Bersih: Just in case you wanna go for another one (Post 3/3)

This Bersih rally being my first public rally and all, I have been enlightened to a different level and have experienced stuff that I never before imagined.

I think I am a chaos-addict...seeking excitement in chaotic situations but getting back to the topic at hand, I want to share some things that will and wont work during a rally, IF you decide to see and evaluate first hand and not comment on Facebook a few days later or if you just wanna get gassed and run around..

Let's face it, with Anwar (there is proof that you, sir, motioned to the other bloke to rile up the crowd) at the mix, the rally was always going to tear gas and water cannons anyway.  

The DO's and DON'Ts at a public riot rally

DO...

...observe personal hygiene

Throughout the rally I had some quiet demonstrators, and more overzealous ones...you know, the ones where they have arms out, punching the air, screaming their believes marching next to me..boy was I fucked! 

I'm not the neatest person in the world, ask anyone, but I made sure I had a good shit, shower and shave (just in case I get caught and the cops want me to do nekkid push-ups or Nurul Izzah falls for me), brushed my teeth, used mouthwash, deodorant, my Paco Rabane perfume (just in case lah, dammit!) and headed to Central Market.

Somehow, a lot of people don't get that. Cipet there was one point, I nearly died from underarm smells and nearly died again as I looked to my left, only to be met with the stinging breath smelling like shit from a zombie monkey being flung my way..ughh!

Deodorise, people! The brands nowadays guarantee 24-hour protection, and if you have inherited smelly genes then bring lah one cannister/tube/bottle...what's the use of carrying a bloody huge backpack if you can't fit it in!

...dress the part

Firstly, comfort and practicality is a priority! T shirt, jeans or shorts and shoes will be awesome enough... go easy on the make-up, hair and nail extensions, you are here to rock a cause, not the runway.

NO LEATHER JACKETS! I've seen a douchebag wearing a leather jacket with studs and spikes while we were retreating from them gasses. Why, God? Why? It was already so hot...and the gas and the water...

Brother, if you are reading this, at Bersih 4.0 or if Ultras Malaya decide to hold a rally to get the President of FAM to resign, wear a fucking raincoat/military suit!

If you believe and identify in the cause, show your support. Wear whatever they are wearing, be it a yellow or green top, a red one (last year, to protest the yellow fellas), or even a mask.

Just a reminder, swimming goggles and bandana's don't work against the gas! The sweat will seep in beneath the rubber and the lenses will fog up, leaving you no choice but to remove the goggles. Trust me, I lost my goggles and bandana in the retreat.

Remember to keep it light. There will be a lot of running and marching.

Slippers can be very dangerous. One misstep at the back of a slipper is all you need to either cause a stampede or being a floor mat. I must say this - Malaysians were very careful not to let people stay on the ground for long that day.

DON'T...

...obstruct the traffic/retreat flow

While the people at the front of the rally became the lasts one in line when the retreat began, there were plenty more people coming and heading full force towards Dataran Merdeka. 

As the people are screaming to turn back and retreat a little so we can have some breathing room, you would think the oncoming ones will at least give room...but NO, not till they saw the trucks; and by this time cannister after cannister have been shot.

Yeah, you are zealous warriors...but get the fuck out of the way! Although I loved the rush, the pain was real too! 

You back-seat generals gotta move backwards and not urging us to move on..give us room and go get your share of abuse...there were kids retreating too...which brings me to the next point!

...bring your kids to a rally!

My rule of probability has only two outcomes: 50-50. Example: What are my chances of winning the lottery? 50% = you will win; 50% you will not. 

At my day job, I get asked by parents every time: So, what are the chances of my son/daughter/son-that-will-soon-be-daughterish-and-have-videos-lip-syncing-to-Malay-rock-songs-in-hotels-in-KL passing his exams?


Fifty-fucking-percent..either he passes or fails.. See now if he asked What are the chances in passing and getting an A+? I'd be forced to see how many passing grades there and have 50 divided the number of grades from a C- (or D) to an A+. 


Geddit? No? Watch this:

Ladies and gentlemen, the Serdang Angels!

Anyhoo, the point here is..There's a 50% probability that the rally was gonna turn hostile..and it did! Which leaves me questioning:

What the fuck made you bring your 2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/teenage kid (choose, I saw them all that day) to Masjid James Jamek? 

Your kid is too young to understand what's going on. Values need to be instilled, yes, but come the time, they will be living in a different world, different politicians, different problems...why ruin the innocence and unbiased views of a child now?


