Goal Celebrations and Its Importance

I'm back..again after a 13 month absence for Allah God knows how long this time before I become lazy again and in my escape from blogging I had gone thru many changes.

One of em changes I've noticed is my confidence in playing football or futsal. Now I try to play them at least three times a week and I'm loving it even though I still sustain a few injuries here and there.

Speaking of confidence, I have found my new lease on writing here thanks to a famous editor. Thanks EJL. :)

Back to sports.

I believe that the single most important entity in sports are the celebrations especially in football!

Be it a Cup Final or even a Wednesday evening kick about with friends. A goal has to be celebrated.

Here're a few ways goals are celebrated.

1. Mobbed

This is when you run aimlessly around the field, most probably with and arm or two in the air. Leaving a host of team mates chasing you and a few others coming from the front to hug you or tackle you to the ground.

This usually happens when a defender or someone very unlikely to score, scores.






2. Flips

Please only try these if you are like a fiddle..FIT!

You can show off your tremendous athletic ability by flipping front, side or back. I hate the guy but I've gotta admit that Nani has one of the better flip celebrations to date.

Video? NO!


3. Iconic

Iconic celebrations have become a trademark to a player and do it frequently other people will name the celebration after you.

Take a look at Shearer's or Sturridge's celebrations. They do it so often and consistant that the celebrations have been named after them. Also take a look at Roger Milla's dancing at the corner flag routine

Copying is fine but you'd most probably want to have a move of your own.


4. Team celebrations

Here's when after the final instructions of the coach during training that a few of you lads should stay back and work on a few routines.

They can be as simple as putting your shirt at the corner-flag and you and your team mates dance around it ala Bouba Diop at France 1998. You might risk a yellow card for this though.





Or..

...as intricate, well-choreographed and entertaining as this team from Iceland. Stjarnan FC. My personal favourite celebrations.

Check it:





So, you'd probably wonder why I took so much time showing types goal celebrations.

Here's why:

Top 3 Reasons to Celebrate a Goal

3. Appreciation of fine craftsmanship

Although a goal in theory, is as easy as taking a piss on your nasty neighbour's porch from the outside of their gate.

Pissing on the gate:

Step 1: Whip out dong
Step 2: Piss

Scoring a goal:

Step 1: Receive ball
Step 2: Score

We all know that it isn't all that simple...and I'm not even going to mention timing, positioning and to look if the neighbours are watching of course the involvement of your team mates.

In all honesty, a goal is a supreme end product of extensive fitness and tactical training coupled with a dash of intuitiveness and a splice of creativity which is held by the science of working together with 10 other people to beat 11 other men who have gone through the exact same thing.

Therefore, a celebration is not only necessary; I believe it is obligatory!




2. To fuck with the other team

It's a messed up feeling which is able to break the spirits of weaker men.

You are in the game and your whole team's formation is like the wall which Destiny Hope Cyrus hits while sitting naked on a wrecking ball, your 'keeper holds the ball as if he spread butter on his gloves instead of his toast and the other team scores. 

Your team mates hang their heads like there's an invisible noose attached around their necks. You know you'll need to score not one but at least two goals to win. 

And to top that off, a few fellas from the other side are either fishing (see Stjarnan FC video) from the edge of your penalty box or piled on top of the goalscorer in a scene matched only by hyenas devouring a zebra on Nat Geo. 

I'm sure at this moment, you'd rather be the fish or the zebra.

Loosely translated: You've already fallen, now the staircase falls on you.



1. Because you can!

Simple!

Have you seen the team who have just conceded a goal celebrate?

In the words of Beyonce Z: 

"If you got it; flaunt it!"

Now, go on and practice your celebrations. Just be mindful not to end up like these:

This One's for The Ladies

So, after being challenged requested to do a piece about the whisky drinking habits of the fairer sex, I have decided not to do it because of this quote:

"Girls that take whisky seriously are often scary and have husky voices and their farts smell like smoke"  - Vishaal Vickram on most probably not Diandra Soliano

No one fucks, literally or verbally with women whom when they fart, might just be cancerous to inhale. On the other hand, I must insist that I'm not a fart smelling kinda guy...but psychologically whenever someone says they've farted, you do take a whiff, right? Or else how would you know the degree of the stink.. Think about it..

Anyhoo, I've decided to group from wine sipping women to free flow loving girls according to their drink of choice while offering tactless, fact-less insights on their psyche.


Victoria

Having a classy and elegant name, Victorias only sip wine or their bubbly cousins, champagne. Victoria will linger around restaurants that you most probably can't spell, let alone pronounce. Rarely seen drinking by the drain or in a parking lot nearby KK Mart, let alone your apartment that you share with 6 other people.

