believe that their fight is fucken spot on, but I do feel since their cause garnered support from big name politicians such as Anwar and Nurul Izzah, one feels that if people in power such as themselves are hooked on the agenda, they should, could and would have fought hard since Bersih was first incepted.

The politicians that were with this cause since 2007 could have used the Parliament as the platform since they've taken office, to continue where Bersih 1 left off and brought fresher fights to today's cause.

The opposition has held a stronger hold in the Dewan Rakyat and also controlled states such as Selangor and Penang since 2008. Granted the fact that Penang has remarkably prospered, I feel that this rally should have been a follow up for whatever that has been fought for and not yet been achieved not wait three and a half years to do rekindle what some might call a lost cause.

Admitably, the government's reaction would be very different if this was fought politically but when you come to think of it, the police roadblocks, blacklists and unwarranted arrests would still be there no matter what. Hence, the general sentiment is: a proper separation of doctrines should be imposed in various public sectors such as the EC and MACC among others.

Sectors like this should be free of political influences whatsoever, especially the media, mainstream or not. The media has the right, no fuck that, they have the responsibility to report only the truth. Don't ask me how do we preserve that, I haven't thought about it that far ahead. Just call me an idealist for now.

On another note, I feel that this rally is to take away the spotlight from Anwar's buttsex/sex scandal. It has been done before on both sides of the political divide. Let's not forget the Indian judge and Mongolian model fiasco.

Finally on a more somber note, let's not look at this as an American song, but the sentiment behind the song which was used to express gratitude for servicemen who has fought for their country. This song is dedicated to Baharuddin Ahmad who fell during the rally this afternoon. May your life be for the greater good, whatever that might be.

Freedom isn't free - Trey Parker

What would you do

If you were asked to give up your dreams for freedom?

What would you do

If asked to make the ultimate sacrifice?

Would you think about all them people

Who gave up everything they had?

Would you think about all them War Vets

And would you start to feel bad?

Freedom isn't free

It costs folks like you and me

And if we don't all chip in

We'll never pay that bill

Freedom isn't free

No, there's a hefty in' fee.

And if you don't throw in your buck 'o five

Who will?

What would you do

If someone told you to fight for freedom?

Would you answer the call

Or run away like a little?

'Cause the only reason that you're here

Is 'cause folks died for you in the past

So maybe now it's your turn

To die kicking some ass

Let's just hope we'll stand united when equality is demanded

Bend it like Reina

With modern football being somewhat of a fashion statement nowadays...all of the men boys I know have or still are idolizing some football star.

Walk down Drive to your nearby playground and you'll see kids dressed in the same manner their stars dress..from their kits to socks..even the laces on their boots mirror football players.

Here's where it gets interesting..their hairstyles.

Over the years..many people have been copying Beckham or even than Portuguese Prancing Pony Ronaldo..even Edgar Davids and Fellaini hair had followers

Edgar Davids' Predator look

Fellaini..I swear I play fustal with someone that looks like him

Confession: As a boy..I too had dreams of donning hairstyles like these people above. Sadly tho..the way my head is evolving, my only hope is to have hairstyles like Raul Meireles, Gary McAllister or Pepe Reina

Meireles

 

 

 

 

McAllister

Reina

 

 

As you can see..all of us share the same trait..baldness Liverpool FC.

YNWA!

Speaking of football...

Today's Lesson  

Football is not the gayish game Americans play with pads and helmets. 

Football is 22 men running around a field trying to get a ball into a net while Howard Webb one Jackass blows a whistle and two others play with flags while another holds up certain numbers on a board from time to time.

The Americans play: Gay Rugby

She can play on my team...anytime XD

Today's Lesson

I learned from YouTube....

I'll NEVER...

...SCARE A BLACK MAN

...HONK AT OLD PEOPLE

TTFN...
*hugs

Friday Nite LIVE

Seeing as how Blister will be rockin' it at Backyard this Friday (December 3, 2010) from 9.30pm til LATE

I've decided to pen type a few words to help YOU get accustomed to the ALL NEW Backyard's MOSH PIT!

Speaking on Mosh Pits, I've seen/been in a few 'Major 'Pits' me-self..

*Blast Off, KL, 2004

*MTV World Stage, KL, 2009

*Slash Live in KL, 2010

*The SHOUT! Awards, KL, 2010

The ONE thing all of these have in common is: Malaysians have no MOSH PIT ETIQUETTE!