Your kid isn't your fucking shield!
You are gonna get gassed! So beat it! Don't subject your child to gasses and the water. God knows what kind of drugs they put in those things...we overfed, overgrown adults can't take it, why subject your child to harms like this?


Based on that two things, Malaysia should have a rule towards pro-creation! If you have done either one or both of those things, get a vasectomy/tubectomy..please!!!


Rule of thumb: If you still buy the toothpaste he uses each morning, don't let him go anywhere near the rally!

Good night!

From Rally to Riot – Exploring some dynamics behind Bersih 3.0 (Post 2/3)

Now, I’ll attempt to put my puny little mind and try to digress some of the underlying dynamics that were going on while 250,000 people screamed, fought for their rights, attacked, were attacked, ran, cried, bled and so on at the Bersih 3.0 rally in KL.

I have decided to join in this year’s rally and observe. Last year, I declined to join in for reasons stated previously. I admit a Pink Floyd song helped me decide to make my way to Kuala Lumpur.

Let me share the lyrics with you here:

Wish you were here - Pink Floyd 

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,

blue skies from pain.

Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?

A smile from a veil?

Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts? 

Hot ashes for trees?

Hot air for a cool breeze?

Cold comfort for change?

And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.

We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,

Running over the same old ground. 

What have you found? The same old fears.

Wish you were here. 

Not quite blue skies

IF you don't quite get why this song seemed to change my stance, I really can't help you.

Call it catch-22s, conspiracies, paradoxes, what-ifs or what not. I don’t really care.

Let me begin with:

Ambiga’s call for early “bersurai..”

Way before 4pm, the appointed time to call it quits, Ambiga called for the gathering to go home, stating success.

It seems the sitting protest wouldn’t work. Was it because there were too many present?

I doubt it.

Perhaps she sensed the presence of agent provocateurs?

Possible.

I think she was using reversed psychology. After calling the rally to an end I saw a bloke whisper something to her and she responded with: No, no, I’m not going to announce that.

I read books better than I read lips but the megaphone microphone wasn’t too far from her mouth. So I heard it which makes me wonder – if she was planning to go ahead to Dataran Merdeka, why ask everyone to go home?

Knowing the state of mind of the people, one would believe a riot was going to happen either way.

Agent Provocateurs

Either planted by the police the government as a whole, one surely feel that there were some forms of ‘agents’ around.

I was pretty convinced that the rally was really meant and was carried out peacefully until the deadly razor wire barrier was breached.

Pictures on facebook showed some ‘agents’ provoking violence amongst the crowd and the same ones were there taking ‘lawful’ action when chaos began.

Taken from Facebook, you be the judge

I feel on the whole, the government, Najib, BN, DBKL or otherwise could have handled the situation better. 

We all know you won’t implement changes and meet the demands overnight or at all for that matter, which will leave you with watching 250,000 sitting in the hot sun for hours.

We were unarmed la, cibai! I don’t know about the rest but the Rakyat has trusted you for more than 50 years, can’t you trust us for a couple of hours? How much damage could we have done? Your goons in blue were there in case it hit the fan and wouldn’t it be easier to contain a surrounded target?

Let’s not look at governing bodies in China, the UK or Australia because they seem to be of more liberal mind-sets than us in KL.

Why did I say mention KL and not Malaysia?

It seems, while teargas were fired rather freely in KL, some 130km down south, a similar gathering was held in Malacca and there were no radical incidents reported. Protesters were not allowed onto Dataran Pahlawan due to a concert, it seems; yes they were unruly, but to what effect?

Either way, get this:

Malacca is nowhere near prime location

International press wouldn’t go to Malacca to cover it

So, why bother placing agent provocateurs there?

Every other location, even underwater in Indonesia, things were pretty much peaceful and uneventful.

Had the government allowed the use of the Dataran Merdeka, things would be different and they will be forced to admit that rallies in Malaysia could be peaceful and any unruliness will be on the shoulders of Ambiga and her associates.

Necessities

Politicians

If the Bersih cause is totally apolitical as it seems, why allow the opposition front the liberty on your pick-up van and let Anwar address the public?

Was it a measure he doesn’t get beaten up and arrested like the last time?

Why were there chants for an anti-BN government?

Does this mean that as long as the opposition is not in power, the elections aren’t ‘clean?’

With the presence of big name politicians around, I couldn’t help but wonder if they were using Bersih to gain political leverage. Don’t they have tonnes of dewans to do this? You have been entrusted with the confidence of the Rakyat to do something in office and you show up at a rally trying to make a difference?