However, sometimes within the elite, there are some glasses among diamonds. Yes, there are wannabes and god-forbid hipsters.

How to spot faux Vickys?

She might drink according to one variable or another and might not know the true value of the beverage. For example, she/they might choose the oldest or most expensive wine from the menu, without knowing a thing about Merlot, Shiraz, 2007, 2001, South Africa, Chile, etc


Cindy

Cindy enjoys and appreciates the flamboyant and sometimes exquisite skill of the bartender in mixing her the perfect drink (for the occasion).

Ranging from a feisty Margarita to a sexy Singapore Sling or even a hackneyed Gin and Tonic, this lass usually could sip and chug the night away.

Cindy is not neccesarily refined but she does know what she wants and how she wants it for the night. She is usually very cautious on what she puts in her mouth for the night and can be very picky...with her drink.

To pick her up in a bar, one must usually gauge what kind of drink she is drinking and yet offer to buy her something that looks close but not quite the drink in her glass; giving her ego a slight boost and allowing her to think she has control over the lack of your cocktatual (it isn't a word) knowledge.

A common conversation might start like:

Can I buy you another Strawberry Margarita?
Err..you can, but I'm having a Frozen Strawberry Daiquiri, two shots of rum..
(I am in no way promising you a cowgirl ride. Why would I?)


Patsy O'Hara

She is a new breed of lasses who particularly enjoy the dark Irish drink brewed typically by her distant uncle, Arthur.

Emerging strongly among today's women in Malaysia are these elite yet artsy-fartsy group who enjoys their pint(s) of stout and never from the bottle or can.

Usually blue-collared individuals or deeply involved in the arts or media, Patsy have found the perfect elixir for she doesn't particularly enjoy neither the taste of beer or the fear of the development of the magical and omnipresent beer belly nor the strength or kick of a cocktail.

Patsies don't to be taken too lightly. They are no bimbos and are well-versed in the fields they are involved. They have an astute insight and are equally opinionated when it comes to music, film, photography, business and politics.

I like Patsy.

P.S. Some Patsies love ciders and beware, some hipsters live in this zip code.


Alice

Alice is your girl-next-door, ale guzzling hottie!

She enjoys the occasional ice-cold one but drinking capacity can be limited because of the tender ale's tendency of filling up before shoshing up, the broken seal syndrome (frequent pissings) or the most common fear: the beer belly.

Alices are fun to be with and usually have no problem having a bottled beer in a field in a housing estate or while camping out by the road in front of a KK Mart (quick tip: beers are cheaper here than in 7-Eleven) after the wretched barman rings the damn bell!

They have somewhat no problem taking a piss at a secluded stairway.

Alice usually makes friends rather quickly and easily with the opposite sex and they have somewhat no problem taking a piss at a secluded stairway.


Lindsay

Let me introduce the ultimate free-flowing party girl. These girls seem to have every free-flow pass in town and can be seen at every free-flow party from Jinjang to Sepang.

Before we go on further, I would like to state that free drinks is always awesome but, but, being at every party is somewhat ridiculous, unless you have that magical object called the MEDIA PASS!

These ladies hit the joints early, get liquored up before 10 and sustain till 3am. Yes, they can afford the drinks but free stuff is always just that much sweeter, right.

These lovely ladies are very friendly too, but thread cautiously, alcohol can spark waterworks, green-monsters or even sluttish tendencies! However, more often than not, these lovely ladies either will do ever so well with the decoration of the toilets from her stomach or be seen playing dead outside clubs.




So, what's your name, tell me what's your name?

Why I want to drink like a Sir?

Most probably the manliest drinks of all time, aligned with the fight scenes in Fight Club and probably with the amount of manliness the new Expendables movie has, is the full flavoured, unassuming scotch whisky.

Known as the Water of Life in the early days, Scotch whisky was said to have healing properties. No, instead of being sloshed, William Wallace had real guts and gusto to take on the King of England, HRH King Longshanks!

Over the years, like everything typically American (go see how they and the rest of the world play football), they tried to distil Scotch, fucked it up and came up with this whiskey drink they named after a county in Kentucky, Bourbon. I ain't dissin' the drink, but the primary difference, to me is the spelling and the usage of sour mash. 

Now if you look at Jack Daniel's you could ask yourself: What is Tennessee Whiskey or you could say that Mr. Daniel's could be pulling off and American within America..Americanception; or you could do what I do and shut the hell up and drink!

Now, to distract you from the fact that Jack Daniel's isn't a bourbon, here's a poem on spelling:

Whisky or Whiskey

A Scotsman who spells

Whisky with a n ‘e’,

should be hand cuffed

and thrown head first in the Dee,

In the USA and Ireland,

it’s spelt with an ‘e’

but in Scotland

it’s real ‘Whisky’.