So here's:

THE RULES OF THE MOSH PIT


The FIRST RULE of FIGHT CLUB the MOSH PIT is: You do not talk about FIGHT CLUB the MOSH PIT (Sorry, I got carried away)

#1 Dress Appropriately
Observe comfortable but ROCK-ish clothing at all times. 

DO NOT mosh over-aggressively with your stupid-assed-metal-clad boots and chains and spikes coming out from all the wrong places. You'll just hurt someone physically not emotionally because they see how retarded you look. 

Spiked hair is still good in my book as long as it doesn't belong to a TOTAL DOUCHE!

On the other hand, if you come to a mosh pit dressed in a suit or some preppy looking kid like Fred from Scobby-Doo or anyone from the Archie series, prepare to get taunted and ridiculed so hard, droplets of shit might fall from your eyes.

Fred Jones

Dressing up like Shaggy however, is acceptable.


#2 NO fists...NO elbows!
Nobody likes a DOUCHE throwing his/her elbows/fists into another person's rib,face, scrotum, etc. If you had a fist or two come your way, you'd probably deserve it from not paying attention to the Pit and texting another DOUCHE: 

OMFG...dis band ttly rox! XD I wish dese morons'd stp jumpin so fucken much..so annoyin! :/

If you really can't take it anymore, just pinch 'em around the inner arm. I guarantee that they will feel the pain..even though he/she has had her eyes tattooed.


#3 NO Phones/Cameras/Cameraphones
Fact: Unless the BAND asked you to record a clip, don't do it.

You are in the (mosh) pit for a reason: fully experience the energy and music thru' bouncing your bodies in a safe yet aggressive manner..

So, don't bother carrying your sweat drenched (arm)pits in the air, trying to record the WHOLE concert and at the same time getting pissed off at the few people who are trying to mosh, hence ruining your shots..because if you are the tool that's doing just that, LET LOOSE BRAH! 

You already are probably stuck in a crappy DAY job..leave the stick in the office man..put it back in your ass tomorrow..LIVE a little. What are you gonna do with the clip anyways? Boast to your equally lame friends that you were there? Put up a video on Youtube?


#4 YES to deodorant
Maths: You + 60 minutes waiting in line + 150 minutes in the Mosh Pit = SMELLY!

Just be kind to all of us..slap on some deodorant, splash a little perfume..C'mon, is that so hard to ask?


#5 Don't be a cheap-thrill..desperate guy..
Don't go round molesting people..it's not cool.
What's even more uncool-er? 
You going around looking to be molested.


Sad to say, but I've seen a few blokes dressed up tranny-like, looking ugly and shit and go around rubbing themselves over other guys. HELLS NO!


My advice to these kinda PERVS: Try crowd-surfing. That way you'll be groped and grabbed all over.

Oh and crowd-surfing starts from front to back..do it the other way and I can guarantee you..YOU WILL BE DROPPED!

 I know my shit!

Anyhoo..this is a CALL to all Rockers and Rollers to come down to Backyard Pub, TRUST ME..the pub has great atmosphere, reasonable prices, and us, Blister - Rockin' the whole damn night.

Need directions? 

Click here

Need orgasms?  

Click here 

Blister

Not the BRO code

I've got no stories yet and I have finally gotten the complete BRO CODE..but this is NOT it..

The (now UNOFFICIAL) Chick Code

1) A chick shall not sleep with another chick’s ex-boyfriend unless the other chic does so first.

2) A chick never pays for anything. Ever!!

3) A chick shall never support another chick, whatever the reason maybe!!

4) If a chick asks another chick to keep a secret, then… Are you kidding!! In the entire history of humankind, chicks have never been able to keep a secret!! Ever!!

5) The favorite color of all chicks shall always be pink. And none other than pink.

6) If two chicks get into a fight, they shall make catty remarks and pretend to ignore each other rather than simply stripping down and wrestling it out.

7) If a chick hears a chick empowerment song like “I Will Survive”, she shall stop whatever she is doing, grab another chick’s hand and shriek the lyrics at the top of her lungs.

8) If the TV is showing the movie “My Best Friend’s Wedding” or “Sex in the City”, the chick has to leave whatever she is doing and watch the movie till the very end. No matter how many times she has seen it. 

 Corollary: A chick will quickly find some work in the kitchen or somewhere else if her boyfriend is watching the movie “Die Hard” or “300”.