I hope that someday, be it 5 weeks or 50 years from today, when our electoral processes magically are clean, should the opposition lose, they can swallow the bitter pill and not bitch anymore about this.

Police enforcement (no photos for this segment, go Youtube it)

Why hit, torment and inflict so much pain on protesters?

I accept that there are blood-thirsty, anarchy-loving scumbags on both sides of the divide. And not taking anything from our brave law enforcers, they did relatively well in exercising restraint until the boiling point but that is that.

I understand that they had to do their level best to disperse the crowd, and I didn’t mind getting hosed and gassed; were the beatings, kicking and so forth really necessary? Can’t they just cuff ‘em and put them in a truck?

You are our protectors, first; violators, never!

I am pretty sure that there are cops looking for the missing kid and will not question the priorities, but if they were really looking for culprits and not punching bags, go to Anwar’s, Ambiga’s, Kit Siang’s house and arrest them too; I mean if you can go as far as SOGO to bash people up, you can make the trip.

Plus, capturing 300 out of 250,000 isn’t a proud number, they should be taught simple tactics: spread it out a little, two cops to one protester would do and your numbers would’ve been greater. We were unarmed la, for fuck’s sake!

I suggest the PDRM stick to punching the bags in the gym or start a fucking fight club in the car park for all I care.

The rally

Many-a-times, I have said among friends and once before here (oh go click ‘Older Posts’ already) that I’m not a big fan of the rally. Admittedly, I had one hell of an experience, yet I felt cheated at the same time.

Against an autocratic government, it is always hard to shove one’s points to the government. However, since Bersih 1.0 was incepted, besides the rallies, I’m not quite convinced that the push is done from all angles.

he rally sometimes I feel is a little convenient and aimed too close to the predicted General Elections. Apart from that, perhaps their efforts are intangible but I don’t really see much being done by our freedom fighters. 

Correct me if I’m wrong but don’t go acting like a keyboard warrior, thanks.

When it comes to electoral processes, how can one party rule so long? Something fishy? The PAS fellas in Kelantan don’t seem to think so. No complaints from Penang with pre-BN Gerakan and now DAP. Elections fair in these two states? How about Selangor? Perak? Kedah?  

One thing remains clear; there is a need for fresh vision for my beloved Malaysia, regardless of who is brave enough to take that responsibility or given that trust. Undoubtedly, some systems need to be overhauled while others need to be reconsidered its validity and relevance since the laws were written over half a century ago.

My dad fought with bullets for his Malaysia (Air Force, not Communist); I’ll continue with words for mine

Tanah tumpah darahku

Bersih 3.0: From my eyes only (Post 1/3)

Here is first-hand experience from what I saw, heard, tasted, touched and smelt at Bersih 3.0… in no way am I accusing you of lying or will accept any accusations if my post does not serve your ideal political purpose.

1100h; Seri Kembangan

Still at home, I contemplated on whether I should go for the rally or stay home since I don’t really like the approach of the rally as I’ve felt that the cause is good but the rally is somewhat tainted.

At the same time, I was actively texting and reading on Twitter about on-site updates.

I decided to put on a purple T-shirt just to say I’m not an active protester and if cameras were to catch a group photo, I’d be able to stand out.

The guy in purple here is not me, of course :)

1230h; Kelana Jaya LRT Station

Arrived at KJ Station; the drive was pleasant. No roadblocks or traffic but I am coming from one corner of the world.

Surrounding the station, the amount of cars parked everywhere were massive. I had to park near a nearby college while another friend, Sandesh, parked at the church.

Tonnes of people were in yellow and every other colour. No harm or ruckus but they see you holding a bottle of water and have a scarf in the other hand, they give you that slight nod, either they’ve identified another supporter or I was supposed to know the master plan or something.

1320h; Pasar Seni

We got down and things were still calm. There were people praying in a group. Some joined in, others walked on.

Praying in a group at Pasar Seni LRT Station

Then, further down, A. Samad Said was praying with a fellow telling people that they can join in or not disturb.

A. Samad Said

At the entrance of Central Market, the rally was gaining in numbers. The Unit Amal were omnipresent to help out.

Before long, the Unit Amal guys started forming a human shield and made everyone march behind them. We found ourselves in between Ambiga and a yellow zeppelin. They had a green anti-Lynas one.