So if you see Whisky

and it has an ‘e’,

only take it,

if you get it for free!

For the name is not the same

and it never will be,

a dram is only a real dram,

from a bottle of ‘Scotch Whisky’.

In KL, regardless if we hit the clubs in Changkat, pubs in PJ or the fuck coffee shops in Brickfields..as long as there's a few friends feasting over a/a few bottle(s) of blended or single malt scotch, there'll be different styles of drinking.

I'm not saying you are doing it wrong..I'm just going to evaluate the whisky drinkers by their mixers..beginning with the all time Malaysian favourite:

The Basic Drinkers

Many a times we see the wannabe Ah Beng-sters, Ali-sters (kinda cool, actually) or even Raj-sters buy bottles and bottles of whiskies and when the waiter comes to them and ask: Mixer? Out comes the cola and ice.. Oh Lord, not only are they killing the whisky's taste with the taste of the cola, but the ice actually waters down the whole thing leaving nothing to be enjoyed besides cold sugar water!

These people usually:

Don't like the taste of whisky

Believe the added caffeine and sugar will help them get high faster

Stick to milk if you don't like the taste of whisky 

The Hipsters

Now they might choose a non-cola mixer, but don't get me wrong, these people also aren't able to enjoy a nice glass of whisky.

At one glance, you'd think they are more refined by mixing a non-cola drink in their whiskey. But in reality regardless if they indulge in a dash of green tea or even a quart of hot chocolate (I don't know how it tastes like), this way of drinking whisky is only good for their hobo-looking, iPhone dialling, empty framed, snow cap wearing sorry asses.

Oh, these are also the people who fuck up wine by adding 7-Up, grape juice, lemon, etc... Bastards!

The 9.5s

These guys, almost pure class. They are the type who know not to fuck up the drink with A&W Root Beer or bastardly tomato juice but yet don't want the full dosage of the flavour of whisky in their mouth.

These guys can be spotted drinking whisky with water and ice, ginger ale, soda or even on the rocks. Almost close to pure perfection but not quite.

Ladies, these are the guys you should date and will be great lovers in bed..

The 'Like a Sirs'

Now these guys take it to a different level.

These guys are the epitome of exquisiteness of whom celebrate art as they yearn to take on and overcome the greatest challenges in life.

Whisky with a splash of water in a proper whisky glass, a tulip shaped glass.

A splash of water, they say will ignite the full taste of the whisky and its aroma will rise boldly according to the shape of the glass and evoke every nasal sense, sending euphoric signals to the brain to raise the glass and let the fluid flow past the lips to caress every inch of your mouth leaving it indulgently lost in the golden comfort of malted barley provoking a deep hunger for this perfectly crafted elixir which for years matured patiently within the confines of the sturdiest of oak casks ensuring the body and colour is preserved over at least three years.

This man doesn't down his whisky, he toasts every sip to the craftsmanship and beauty of producing a gentlemen's drink

This man drinks not because he can, he drinks because he is

This man will develop a strong passion towards the arts and a deeper appreciation towards artistry

This man is worldly with oceans of knowledge and wealth of opinions that he is ever willing to share

This man, sadly, is not me...yet

A manly drink, maybe...but it's drinkers can be pussies - Darian Henry (with Vishaal Vickram while setting Diandra Soliano right)

Notice there are no damn pictures today..Why? Because Nuffnang already has fucked me over for the past 4 years without giving me a cent...so, why should I promote another brand?

New Look; New Post

So, I've decided to change the look and reposition of some of the stuff from right to left not because I lack the creativity but because I'm not very smart when it comes to html..so I fear the slightest error will send my computer crumbling into tiny little bits and like Humpty Dumpty, I will never be able to put it back again.

Kudos to Ayin for helping me out..Great help!

No lah, I'm not that stupid (I try to convince myself everyday without fail), I just wanted change. Change from a lot of things. I was hoping that this blog will get things rolling..

Anyhoo, why change?
Why the fuck not?

Theoretically..you can be one of three agents of change.. You can be...

...the one who initiates change
...the one who administers change
...the one who is forced to change regardless of his/her willingness

Let's look at this from a perspective that's larger than life: THE FACEBOOK TIMELINE FIASCO

...the one who initiates change...

OK.. Like it or not, Mark Zuckerberg has this one policy: Swallow all the shit I feed you! From the first time Facebook became popular till today, he has made changes that no one really knows why. Perhaps Napster asked him to do so, perhaps he wants to see the world end (for some people), or because he truly believes that the change will be good and help us communicate better with one another and hide dirty linen harder from one another.

Zuckerbeng, seen here with his wife, Chan who wasn't interesting enough to make it to the movie..perhaps they haven't met, give me a break..sheesh!