9) A chick may get a dog as a pet but only if it fits in her mailbox.

10) If two chicks are wearing a same outfit, each retains the right to accidentally spill a drink on the other.

11) A chick shall not operate a motor vehicle in a safe manner. 

 Corollary: If a chick does operate a motor vehicle, she will at least hit someone.

 

A chic driving My chic driving

12) A chick shall never use the side mirror for applying lipstick while driving the car. It is extremely dangerous since it messes up the hair!!

13) A chick has a free pass to slut it up on Halloween.

 

14) A chick shall always say “Oww.. Sooo cute!!” at the sight of a baby or a kitten or a puppy or a man with a cute baby or a man with a cute puppy.

15) A chick shall never leave the house without putting on make-up first, even if the house is on fire. 

Corollary: A chick shall never go to sleep without putting on make-up first. 

Corollary: If a chick is on a date, she shall find some excuse to use the restroom at least three times in order to check the make-up.

16) A chick shall always demonstrate an absolute lack of common sense. Especially, if she is really hot!!

 

Bro Code cumming soon

JEFF 101: An Introduction to Jeff

Education time 

I see a lot of people using the term JEFF rather freely nowadays and some of them really do not have the class while using it.

JEFF is not an ordinary word

JEFF can't be thrown around for FUN

So, I've taken (my company's) time to teach you a little on JEFF

JEFF 


JEFF is an English word that is generally considered profane which, in its most literal meaning, refers to the act of sexual intercourse. However, by extension it may be used to negatively characterize anything that can be dismissed, disdained, defiled, or destroyed.

"JEFF" can be used as a verb, adverb, adjective, command, interjection, noun, and can logically be used as virtually any word in a sentence (e.g., "JEFF the JEFFing JEFFers").

Moreover, it is one of the few words in the English language which could be applied as an infix (e.g., "Am I sexy? AbsoJEFFinglutely!"; "BullJEFFingshit!").

It has various metaphorical meanings.

The verb "to be JEFFed" can mean "to be cheated" (e.g., "I got JEFFed by a scam artist"), or alternatively, to be sexually penetrated.

As a noun "a JEFF" or "a JEFFer" may describe a contemptible person. "A JEFF" may mean an act of copulation. The word can be used as an interjection, and its participle is sometimes used as a strong emphatic.

The verb to JEFF may be used transitively or intransitively, and it appears in compounds, including JEFF off, JEFF up, "JEFF you", and JEFF with. In less explicit usages (but still regarded as vulgar), JEFF or JEFF with can mean to mess around, or to deal with unfairly or harshly. In a phrase such as "don't give a JEFF", the word is the equivalent of "damn", in the sense of something having little value. In "what the JEFF!", it serves merely as an intensive. If something is very abnormal or annoying "this is JEFFed up!" may be said.

Other fun facts about JEFF:

JEFF is the brain-child of Ramon

JEFF is a short for the drug Jeffrey



  JEFF is also the name of this person:

Add him/her on Facebook here


To all who are really named JEFF, it's OK, it's not YOUR fault you were named JEFF. It's not too late to get it changed...LEGALLY!

There's NO shit on Mondays

As busy as I am at the new job, I've been observing the terms: Shit has Hit the Fan and I Hate Mondays quite closely and I've decided to once again put my GENIUS to great use and ANALise the term and how it works at a TYPICAL week in the office and have concluded that:

Mondays are cool 

I <3 Mondays!

I'm SCARED of THURSDAYS!

Data Presentation:

After WEEKS and WEEKS of taking samples from my office and 2 other offices, I've come up with this chart

 Which naturally translates to this GRAPH:

As you can see, Shit hits YOU at 0.7 (70%) or at 6.3 hours* on a Thursday which is at about 3.18pm!* 

With that, I leave YOU afraid of Thursdays and hopefully be more like me, with a BRAND NEW appreciation for Mondays!

I might be wrong, but YOU are most definitely not right

*Calculations based on a 9.00am-6.00pm, 9-hour (8 work hours + 1 lunch hour) working day; tea time, overtime and cigarette breaks not included; batteries sold separately

Tantalizing Final waits Akak FC

Outside favourites Akak FC is one match away from winning the first ever Vuvuzela Cup after a hard fought semi-final match against Raju’s 7 FC.