They had shit for hailers, but I’m pretty sure Ambiga said something like to march as far as we can then we sit.

1345h; Moving from Central Market

Firstly, I am shit in KL roads. So, on we marched. I was still at the front of the parade. Some say we moved in a roundabout way. I only recognised a Reggae Hotel and we turned left towards Jalan Tun Razak (I think).

With fire in their bellies, hope in their hearts and conviction in their words

Many people applauded and cheered from the streets and the marching voices grew louder with chants that were consistent to the cause. Then, it all changed.

Chants started to sound rather weird: BN Hancur, Kami tak nak pembunuh, Najib sial, UMNO hancur, Reformasi, etc were going on loud and strong.

I wasn’t too happy with this. I might be a little stupid and not able to comprehend well but, wasn’t this rally apolitical? Wasn’t this about clean and fair elections?

1425h; Standstill at Masjid Jamek

At about this time, the march came to a halt.

The leading vehicle was stationed at the entrance to Dataran Merdeka while I was at the Burger King near the Masjid Jamek LRT Station.

Orders to start a sitting protest worked well for about 30 seconds till the Unit Amal came barging in, escorting Anwar Ibrahim, Lim Kit Siang and a few others to the front.

Duduk Bantah

People had to stand to make way and there was a lot of pushing and shoving around. I realised that this was my chance to move forward.

I locked my arms in between two Unit Amal personnel and pushed my free ticket to the front. When asked: Are you in Unit Amal? I replied: Does that matter? I thought we are brothers…

I got within a few meters from the pick-up.

Anwar announcing the success of Bersih 3.0

However, their arrival caused chaos and a heightened sense of demonstrating, despite the heat. Ambiga and Anwar spoke citing the rally a success and thanked the 250,000 people who came out, before announcing the end of the rally and asked everyone to go home.

1455h; Moving towards razor wires

Shortly after thanking the crowd for coming and asking them to go home; the pick-up started moving towards Dataran Merdeka.

Ambiga urging everyone to go home

Mixed messages? Reversed psychology?

The crowd started moving vigorously as the cheers grew louder, the chants grew weirder and I got stuck near the Bar Council.

I can’t disclose how I got there but I did, I was again about 5 meters from Ambiga, Anwar, Kit Siang, Izzah (she is pretty) and so on.

At about this time, tensions were rising with one group singing Negaraku while more were chanting: Dataran! Dataran! and Buka! Buka!

The police personnel were standing firm and quietly behind the road barricades, behind the razor wires. They were generally unarmed – no shields, no helmets, no batons, no guns!

Razor wires after being flattened

Behind them, however, there were about four trucks and more Federal Reserve Unit cops on standby. They moved into formation but were in no way showing signs of being aggressors, at that point.

15XXh; Hell breaking loose

I was paying attention to the chants from a person on the pick-up. 


I’m not sure what he said things were just getting restless.


I turn to see the unarmed cops running for their lives! They were chased by some 100 people who have crossed the razor wires!

The aggressors this time were the demonstrators whom have breached the razor fences. I too crossed to get a closer look.

The protestors kept hurling all sorts of stuff at the police, bottles, road barricades and traffic cones were among the favourites!

Water cannons against road signs and stuff

The FRU started moving forward followed by the trucks that began spraying water. I tried to stand my ground until I hear this weird boom and I see a grenade-like object heading my way.

Tear gas!

The gassing has begun

I fucking ran from the place.

There was a bottleneck at the razor wires. I put on my swimming goggles and covered my mouth and nose with a bandana. I saw a guy falling down onto the razor wires and people tried to help, some were pushed. I got a few cuts on my legs.

The gas crept in slowly.

The back of my neck felt it first. The smoke was too thick to see. I hear people shouting: Pegang baju gua… Lari! Lari!

By this time, my nose and throat started to burn as well as any part of my body that was uncovered! My eyes hurt as hell!

People were running and offering salt and water all around.

Before I could recover, another wave of tear gas struck; this time from high up. I couldn't tell if it came from the railway lines or from the top of the buildings. 


They waited for the wind. Sneaky bastards!


Some people rushed into the Bar Council; others ran; even non-participating people bailed. No one stood still!

This repeated itself for quite some time.

15XXh, Hope for humanity?

As I’ve stated earlier, I’ll call it as I see it and by no means does this mean whatever you have experienced and saw is less important or true.

Retreating from the razor wires to somewhere much safer was a little hard to do as a lot of people still refused to move back quickly.