The bottom-line is he initiated how Facebook looks!


...the one who administers change...


Here we have people who zealously and sometimes mindlessly carried out what's being asked of them. This has been looked as a noble and loyal gesture not only in the corporate world, but in the likes of the military and some even believe...in heaven. They say money, honour and a new set of feathers on their wings have driven them to do such things.

Well we will leave God and the army aside and look at YOU! Yes, you in the super-awesome-I-will-puke-rainbows-on-your-grandmother's-eyebrow-and-cure-her-from-cataract-like Facebook office!

See, these Facebook administrators have been doing the will of Zuckerberg.. first they send pop-ups and tutorials, then later they threaten us by giving a deadline, then they simply switch your profile to the Timeline and there goes your privacy settings. Now your boyfriend will for sure know you are fucking around..but all fixable within seconds.. Cheers for opposable thumbs and adaptability!

Whether they like the new Timeline or not they have to do it..therefore making them the administrators of change..


...the one who is forced to change regardless of his/her willingness...

My personal favourite, the end users..you, me, the people we love, along with millions of jerks!

You can say a lot about the way a person accepts change by the way they handled the Timeline issue..we have:

The Optimist:

Makes the best of things and does well with change
Will most likely look at the Timeline as another way to express creativity and him/herself
Still enforces custom privacy settings

Page will most likely look something like:

The Neutral:

Doesn't really care about the new changes

Changes profile picture

Updates status

Still enables privacy settings

Visit my FB page  to see how a Neutralist's page looks like..mine is somewhat private..

The Negative Nancies/Nicks

Will bitch about the Timeline

Will tag you in a picture about liking/sharing so Zuckerberg will revert to the old profiles after 200,000,000,000 'likes'

Will reminisce  about how awesome FB used to be

Will claim to have found a solution to the Timeline problem, which in reality is just some browser settings which is also kinda like having an unshaven crotch hiding a small penis and masturbating in front of a two-way mirror.. embarrassing on so many levels..

Oh you know those people..if you don't, it's most probably you then.. 

So well, just wanted to say either embrace it, initiate it or administer it..either way change is gonna happen!

Change is neither good nor bad..it simply is - Don Draper, Mad Men

Bersih: Just in case you wanna go for another one (Post 3/3)

This Bersih rally being my first public rally and all, I have been enlightened to a different level and have experienced stuff that I never before imagined.

I think I am a chaos-addict...seeking excitement in chaotic situations but getting back to the topic at hand, I want to share some things that will and wont work during a rally, IF you decide to see and evaluate first hand and not comment on Facebook a few days later or if you just wanna get gassed and run around..

Let's face it, with Anwar (there is proof that you, sir, motioned to the other bloke to rile up the crowd) at the mix, the rally was always going to tear gas and water cannons anyway.  

The DO's and DON'Ts at a public riot rally

DO...

...observe personal hygiene

Throughout the rally I had some quiet demonstrators, and more overzealous ones...you know, the ones where they have arms out, punching the air, screaming their believes marching next to me..boy was I fucked! 

I'm not the neatest person in the world, ask anyone, but I made sure I had a good shit, shower and shave (just in case I get caught and the cops want me to do nekkid push-ups or Nurul Izzah falls for me), brushed my teeth, used mouthwash, deodorant, my Paco Rabane perfume (just in case lah, dammit!) and headed to Central Market.

Somehow, a lot of people don't get that. Cipet there was one point, I nearly died from underarm smells and nearly died again as I looked to my left, only to be met with the stinging breath smelling like shit from a zombie monkey being flung my way..ughh!

Deodorise, people! The brands nowadays guarantee 24-hour protection, and if you have inherited smelly genes then bring lah one cannister/tube/bottle...what's the use of carrying a bloody huge backpack if you can't fit it in!

...dress the part

Firstly, comfort and practicality is a priority! T shirt, jeans or shorts and shoes will be awesome enough... go easy on the make-up, hair and nail extensions, you are here to rock a cause, not the runway.

NO LEATHER JACKETS! I've seen a douchebag wearing a leather jacket with studs and spikes while we were retreating from them gasses. Why, God? Why? It was already so hot...and the gas and the water...

Brother, if you are reading this, at Bersih 4.0 or if Ultras Malaya decide to hold a rally to get the President of FAM to resign, wear a fucking raincoat/military suit!

If you believe and identify in the cause, show your support. Wear whatever they are wearing, be it a yellow or green top, a red one (last year, to protest the yellow fellas), or even a mask.

Just a reminder, swimming goggles and bandana's don't work against the gas! The sweat will seep in beneath the rubber and the lenses will fog up, leaving you no choice but to remove the goggles. Trust me, I lost my goggles and bandana in the retreat.