Rated 146/1 to win the Cup, Akak FC didn’t look at all strong on paper as the manager named a totally make-shift side as most of their superstars are still involved in the World Cup.

The side started without a recognized goalie and midfield hard-man, Joel Black started between the posts. In front of him was Edward James who was unfortunate not to be called up to the Timor Leste World Cup squad as Darian Henry who has imposed a self-exile from the Uzbekistan international squad played right in front of the much improved James.

Timothy ‘Small’ Fernandez spearheaded the attack while on-loan John provided the creative spark in midfield. The five were chosen ahead of brothers Ramon and Mario Singho as well as Jude Alexander who is still not fit to play a full game.

The underdogs took the lead with two quick goals – one stunning individual effort from John while Small reminded his critics on why he is still regarded as the best goal-poacher of his generation.

Mid-game, the manager threw in surprise changes putting Darian in goal and took off Small, Edward and Joel for the introduction of the Singhos and Jude.

Lacking match fitness and playing in an unfamiliar position saw Jude and Darian let in 7 goals as Raju’s 7 FC took the lead for the first time.

Small came in for John and Joel for Jude saw Akak FC recollected themselves and reclaimed the lead through neat passing and clinical finishing.

Akak FC and Raju’s & FC continued to make changes and goals were just coming in for both sides. At the final whistle, Akak FC won the game 21-14.

Underdog tag did wonders

Speaking to the press after the game, Jude noted that going in as underdogs helped ease the pressure to win the game.

“I like the fact that we were given the underdog tags. It helped us focus on the game at hand,” said the full back adding, “When you look at the scoreboard at the final whistle, and you’ve realized you’ve won when the whole world expect you not to win, its an empowering feeling.”

Edward, who has just come back from holiday, on the other hand was more critical of the performance himself although he praised the team for their showing.

“For a while, I was lost, their attackers read my game and I found it hard to cope. I asked to be substituted. On the bench, I watched our opponents carefully and took mental notes so when I came back on the pitch, I was ready for them.

“I’ve got to be honest, we didn’t field our strongest side but the boys really showed what we are made of,” he said while waving to fans.

Ramon, the elder of the Singho brothers believed that Akak took their chances well and the team played well as a unit.

Selection woes as World Cup, injuries and fatigue takes toll on team

Akak FC might be facing a selection crisis as a large number of their players are still not training for various reasons.

Zachary de Costa has been the latest inductee to the injured list when he failed a last minute fitness test. The winger who has been complaining of a strain to his back is expected to be back in training in a few days while club skipper Rueben James is still nursing a hamstring injury.

Several stars including Marshall Francis and Timothy ‘Pato’ Chase are experiencing jetlag after their country; Mongolia was unfortunately eliminated by Austria in a nail-biting quarter-final match which saw the European side go through to the semis after winning the match via penalty kicks.

The Nepalese squad including Shaun Sandhu whom were also eliminated are held up in Cambodia after boarding the wrong plane from South Africa. To make matters worse, their vuvuzelas which the team brought back from the tournament have been confiscated by the Cambodian authorities as the device is said to be a new variation of transporting cocaine. The customs now risk the wrath of Sandhu.

In other news, Kaka, Gab, JJ, Ethan, Terrance and Colin (Trinidad & Tobago), Shwank and Surya Rao along with Francois (Pakistan) will face each other on Thursday evening’s World Cup semi-final match.

The fans however are optimistic that Aaron Mong will return to the squad sooner than expected as there are rumours of Mong experimenting physiotherapy and traditional massages to speed up his recovery from the knee surgery. Also, full-back cum goalie JaQuah who is on loan to Genting is expected to return for a week while Trevor James has taken up coaching and herbal sciences to help boost the team's work rate.

Another matter that is bound to anger the under-pressured manager is striker Anslem ‘Ratatouille’ Gomis’ excuse for missing the game against Raju’s 7 FC. The feisty striker claims he missed the train to the stadium.

Cursed?

Have you abstained from buying pirated DVDs lately, like a teenager trying not to wank on Christmas morning and gone out to watch a movie (hell...any bloody movie. Pedophile vampires that sparkle, perhaps? Or Tin Man from Wizard of Oz's lean mean cousin fighting to save the world?)

Well, if you haven't (you cheapskate dick), go watch one before it's too late, but if you have, you'll notice a certain Nike ad.