People were rubbing salt on each other and themselves while finding water to drink. A 500ml bottle was shared with 8 people.

By the time I got to the Reggae Hotel, things seemed to ease up a little. I sat on the floor and people came to my aid, offering all kinds of remedies. One Malaysian Chinese gave me tissues and another Malaysian Malay offered me her towel to wipe my face.

They were unharmed.

A man pulled up with two bags of ice to help manage the burns.

A friend indeed

Suddenly, that weird sound went off again and canisters were launched our way. I didn’t understand. It was a relatively long way from Dataran Merdeka and everyone there we only seeking refuge.

The cops with their tear gasses and water cannons made sure that the only retreat was to head towards Plaza Rakyat and Menara Maybank.

Just before the cops bombarded the side streets

I rested and took a long ride home!

When I followed the Yellow Brick Road..from Central Market

In light of Bersih 3.0, I will post be posting in threes (four if you count this one…but don’t la…this is an introductory post…cipet!)

I will post on my experience there, then attempt to analyse the situation then, my usual stuff.

I must state my stance here.

I think the fight on principle is awesome. The MO, however, remains questionable.

I went as an observer. I went to see. I went to experience.

In my style, don't expect all three posts to come at once.. heheh

Just as the march started at Central Market

Word of the Day: Refulgent

Before I do this, let me assure you, I'm not gonna do this every day.. Only when I find interesting words..


So

WORD
refulgent (adjective): [ri-FUHL-junt]


MEANING
Shining brilliantly

ETYMOLOGY

From Latin refulgere (to radiate light, to reflect), from re- (back) + fulgere (to shine). Earliest documented use: before 1500.

USAGE

"Michael slowly walked into the water yesterday, his board tucked under his arm and his sun-kissed blond hair refulgent even in the dull light."
Mark Bode; Surf Tribute Farewells a Great Dad; The Sunshine Coast Daily (Maroochydore, Australia); May 9, 2011


NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH
The way Edward Cullen shines


Living for centuries as a pedophile vampire, Edward sits silently at the window, pants down to his ankles with the tremendous urge to jack off as he watches Bella sleep soundly into the night. Knowing that he is indeed a vampire that doesn't breathe, has no heartbeat and the blood doesn't flow in his veins, he couldn't muster a simple erection. But Edward is not the type to give up; he tried for hours!

With this realisation and the uprising sun, he flees the room in panic and as the rays of the sun catches his legs, there was a shine coming from his skin. Seeing that how Edward isn't that brilliant, that shine wasn't a refulgent one.

How Hari Raya is manipulated!

Hi..Selamat Hari Raya and Happy Merdeka (really?) 


So, I'm back to take a swipe at another festive time of the year as I've done with Chinese Christmas and Chinese New Year earlier this year. 


Honestly, I'm only doing this for two reasons: so I don't seem like a racist bastard by not posting about Raya (Chinese people have gone all sensitive after the 8TV thingy) and because I like doing stuff like this.

The Anti-Thrill of Hari Raya

When I was little, my classmates will tell me stories of how they'd gather round the TV before Hari Raya and Puasa just to listen to some old man announce the date. This old man is the Keeper of the Royal Seal or Pemegang Cop Mohor Raja-Raja Melayu. We shall now refer to him as Pak Cik.


As I grew older, I too began watching because I have Muslim relatives to visit and more importantly Raya means HOLIDAY!


So I began to notice how Pak Cik's announcements always fall on the same day as the calender and I honestly thought that Pak Cik was like a soothsayer (of course at 9, I did not use that word) until one day after having my awesome Lorong Char Siew Rice, my mum and I were in a goldsmith. 

3rd from right: My 9-year-old self and my oldest friends in the world

The thing about any goldsmith on Jalan Bunga Raya is when you sit there, they'd give you a boxed drink, usually wintermelon tea (UGHH) and when you buy stuff, they somehow will always give you another gift. 


This time it was next year's calender. The kind where the paper is thin and there are horses printed on every Saturday, Sunday and Wednesday. The kind where there'll be 11 pictures of animals and a Chinese character   at the bottom where you can associate your birth year and see if you were born a bitch, swine or 10 other animals.


I flipped the pages, looking to see how awesome Miss July was and I kept on looking till I saw the dates for next year's Hari Raya. Boy, was I pissed. I was thinking they were sure gonna piss Pak Cik off when he sees this. 