Remember to keep it light. There will be a lot of running and marching.

Slippers can be very dangerous. One misstep at the back of a slipper is all you need to either cause a stampede or being a floor mat. I must say this - Malaysians were very careful not to let people stay on the ground for long that day.

DON'T...

...obstruct the traffic/retreat flow

While the people at the front of the rally became the lasts one in line when the retreat began, there were plenty more people coming and heading full force towards Dataran Merdeka. 

As the people are screaming to turn back and retreat a little so we can have some breathing room, you would think the oncoming ones will at least give room...but NO, not till they saw the trucks; and by this time cannister after cannister have been shot.

Yeah, you are zealous warriors...but get the fuck out of the way! Although I loved the rush, the pain was real too! 

You back-seat generals gotta move backwards and not urging us to move on..give us room and go get your share of abuse...there were kids retreating too...which brings me to the next point!

...bring your kids to a rally!

My rule of probability has only two outcomes: 50-50. Example: What are my chances of winning the lottery? 50% = you will win; 50% you will not. 

At my day job, I get asked by parents every time: So, what are the chances of my son/daughter/son-that-will-soon-be-daughterish-and-have-videos-lip-syncing-to-Malay-rock-songs-in-hotels-in-KL passing his exams?


Fifty-fucking-percent..either he passes or fails.. See now if he asked What are the chances in passing and getting an A+? I'd be forced to see how many passing grades there and have 50 divided the number of grades from a C- (or D) to an A+. 


Geddit? No? Watch this:

Ladies and gentlemen, the Serdang Angels!

Anyhoo, the point here is..There's a 50% probability that the rally was gonna turn hostile..and it did! Which leaves me questioning:

What the fuck made you bring your 2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/teenage kid (choose, I saw them all that day) to Masjid James Jamek? 

Your kid is too young to understand what's going on. Values need to be instilled, yes, but come the time, they will be living in a different world, different politicians, different problems...why ruin the innocence and unbiased views of a child now?


Your kid isn't your fucking shield!
You are gonna get gassed! So beat it! Don't subject your child to gasses and the water. God knows what kind of drugs they put in those things...we overfed, overgrown adults can't take it, why subject your child to harms like this?


Based on that two things, Malaysia should have a rule towards pro-creation! If you have done either one or both of those things, get a vasectomy/tubectomy..please!!!


Rule of thumb: If you still buy the toothpaste he uses each morning, don't let him go anywhere near the rally!

Good night!

From Rally to Riot – Exploring some dynamics behind Bersih 3.0 (Post 2/3)

Now, I’ll attempt to put my puny little mind and try to digress some of the underlying dynamics that were going on while 250,000 people screamed, fought for their rights, attacked, were attacked, ran, cried, bled and so on at the Bersih 3.0 rally in KL.

I have decided to join in this year’s rally and observe. Last year, I declined to join in for reasons stated previously. I admit a Pink Floyd song helped me decide to make my way to Kuala Lumpur.

Let me share the lyrics with you here:

Wish you were here - Pink Floyd 

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,

blue skies from pain.

Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?

A smile from a veil?

Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts? 

Hot ashes for trees?

Hot air for a cool breeze?

Cold comfort for change?

And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.

We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,

Running over the same old ground. 

What have you found? The same old fears.

Wish you were here. 

Not quite blue skies

IF you don't quite get why this song seemed to change my stance, I really can't help you.

Call it catch-22s, conspiracies, paradoxes, what-ifs or what not. I don’t really care.

Let me begin with:

Ambiga’s call for early “bersurai..”

Way before 4pm, the appointed time to call it quits, Ambiga called for the gathering to go home, stating success.

It seems the sitting protest wouldn’t work. Was it because there were too many present?

I doubt it.

Perhaps she sensed the presence of agent provocateurs?

Possible.

I think she was using reversed psychology. After calling the rally to an end I saw a bloke whisper something to her and she responded with: No, no, I’m not going to announce that.

I read books better than I read lips but the megaphone microphone wasn’t too far from her mouth. So I heard it which makes me wonder – if she was planning to go ahead to Dataran Merdeka, why ask everyone to go home?

Knowing the state of mind of the people, one would believe a riot was going to happen either way.

Agent Provocateurs

Either planted by the police the government as a whole, one surely feel that there were some forms of ‘agents’ around.

I was pretty convinced that the rally was really meant and was carried out peacefully until the deadly razor wire barrier was breached.

Pictures on facebook showed some ‘agents’ provoking violence amongst the crowd and the same ones were there taking ‘lawful’ action when chaos began.

Taken from Facebook, you be the judge

I feel on the whole, the government, Najib, BN, DBKL or otherwise could have handled the situation better. 

