Self Help: How to shave with ONE SHAVER

Remember a few posts back, which seems like forever from today? You know, the one about the benefits of shaving?

Fuck, you do have the memory of a bloody gold fish. This is the post I'm talking about!

Ever since that post, I've been getting loads of questions. I was amazed at the different levels of questions I got. I didn't know whether I should laugh, cry, spit shit out of my nose or just go fuck a mermaid but here are some of the questions which I'll  answer here but do take note that I'm not paid to entertain questions like these and your daddy should be the one teaching you about shaving (Ladies with daddy issues, kindly drop your number).

Q:  Would you recommend a three or four bladed razor?

A:  Why don't you go all out and get a seven-bladed one

 

 

 

Get this perhaps

Q:  How much foam should I apply?

A:  Fuck off!

Q:  How often should I shave?

A:  Depends how long your hair takes to grow, you bloody gorilla!

However, this takes the cake:

I only have one shaver? How do I go about shaving my whole body?

Firstly, how the fuck do you have only ONE SHAVER? Don't you have a 7-11  or a KK Mart nearby or a kitchen knife? Please get another shaver...or two!

If you live on a tree beside a cave in the middle of the jungle and your only way out is to be eagle bait, then let me shed some light on how you should shave yourself.

Rule of thumb is, please trim yourself to have hair/fur at most 3cm. Get scissors or a lawnmower. Now comes the important bit. Essentially, men need to keep all parts well groomed. Therefore equipped with only ONE shaver, please shave in this order:

Face
Chest 

Back (If you have limbs of a spider monkey)

Armpit

Crotch

Always shave till you are happy with the result and never, Never, NEVER go back. You just don't shave your face then move to your balls and say:

Hey, I think that little patch under my lower lip needs no go.. 

Sick!

Why I wasn't CLEAN today

So this post Bersih aftermath has opened my eyes to a few things. But before that, let's get things straight. I, without regret did not participate in the rally that took place this afternoon for reasons I shall reveal in a bit.

First and foremost, Kudos to my fellow Malaysians who stood up against all possible odds for something they believe in. That doesn't mean I don't support the movement, it's the rally that I'm not head over hills over.

I believe that their fight is fucken spot on, but I do feel since their cause garnered support from big name politicians such as Anwar and Nurul Izzah, one feels that if people in power such as themselves are hooked on the agenda, they should, could and would have fought hard since Bersih was first incepted.

The politicians that were with this cause since 2007 could have used the Parliament as the platform since they've taken office, to continue where Bersih 1 left off and brought fresher fights to today's cause.

The opposition has held a stronger hold in the Dewan Rakyat and also controlled states such as Selangor and Penang since 2008. Granted the fact that Penang has remarkably prospered, I feel that this rally should have been a follow up for whatever that has been fought for and not yet been achieved not wait three and a half years to do rekindle what some might call a lost cause.

Admitably, the government's reaction would be very different if this was fought politically but when you come to think of it, the police roadblocks, blacklists and unwarranted arrests would still be there no matter what. Hence, the general sentiment is: a proper separation of doctrines should be imposed in various public sectors such as the EC and MACC among others.

Sectors like this should be free of political influences whatsoever, especially the media, mainstream or not. The media has the right, no fuck that, they have the responsibility to report only the truth. Don't ask me how do we preserve that, I haven't thought about it that far ahead. Just call me an idealist for now.

On another note, I feel that this rally is to take away the spotlight from Anwar's buttsex/sex scandal. It has been done before on both sides of the political divide. Let's not forget the Indian judge and Mongolian model fiasco.

Finally on a more somber note, let's not look at this as an American song, but the sentiment behind the song which was used to express gratitude for servicemen who has fought for their country. This song is dedicated to Baharuddin Ahmad who fell during the rally this afternoon. May your life be for the greater good, whatever that might be.

Freedom isn't free - Trey Parker

What would you do

If you were asked to give up your dreams for freedom?

What would you do

If asked to make the ultimate sacrifice?

Would you think about all them people

Who gave up everything they had?

Would you think about all them War Vets

And would you start to feel bad?

Freedom isn't free

It costs folks like you and me

And if we don't all chip in

We'll never pay that bill

Freedom isn't free

No, there's a hefty in' fee.

And if you don't throw in your buck 'o five

Who will?

What would you do

If someone told you to fight for freedom?

Would you answer the call

Or run away like a little?

'Cause the only reason that you're here

Is 'cause folks died for you in the past

So maybe now it's your turn

To die kicking some ass

Let's just hope we'll stand united when equality is demanded

Champions League

#justsaying #lfc #ynwa #liverpoolfc #champion5 on Twitpic

Day 04 - A song that makes me sad

30 Day Song Challenge

Day 04 - A song that makes you sad

One word: Nan

Day 03 - A song that makes me happy

30 Day Sing Challenge 

Day 03 - A Song That Makes You Happy 

Why? This song just gives me hope that in 24 short (or dreadfully long) hours, I've got a new day ahead filled with hope.

Day 2 - My least favorite song

As promised, Day 2's song.

30 Day Song Challenge

Day 2 - Your least favorite song

Reason behind this song is because while waiting for my dose of stupid people reacting to prank calls from a certain radio station, this song keeps going on air.

It's just annoying how after Dido/Eminem's Thank You, all songs that try to sing and rap pisses me off..this takes the damn cherry!

Other NOT-worthy mentions

*Anything that Rhianna, Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Sean Kingston, etc sings..I loathe!

Day 1 - My Favourite Song

For the next 30 Days I'm gonna be posting songs as part of my 30 Day Song Challenge

‎30 Day Song Challenge 

Day 01 - Your Favorite Song