In a fit of rage I complained to my mom, demanding her to write for me a letter to Pak Cik to alert him of this conspiracy of the World Chinese Calender Makers Association (Malaysia). She refused. I think she feared for our safety. If you've watched Young & Dangerous, you'd be scared too.


Let's get some things straight here: I can write on my own, but in children's writing. I doubt that Pak Cik would take my theories of conspiracy seriously if I sent him the letter and the WCCMA(M) is a very secret organisation that even Google doesn't have any record of their existence.


As the years rolled on, my belief in Pak Cik's powers faded in the same manner when we realised things we believed in like Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and Democracy were indeed just stories made up to help us sleep at night.


This year however, with the WCCMA(M) announcing Hari Raya on the 30th while Puasa started on the 1st, I thought there was a glitch in the system, a calculation error. 


I waited for Pak Cik to announce the date and make the WCCMA(M) look like assholes. I was getting more nervous as the seconds drew closer. My heart was racing. Sweat dripping into my socks and out of a sudden it was a deathly cold embrace that I felt as Pak Cik concurred with my sworn enemies. Was he afraid to go against them too? Or was he on their payroll?


Here is my call to you out there: Help me regain Pak Cik's honour!


This is how it's going to work:

1. We raise RM 200,000.00
2. We meet the WCCMA(M) with Pak Cik
3. We pay off the WCCMA(M) 
4. We insist that they mess up their announcement of Hari Raya
5. Pak Cik announces the correct date
6. We win!


Nevermind that the last minute change will cause chaos and massive traffic overcrowding as well as dysfunctions of corporate and manufacturing establishments. We'll have Hari Raya that's not predicted by the WCCMA(M) and Pak Cik will again be the nation's most reliable source for Hari Raya..


Till next time!  

Five Ways to become a HARIMAU

Seeing that it is about 26 hours till kick-off at the National Stadium between bitter rivals Malaysia and Singapore for a ticket to the World Cup Qualifiers, I've decided to let you in on a few ways to get you in the mood.

How to prepare for a Harimau Malaya (Malayan Tigers) game?


1. Secure Entry


Make sure that if you aren't as Lucky as Ramon and Mario, you get your tickets early! Don't go around like a fucking hooker on crack trying to ask everyone, anyone and anywhere..including Twitter for tickets the moment the word is mentioned.

So, I bought tickets for 9pm..

Dei, the match is at 8.30pm! You better go early..and you got how many tickets, hor? Got extra ke?

The tickets...Captain America la!

Memang Douchebag la lu, bro!




2. Energize


Remember that games kicking off at 8.45pm can end at midnight. So, make sure you have enough water, food, rest, etc to sustain your energy levels.


Frankly speaking, cheering is almost as tiring as playing the damn sport because when we cheer, often or not our levels will peak in direct retaliation to what's happening on the field - be it a wrong offside call, a Jewish lad kicking the ball..or even dismal performances by our own lads. Therefore, the more often things happen, the more you peak in excitement and you get tired..




3. Seat Right


Generally, there are a few sections when it comes to seating at a stadium.


VIP Boxes
Here's where politicians and big names watch the games. It's believed that within the tinted glasses is a room where you can indulge to your heart's desire.


There even was a rumour that there were strippers, cocaine and midget whores inside a Manchester United - Cardiff or something game.


Grand Stand
This is where rich folks pay more to see the same game from the same distance as the Rakyat Jelata from the other side.


Usually occupied by kids who were bullied in school and think they are cool now.


Home Seats
The whole stadium except the top corner of the stadium and a few more rows


Ultras Malaya
Look out for people at top corners of the stands usually singing and drumming..sometimes dancing and most importantly cheering.


They'll most probably be wearing black tees with yellow scarfs held high









Away Seats
Whatever's left. Possibly 3 rows in some corner with a fucked up view.


For this occasion, look out for an awkward looking group dressed in either red and white (Singapore, not Indonesia) or Blue.






4. Get in the ZONE


To get in the zone, you'd need to prepare your mind and body for the experience. Here's the simplest way to shift to a football fan mindset:

I know the beer is Singaporean but the name is Malaysian but 6 of this, you'll be massive!

If you can't drink, Tiger biscuits also counts!




5. Lose Your Voice


Shout, scream, sing...tell the referee what a cunt he is, taunt the away fans. Go ahead! Don't just sit quietly, you have bloody libraries for that!


Here are a few songs and chants that might help you out tomorrow:


Negaraku


Inilah Barisan Kita

How it is



How it should be sung




Malaysia Chant






So, see you tomorrow in Black and Yellow!