We all know you won’t implement changes and meet the demands overnight or at all for that matter, which will leave you with watching 250,000 sitting in the hot sun for hours.

We were unarmed la, cibai! I don’t know about the rest but the Rakyat has trusted you for more than 50 years, can’t you trust us for a couple of hours? How much damage could we have done? Your goons in blue were there in case it hit the fan and wouldn’t it be easier to contain a surrounded target?

Let’s not look at governing bodies in China, the UK or Australia because they seem to be of more liberal mind-sets than us in KL.

Why did I say mention KL and not Malaysia?

It seems, while teargas were fired rather freely in KL, some 130km down south, a similar gathering was held in Malacca and there were no radical incidents reported. Protesters were not allowed onto Dataran Pahlawan due to a concert, it seems; yes they were unruly, but to what effect?

Either way, get this:

Malacca is nowhere near prime location

International press wouldn’t go to Malacca to cover it

So, why bother placing agent provocateurs there?

Every other location, even underwater in Indonesia, things were pretty much peaceful and uneventful.

Had the government allowed the use of the Dataran Merdeka, things would be different and they will be forced to admit that rallies in Malaysia could be peaceful and any unruliness will be on the shoulders of Ambiga and her associates.

Necessities

Politicians

If the Bersih cause is totally apolitical as it seems, why allow the opposition front the liberty on your pick-up van and let Anwar address the public?

Was it a measure he doesn’t get beaten up and arrested like the last time?

Why were there chants for an anti-BN government?

Does this mean that as long as the opposition is not in power, the elections aren’t ‘clean?’

With the presence of big name politicians around, I couldn’t help but wonder if they were using Bersih to gain political leverage. Don’t they have tonnes of dewans to do this? You have been entrusted with the confidence of the Rakyat to do something in office and you show up at a rally trying to make a difference?

I hope that someday, be it 5 weeks or 50 years from today, when our electoral processes magically are clean, should the opposition lose, they can swallow the bitter pill and not bitch anymore about this.

Police enforcement (no photos for this segment, go Youtube it)

Why hit, torment and inflict so much pain on protesters?

I accept that there are blood-thirsty, anarchy-loving scumbags on both sides of the divide. And not taking anything from our brave law enforcers, they did relatively well in exercising restraint until the boiling point but that is that.

I understand that they had to do their level best to disperse the crowd, and I didn’t mind getting hosed and gassed; were the beatings, kicking and so forth really necessary? Can’t they just cuff ‘em and put them in a truck?

You are our protectors, first; violators, never!

I am pretty sure that there are cops looking for the missing kid and will not question the priorities, but if they were really looking for culprits and not punching bags, go to Anwar’s, Ambiga’s, Kit Siang’s house and arrest them too; I mean if you can go as far as SOGO to bash people up, you can make the trip.

Plus, capturing 300 out of 250,000 isn’t a proud number, they should be taught simple tactics: spread it out a little, two cops to one protester would do and your numbers would’ve been greater. We were unarmed la, for fuck’s sake!

I suggest the PDRM stick to punching the bags in the gym or start a fucking fight club in the car park for all I care.

The rally

Many-a-times, I have said among friends and once before here (oh go click ‘Older Posts’ already) that I’m not a big fan of the rally. Admittedly, I had one hell of an experience, yet I felt cheated at the same time.

Against an autocratic government, it is always hard to shove one’s points to the government. However, since Bersih 1.0 was incepted, besides the rallies, I’m not quite convinced that the push is done from all angles.

he rally sometimes I feel is a little convenient and aimed too close to the predicted General Elections. Apart from that, perhaps their efforts are intangible but I don’t really see much being done by our freedom fighters. 

Correct me if I’m wrong but don’t go acting like a keyboard warrior, thanks.

When it comes to electoral processes, how can one party rule so long? Something fishy? The PAS fellas in Kelantan don’t seem to think so. No complaints from Penang with pre-BN Gerakan and now DAP. Elections fair in these two states? How about Selangor? Perak? Kedah?  

One thing remains clear; there is a need for fresh vision for my beloved Malaysia, regardless of who is brave enough to take that responsibility or given that trust. Undoubtedly, some systems need to be overhauled while others need to be reconsidered its validity and relevance since the laws were written over half a century ago.

My dad fought with bullets for his Malaysia (Air Force, not Communist); I’ll continue with words for mine

Tanah tumpah darahku

Bersih 3.0: From my eyes only (Post 1/3)

Here is first-hand experience from what I saw, heard, tasted, touched and smelt at Bersih 3.0… in no way am I accusing you of lying or will accept any accusations if my post does not serve your ideal political purpose.

1100h; Seri Kembangan

Still at home, I contemplated on whether I should go for the rally or stay home since I don’t really like the approach of the rally as I’ve felt that the cause is good but the rally is somewhat tainted.