In the ad, there are football stars playing in the World Cup (without the awesome vuvuzelas) running and jumping and kicking but whats more important is the split second before they make their next destiny altering move, their lives flash in front of them and by far Wayne 'Shrek' Rooney's is the funniest.

Anyhoo, the advert showed them achieving major success after the World Cup. Now, lets flip the back pages of the biased newspapers.

It seems that all the players highlighted in the ad are no longer in the World Cup and I know that this is pure coincidence, but isn't it fun building conspiracy theories about the sort of hoodoo Adidas cast upon the superstars of Nike right?

Anyhoo,

For all the cheapskate dicks, here's the ad..in HD..NOT!

Drogba, Canavarro, Rooney, Ribery, Ronaldinho, Ronaldo

Oh..Ronaldinho didn't even make the squad.

Team Updates

In a surprise turn of events, star goalkeeper Sushil ‘Murugesu’ Nair (Mon) has rejected a four year contract offer and handed a transfer request to the club in the middle of a tremendous season at the PJ based club.

Announcing his intentions after an empathic victory last Thursday, Mon admitted that although his departure is at the crucial time of the season, his exit is inevitable although he hinted at a possible return to the club.

I know it’s not the best time to leave the team but it’s a very hard decision but we’ll never know, I might end my career here or somewhere else,” said Mon.

A source close to the club has revealed various reasons sparking Mon’s departure. Among them is the on-field bickering with hot-cold forward, Shaun Sandhu who is allegedly unhappy with Mon’s distribution of the ball.

Another possible reason for his departure is said to be the backlash of a prank gone wrong by senior marketing manager, Trevor James.

According a personal friend of the ‘keeper, James had promised an endorsed pair of gloves and only found out of the prank moments before the match, where the team suffered their worst lost of the season, a 22-14 drubbing.

Mon’s final game for the club will be against a mystery side tomorrow where a win would put the club in strong contention for their first title after a mixed last season, seeing them missing out for a place in the continent’s elite competition.

Club president, Jude Alexander has played down suggestions of unrest in the dressing room saying that the club has come a long way and will be able to cope despite the departure of Mon.

“The team is playing well and we’ve finally got a good flow of things. We have turned ourselves into strong title contenders,” said the president before adding, “Mon will be greatly missed but I feel we have enough cover. He’s a great player and we wish him all the best at his new club.”

Trevor James looks set to return in between the sticks next week where he made a name for himself last season and parts of this season after a shock withdrawal from Monday’s training session. He had difficulty breathing and had gone to receive treatment.

In his last match, Mon will have the familiar back three of Jude Alexander, Colin Sta Maria and Joshua Gerard in front of him while the midfield looks rich with Kaka and Zach “Bulls” de Costa anchoring leaving Shaun Sandhu and Trevor James roaming the flanks. Timothy “Smalls” Fernandez will be spearheading the attack with club captain Rueben Moissinac supporting him.

Shwanky should be able to make the bench alongside brothers Ramon and Mario Singho among a host of other talented players, including the Handsome Boys FC.

While Mon becomes be the second player to leave the club after solid defender Theo Oliver’s loan move to another club, the club had officially unveiled recent signings Rayfeal “Kaka” Lopez, Shankara “Shwanky” Rao and Suria, who is trying hard to break into the first team.

Meanwhile, the injury-list of the club has also grown with Shwanky becoming its latest inductee after straining his groin during the last match which will keep him out for five days.

Aaron Mong is also recovering from an injury sustained during the Christmas season. Mong who failed preliminary fitness tests will be out for another month while promising right-back Edward James is still struggling with fitness issues.

An Incomplete Post for Nan

All those times of wishing she'd cook my favourite food linger in my heart as I woke up at 5.45 am. It was easier pretending nothing mattered and enerything was and will be fine. In an instant my thoughts stumbled upon random memories of her. I admit not all were sweet but priceless nevertheless.



I remember as far as when I was so much younger and how much it meant spending time there. At that time of course, it was the environment that engulfed me. Those times were so carefree and loose. From catching grasshoppers to playing in the mud, all of it was done there.



I remembering seeing her at my front door with bags and bags of food. I also remember driving her everywhere, from the bank to the doctor's, from KL to market. The works! I remember how she'd never sleep in the car and how she periodically clears her throat to keep me awake.



Still a dome of sorrow looms as i thought about the last time I brought her to the clinic. I wish something better was done. I always thought I could have had more time with her. Maybe, just maybe, if