At the same time, I was actively texting and reading on Twitter about on-site updates.

I decided to put on a purple T-shirt just to say I’m not an active protester and if cameras were to catch a group photo, I’d be able to stand out.

The guy in purple here is not me, of course :)

1230h; Kelana Jaya LRT Station

Arrived at KJ Station; the drive was pleasant. No roadblocks or traffic but I am coming from one corner of the world.

Surrounding the station, the amount of cars parked everywhere were massive. I had to park near a nearby college while another friend, Sandesh, parked at the church.

Tonnes of people were in yellow and every other colour. No harm or ruckus but they see you holding a bottle of water and have a scarf in the other hand, they give you that slight nod, either they’ve identified another supporter or I was supposed to know the master plan or something.

1320h; Pasar Seni

We got down and things were still calm. There were people praying in a group. Some joined in, others walked on.

Praying in a group at Pasar Seni LRT Station

Then, further down, A. Samad Said was praying with a fellow telling people that they can join in or not disturb.

A. Samad Said

At the entrance of Central Market, the rally was gaining in numbers. The Unit Amal were omnipresent to help out.

Before long, the Unit Amal guys started forming a human shield and made everyone march behind them. We found ourselves in between Ambiga and a yellow zeppelin. They had a green anti-Lynas one.

They had shit for hailers, but I’m pretty sure Ambiga said something like to march as far as we can then we sit.

1345h; Moving from Central Market

Firstly, I am shit in KL roads. So, on we marched. I was still at the front of the parade. Some say we moved in a roundabout way. I only recognised a Reggae Hotel and we turned left towards Jalan Tun Razak (I think).

With fire in their bellies, hope in their hearts and conviction in their words

Many people applauded and cheered from the streets and the marching voices grew louder with chants that were consistent to the cause. Then, it all changed.

Chants started to sound rather weird: BN Hancur, Kami tak nak pembunuh, Najib sial, UMNO hancur, Reformasi, etc were going on loud and strong.

I wasn’t too happy with this. I might be a little stupid and not able to comprehend well but, wasn’t this rally apolitical? Wasn’t this about clean and fair elections?

1425h; Standstill at Masjid Jamek

At about this time, the march came to a halt.

The leading vehicle was stationed at the entrance to Dataran Merdeka while I was at the Burger King near the Masjid Jamek LRT Station.

Orders to start a sitting protest worked well for about 30 seconds till the Unit Amal came barging in, escorting Anwar Ibrahim, Lim Kit Siang and a few others to the front.

Duduk Bantah

People had to stand to make way and there was a lot of pushing and shoving around. I realised that this was my chance to move forward.

I locked my arms in between two Unit Amal personnel and pushed my free ticket to the front. When asked: Are you in Unit Amal? I replied: Does that matter? I thought we are brothers…

I got within a few meters from the pick-up.

Anwar announcing the success of Bersih 3.0

However, their arrival caused chaos and a heightened sense of demonstrating, despite the heat. Ambiga and Anwar spoke citing the rally a success and thanked the 250,000 people who came out, before announcing the end of the rally and asked everyone to go home.

1455h; Moving towards razor wires

Shortly after thanking the crowd for coming and asking them to go home; the pick-up started moving towards Dataran Merdeka.

Ambiga urging everyone to go home

Mixed messages? Reversed psychology?

The crowd started moving vigorously as the cheers grew louder, the chants grew weirder and I got stuck near the Bar Council.

I can’t disclose how I got there but I did, I was again about 5 meters from Ambiga, Anwar, Kit Siang, Izzah (she is pretty) and so on.

At about this time, tensions were rising with one group singing Negaraku while more were chanting: Dataran! Dataran! and Buka! Buka!

The police personnel were standing firm and quietly behind the road barricades, behind the razor wires. They were generally unarmed – no shields, no helmets, no batons, no guns!

Razor wires after being flattened

Behind them, however, there were about four trucks and more Federal Reserve Unit cops on standby. They moved into formation but were in no way showing signs of being aggressors, at that point.

15XXh; Hell breaking loose

I was paying attention to the chants from a person on the pick-up. 


I’m not sure what he said things were just getting restless.


I turn to see the unarmed cops running for their lives! They were chased by some 100 people who have crossed the razor wires!

The aggressors this time were the demonstrators whom have breached the razor fences. I too crossed to get a closer look.

The protestors kept hurling all sorts of stuff at the police, bottles, road barricades and traffic cones were among the favourites!

Water cannons against road signs and stuff

The FRU started moving forward followed by the trucks that began spraying water. I tried to stand my ground until I hear this weird boom and I see a grenade-like object heading my way.

Tear gas!

The gassing has begun

I fucking ran from the place.

There was a bottleneck at the razor wires. I put on my swimming goggles and covered my mouth and nose with a bandana. I saw a guy falling down onto the razor wires and people tried to help, some were pushed. I got a few cuts on my legs.

The gas crept in slowly.

The back of my neck felt it first. The smoke was too thick to see. I hear people shouting: Pegang baju gua… Lari! Lari!

By this time, my nose and throat started to burn as well as any part of my body that was uncovered! My eyes hurt as hell!

People were running and offering salt and water all around.

Before I could recover, another wave of tear gas struck; this time from high up. I couldn't tell if it came from the railway lines or from the top of the buildings. 


They waited for the wind. Sneaky bastards!


Some people rushed into the Bar Council; others ran; even non-participating people bailed. No one stood still!

This repeated itself for quite some time.

15XXh, Hope for humanity?

As I’ve stated earlier, I’ll call it as I see it and by no means does this mean whatever you have experienced and saw is less important or true.

Retreating from the razor wires to somewhere much safer was a little hard to do as a lot of people still refused to move back quickly.

People were rubbing salt on each other and themselves while finding water to drink. A 500ml bottle was shared with 8 people.

By the time I got to the Reggae Hotel, things seemed to ease up a little. I sat on the floor and people came to my aid, offering all kinds of remedies. One Malaysian Chinese gave me tissues and another Malaysian Malay offered me her towel to wipe my face.

They were unharmed.

A man pulled up with two bags of ice to help manage the burns.

A friend indeed

Suddenly, that weird sound went off again and canisters were launched our way. I didn’t understand. It was a relatively long way from Dataran Merdeka and everyone there we only seeking refuge.

The cops with their tear gasses and water cannons made sure that the only retreat was to head towards Plaza Rakyat and Menara Maybank.

Just before the cops bombarded the side streets

I rested and took a long ride home!

Five Ways to become a HARIMAU

Seeing that it is about 26 hours till kick-off at the National Stadium between bitter rivals Malaysia and Singapore for a ticket to the World Cup Qualifiers, I've decided to let you in on a few ways to get you in the mood.

How to prepare for a Harimau Malaya (Malayan Tigers) game?


1. Secure Entry


Make sure that if you aren't as Lucky as Ramon and Mario, you get your tickets early! Don't go around like a fucking hooker on crack trying to ask everyone, anyone and anywhere..including Twitter for tickets the moment the word is mentioned.

So, I bought tickets for 9pm..

Dei, the match is at 8.30pm! You better go early..and you got how many tickets, hor? Got extra ke?

The tickets...Captain America la!

Memang Douchebag la lu, bro!




2. Energize


Remember that games kicking off at 8.45pm can end at midnight. So, make sure you have enough water, food, rest, etc to sustain your energy levels.


Frankly speaking, cheering is almost as tiring as playing the damn sport because when we cheer, often or not our levels will peak in direct retaliation to what's happening on the field - be it a wrong offside call, a Jewish lad kicking the ball..or even dismal performances by our own lads. Therefore, the more often things happen, the more you peak in excitement and you get tired..




3. Seat Right


Generally, there are a few sections when it comes to seating at a stadium.


VIP Boxes
Here's where politicians and big names watch the games. It's believed that within the tinted glasses is a room where you can indulge to your heart's desire.


There even was a rumour that there were strippers, cocaine and midget whores inside a Manchester United - Cardiff or something game.


Grand Stand
This is where rich folks pay more to see the same game from the same distance as the Rakyat Jelata from the other side.


Usually occupied by kids who were bullied in school and think they are cool now.


Home Seats
The whole stadium except the top corner of the stadium and a few more rows


Ultras Malaya
Look out for people at top corners of the stands usually singing and drumming..sometimes dancing and most importantly cheering.


They'll most probably be wearing black tees with yellow scarfs held high









Away Seats
Whatever's left. Possibly 3 rows in some corner with a fucked up view.


For this occasion, look out for an awkward looking group dressed in either red and white (Singapore, not Indonesia) or Blue.






4. Get in the ZONE


To get in the zone, you'd need to prepare your mind and body for the experience. Here's the simplest way to shift to a football fan mindset:

I know the beer is Singaporean but the name is Malaysian but 6 of this, you'll be massive!

If you can't drink, Tiger biscuits also counts!




5. Lose Your Voice


Shout, scream, sing...tell the referee what a cunt he is, taunt the away fans. Go ahead! Don't just sit quietly, you have bloody libraries for that!


Here are a few songs and chants that might help you out tomorrow:


Negaraku


Inilah Barisan Kita

How it is



How it should be sung




Malaysia Chant






So, see you tomorrow in Black and Yellow!